Worst Sexual Experiences

i know how bad something like that is... beleive you me... there is nothing worse than a sticking dick

 

oh ok.. well it's something me an Nursey have been wondering about, but the thing is, none of us has been able to find any photographic evidence to prove conclusively either way..

 

Okay...one that stands out in my mind is this Jewish girl I met and picked up at a party some years ago. She'd been tossing 'em down like a real pro all night & by the time I loaded her in my car to take her back to my place, she was well snockered and not much in the way of conversation - she mainly just hunkered down in the seat, listing permanently to starboard. Halfway home, she perked up a little & started moaning (no, I hadn't started fingering her or anything). I well recognized the tenor of that sound, and asked if she was gonna be sick & should I pull over? She mumbled to the negative & quieted down for a minute. Then suddenly she bolted upright and projectile-vomited onto the edge of the dash and floor. I hit the brakes, yelled at her to aim it outside and frantically stabbed at her window button. She turned her head & her next heave *almost* made it out the window - only her window had only made it halfway down by then, and half her load splashed down the outside of the car (where the windstream spread it out quite efficiently), the other half over the inside of the window and door (with a good bit splashing on her jeans).

The smell was hideous & I was pissed. Shortly arriving at my place, I sent her into my bathroom to get cleaned up while I returned to the car with some paper towels to mitigate the horror. Returning inside, found her laying on my bed. When she saw me, she beckoned me over, slurred an apology (I think) and started fumbling with my zipper. I figured, wtf, she fucked up my car - I definitely better get something good out of this fiasco.

So she started gobbling my knob and wasn't too damn bad at it for her condition (bless her JAP cocksucker spirit). Was getting real interesting when I felt her pause and stiffen. By the time I opened my eyes, she'd pulled off and suddenly puked again all over my fucking crotch and the bed.

Never was able to rid the car of that smell completely. Thankfully, it wasn't long before I traded it.

 

My time was when I picked up this one girl at the bar (I just turned 21). She took me out to the back, unzipped my pants, and went to town on my groin..
It was great until in the midst of the movements, she pulled back, and her dentures came out and stayed there on my cock. This was a woman who didn't use Poli-grip, obviously. Well, she was embarrassed, and I was frankly slightly disgusted. But then, my curiousity got the best of me, so I told her it was okay, and to go ahead and continue with the fellatio, but LEAVE her teeth out of her mouth. So, she took her purse, and spit her choppers into it, and closed it up, and then went to town again.

Man, I tell you...I never felt anything as sensational as a toothless mouth on my dick. I may try that again sometime.

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Fugly:
It's not official, but I (Martin) hold the record on the east coast for both age *and* tonnage for having sex with two, 350lb, middle aged women at the same time.

I've also had sex with a midget.

Suprisingly, I can't really say that either of these experiences was all that bad. I kind of liked them both. Then again, I don't get a whole lot of sex so I can't really hold either one of them up to anythng normal for comparison.

Being drunk all the time really sucks.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


Well, the real mack-daddy of the east coast had to have been Gary Heidnik.

Serving the finest leg of whore to six black retard hookers at a time, and then getting into some serious freakin' w/them. He's the East coast's Hugh Hefner (but with more basement clutter).

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by YoMamazAGreasyMoFo:
...I never felt anything as sensational as a toothless mouth on my dick.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
The gumjob is a superlative treat that not many have been fortunate enough to enjoy - just ask any guy who's had a 'silver fox'.

 

Well, the wierd thing is this: She couldn't have been any older then 35. (Maybe I should have seen a doctor after we were done)

 

I seriously have a very bad experience which is related to sexual abuse.I wont speak of it here because its painfull and i don t know if i can deal with the abuse i my recieve.

 

MC Emetic G-Dawg Mutha

I think that was me that did that to you, Emetic, or at least i remember puking in some dudes lap.

What state do you live in? lol

 

Nope - nowhere near Iowa.

Pity, too - even if you weren't willing to make things up to me, at least I could say I've been with a lesbian.

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PimpDaddy v2.01beta:
nah i think they should wait to hear it from you... you'll only bitch if something important gets missed out.. and we'll remind you of any choice nuggets you miss out...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

So much for being lazy... here goes:

A few years back, there was this fat chick that loved a dick in her mouth almost as much as a hamburger. Nobody really knew her, nor ever saw me with her, so I had no problem dropping a few milkshakes a week down her gullet.

Bear in mind, this particular time frame is all a bit fuzzy, as I was on a plethora of pharmaceuticals and other mind-altering drugs, as well...

At any rate, she came over one night (I never let her in during the day... heaven forbid the neighbor's see her in broad daylight!), and as per usual, it was refill time for fatty. Instead of promptly leaving afterwards, she decides to stay and consume a few intoxicants herself. I let her be, she ends up going outside and passing out on the patio. I notice this, pay it no mind, go back inside to hit some more pipe, play a game, etc... an hour or two later, I remember that she was out there, so I go to check on her.

She hadn't budged an inch. So, I stay outside, spark up a carcinogen, look down at her, and consider what I'm going to have to do if the sun comes up and she's still out there...

Then... it happened...

I saw the crotch of her skirt-esque outfit start to twitch...

You can imagine what I was wondering at the time.

I ended up staring at it, and eventually, a frog hopped out of her skirt. I literally doubled over in laughter, and could not move. I really don't know what attracted it there in the first place, and by the time I mustered both the common sense and strength to go grab my camera, the frog was long gone. I did manage to get a few action shots of her trying to get up, though...

 

Freakish! What finally brought sleeping beauty out of her coma? The amphibian hopping around in her crotch or your hysterical laughter?

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Tsunami:
I seriously have a very bad experience which is related to sexual abuse.I wont speak of it here because its painfull and i don t know if i can deal with the abuse i my recieve. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

was it funny?.. they're meant to be kinda humourous

 

Actually no it wasnt funny,more disturbing.Im glad im sober right now or i might have said too much.

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by The Reverend Lomotil:
by the time I mustered both the common sense and strength to go grab my camera, the frog was long gone. I did manage to get a few action shots of her trying to get up, though...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

yes.. the pictures lomo... don't be shy

 

I'll take it too. Did you uncle sodomize you while watching "Small Wonder"? Mine did. Did you grandmother force you to bite the warts and sores off her ass? Well, mine didn't do that. But anyways.... I'm ready to hear this one.

 

these are some sad sad stories...
thanks for the laugh