*Walks back in from kitchen with beer, as well as an extra one for Fred....* Ummm....anyone know what happened to those bottles of urine on the floor? Some homeless crack-whore was here the other night (we watched Debbie Does Dachau), and the toilet was busted. *Wonders if Rat secretly imagined my being in the room anytime recently..*
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Ulfur Engil: *Walks back in from kitchen with beer, as well as an extra one for Fred....* Ummm....anyone know what happened to those bottles of urine on the floor? *Wonders if Rat secretly imagined my being in the room anytime recently..*<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> OMG!!! She poured some crack ho's piss on me?!? *vomits in Ratilla's lap at the thought of being doused in crack ho urine, and yet becomes strangely aroused...*
Pops put from behind bush all drippy and aglow. Grabs Ulfur by his blonde locks and drags him over to the urine micro-brewery hidden in the shed. Points out that he has been the one drinking pregnant mare's urine the whole evening. Brandishing large, steely scissors she attemps to weave a potholder with his hair. Suddenly, she hears a woman's scream. It's Fred looking down at a pool of menstrual blood and feces. Meanwhile... Ratilla brandishes her soiled cap and begins to gnaw on her licorice whip, all the while dancing and flinging vomit chunks from her skirt. She nervously contemplates GAS' arrival and wonders how the fuck she'll explain it all. Anybody have a label maker I can borrow?
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Martha Stewart: Meanwhile... Ratilla brandishes her soiled cap and begins to gnaw on her licorice whip<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Alright, hold up a second. Licorice whip? She clearly said leather whip in her earlier post. I remember a forum called 'Pimp n Nurseys Nazi Funhouse' and in that forum there was a thread that involved the same type of mix up where a golfclub turned out to be a licorice whip...what gives? I think you need to esplain dis one Martha...how the fuck would you know about that? It's way too similar to be a mere coincidence. As a matter of fact, it involved an enema bag as well. If you PM me and explain yourself, I might just let ya use my labeling machine.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FredVegas: Alright, hold up a second. Licorice whip? She clearly said leather whip in her earlier post. I remember a forum called 'Pimp n Nurseys Nazi Funhouse' and in that forum there was a thread that involved the same type of mix up where a golfclub turned out to be a licorice whip...what gives? I think you need to esplain dis one Martha...how the fuck would you know about that? It's way too similar to be a mere coincidence. As a matter of fact, it involved an enema bag as well. If you PM me and explain yourself, I might just let ya use my labeling machine.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> How fabulously ironic! Could you furnish me with a link to this post? I really haven't any clue about other threads containing licorice whip golf clubs with enema bags.
*Stopping her basket-weaving attempt, Points out to Martha Stewart that she in fact showed me the cesspool overflowing in the backyard, and I furter politely explain to her that if her scheming, K-Mart ass had paid more attention to home improvment and less attention to her already failing stocks, that this little confusion would have never taken place...then walks Mrs. Stewart to the REAL brewing vats in the garage, and then shows her that it is not brewed with the urine of crack-whores, but rather their dismembered bodies..(makes the beer taste more gamey).... *Then, suddenly gives into the Satanist/Bob Vila urge, and repeatedly fires a nailgun into Martha's twat, and watches her orgasmate, seeing bits of clitoris and metal shards shooting onto the garage floor...then asks..."Hey Fred!!! Was her bloody orgasm pool as big as this one?"...*
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Ulfur Engil: *Stopping her basket-weaving attempt, Points out to Martha Stewart that she in fact showed me the cesspool overflowing in the backyard, and I furter politely explain to her that if her scheming, K-Mart ass had paid more attention to home improvment and less attention to her already failing stocks, that this little confusion would have never taken place...then walks Mrs. Stewart to the REAL brewing vats in the garage, and then shows her that it is not brewed with the urine of crack-whores, but rather their dismembered bodies..(makes the beer taste more gamey).... *Then, suddenly gives into the Satanist/Bob Vila urge, and repeatedly fires a nailgun into Martha's twat, and watches her orgasmate, seeing bits of clitoris and metal shards shooting onto the garage floor...then asks..."Hey Fred!!! Was her bloody orgasm pool as big as this one?"...*<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Slaps Ulfur upside his head carefully avoiding his braids and arouses him from his nightmare.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Martha Stewart: Slaps Ulfur upside his head carefully avoiding his braids and arouses him from his nightmare. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> *Decides to be a gentleman again, and points out to her that in fact SHE was the one dreaming, as we are still standing in the garage, and that my hair is not braided, and that I just gave her the best orgasm of her life...hemce, her lulling off into dreamland to begin with...*
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Martha Stewart: How fabulously ironic! Could you furnish me with a link to this post? I really haven't any clue about other threads containing licorice whip golf clubs with enema bags. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> LIAR!!!! And no I can't furnish you with a link as that forum was shut down for 'attack coordination'. It seems we did some rather nasty posting tactics on someone else's forum. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nauseous: And the plot thickens...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Indeed it does...much like a three-day old bucket of hamster vomit that's been sittin out in the summer heat.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Ulfur Engil: *Decides to be a gentleman again, and points out to her that in fact SHE was the one dreaming, as we are still standing in the garage, and that my hair is not braided, and that I just gave her the best orgasm of her life...hemce, her lulling off into dreamland to begin with...*<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Looks around, see's SS paraphenalia littered about and no sign of a licorice whip. Carefully walks backwards out of Ulfur's garage fingering the goo from her love box and wonders just what the hell really happened. Trips over Fred and breaks the camcorder and finds that the prize winning rose bush has been confiscated by the US government. Begins to run and realizes that the floppy breasts that once adorned her were now just fried eggs without any bacon. [ August 02, 2002: Message edited by: Martha Stewart ]
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FredVegas: Indeed it does...much like a three-day old bucket of hamster vomit that's been sittin out in the summer heat.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh relax, Fredward. It's not uncommon to witness talk of enema bags and other nasties in this forum. As far as the whip, I can't explain it. See me in PM's if you wish...
*watches in total amazement as UE and Martha argue over the fine line that seperates fantasy from reality...* *then watches Martha scamper off muttering something about Denny's grand-slam breakfast and SS paraphenalia...* UE, I think that crack ho's piss is makin' me trip out or something...things are getting very strange in here.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Martha Stewart: Oh relax, Fredward. It's not uncommon to witness talk of enema bags and other nasties in this forum. As far as the whip, I can't explain it. See me in PM's if you wish...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> lmfao! True. Must be my paranoia creepin in again...or is it?
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FredVegas: UE, I think that crack ho's piss is makin' me trip out or something...things are getting very strange in here.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You bet they are...I just got promised a breakfast date by Martha Stewart after I show off my SS regalia to her. Damned strange evening..
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FredVegas: lmfao! True. Must be my paranoia creepin in again...or is it?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Crack can do that to a guy.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Martha Stewart: See, now you're doin it again. Layin down subtle shit...
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FredVegas: See, now you're doin it again. Layin down subtle shit... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Jesus Christ. Have you been partying a lot lately or what man?
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Martha Stewart: Jesus Christ. Have you been partying a lot lately or what man?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Lately? Wasn't aware that I had ever stopped.... Last night did get weird(er) after my last post in this thread. My roommate came home from work with some co-workers, a gram of coke and some beer. After about an hour, a friend of mine called to see what we were doing. He mentioned that he was getting some coke as well so I told him he should come over and hang out. 20 minutes later he shows up with about 6 people, a quarter ounce of coke (7 grams) and about 2 cases of beer. Everything was going pretty good at first. My roommates co-workers ran out of coke and asked my friend if they could buy some off of him. He told them that he wasn't tryin to sell any of what he had cause he's going to a party later tonight, so 1 of my roommates co-workers left to score another gram for him and his friend. While the 1 dude was gone his buddy starts askin my friend about maybe layin out some lines for like 20 bucks or so. He said no, but he'd lay out some lines if they did the same when the other dude got back with their shit. Everything seemed cool. When my roommates co-worker got back I told him that my friend would match him line for line and he seemed to like the idea (mainly cause he knew that my friend had quite a bit more than he did and was hoping he'd be generous) so he immediately laid out his gram and it was up everyones nostrils in a matter of minutes. This is where shit got shady. My friend laid out about 1 line for everyone in the room (about 10 of us) and put the rest in his pocket. That was the first and last of the coke he would end up giving out openly that night. We all continued to drink and after about 45 minutes I noticed that one of my roommates co-workers was looking a little edgy. He kept lookin at me like he was all pissed off. I had a pretty good idea that he was mad cause my friend wasn't layin out any more coke which I had earlier given him the impression that he would. Oops, my bad. Turns out that my friend didn't like my roommates co-workers and wasn't tryin to hook them up in the least. So instead of sayin something to my friend, this fuckin prick keeps lookin at me as if there was something I could do about it. I can partially understand his lack of desire to say something to my friend. My friend's name is Zack, but everyone in town calls him Tank. He sports full sleeves (tattoos from the shoulder to the wrist), stands about 6 feet 4 inches tall and weighs about 280. The motherfucker is a human wreckin ball. There was no way in hell that my roommates co-worker, Jason, was gonna say shit to Tank cause Jason is about 5 foot 5 inches tall and weighs about 170, a pudgy fucker with a bad case of short mans disease (always tryin to act like a hardass to make up for his lack of intimidating height). Anyway, my boy Tank rolls out to head home cause he's gotta work kinda early. Right after he leaves, Jason starts gettin all pissy about the fact that Tank only gave him 1 line and he laid out his whole gram and now had none left. He immediately starts tryin to say that it was my fault. I "gave him the impression" that Tank was gonna hook him up, which he didn't. At this point it was my roommate, his 2 co-workers Jason and Rob, some chic named Allisa, and myself. Jason starts yellin all sorts of dumb shit, blaming me for his lack of coke, and was being a real dickhead about the whole thing. My roommate does his best to calm him down but Jason just keeps talkin shit. Meanwhile, I'm on the porch being held back by Rob cause now I'm pissed off too. I couldn't believe that Jason had the fuckin balls to try and lay the blame on me. I didn't force him to throw his whole gram on the table right from the get go. Everyones yellin at Jason to shut the fuck up, cause they all knew he was way off base. Jason's yellin some dumb shit about how he's not afraid of me, that my 'tough guy act' didn't scare him at all. At this point my roommate gets pissed off at Jason, walks over to me and calmy says,"if ya wanna kick his ass, feel free, this dipshit needs it." I couldn't have agreed more, so I start walkin towards dipshit's truck. Dipshit's still yellin shit but I notice that he's also getting in his truck like he's going somewhere. Unfortunately for him I was only about 10 steps from him and closing in fast. Before he could fully get in his truck I grabbed him, spun him around to face me, and hit him twice in the face. He stumbles to the ground and kinda whimpers a bit as I turn around to walk back inside. As I get to the porch I hear his truck start up and he drives off. The best part is that it turns out I fucked his girlfriend last month. I just found that out about an hour ago (that Kim was his girlfriend). I can't seem to wipe the grin off my face... The point is, none of this would have happened tonight if I'd just been playing Diablo 2 LoD like I usually do...
