SOME ARMY RANKS EXPLAINED

General

Faster than a speeding bullet.
More powerful than a locomotive.
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
Walks on water.
Lunches with God, but must pick up tab.

Colonel

Almost as fast as a speeding bullet.
More powerful than a shunting engine on a steep incline.
Leaps short buildings with a single bound.
Walks on water if sea is calm.
Talks to God.

Lieutenant-Colonel

Faster than an energetically thrown rock.
Almost as powerful as a speeding bullet.
Leaps short buildings with a running start in favourable winds.
Walks on water of indoor swimming pools if lifeguard is present.
May be granted audience with God if special request is approved at least three working days in advance.

Major

Can fire a speeding bullet with tolerable accuracy.
Loses tug-of-war against anything mechanical.
Makes impressively high marks when trying to leap tall buildings.
Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by God, in passing.

Captain

Can sometimes handle firearm without shooting self.
Is run over by trains.
Barely clears outhouse.
Dog paddles.
Mumbles to self.

Lieutenant

Is dangerous to self and comrades if armed and unsupervised.
Recognizes trains two out of three times.
Runs into tall buildings.
Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of life jacket and water wings.
Talks to walls.

2nd Lieutenant

Can be trusted with either gun or ammunition but never both.
Must have train ticket pinned to jacket and mittens tied to sleeves.
Falls over doorsteps while trying to enter tall buildings.
Plays in Mud puddles.
Studders.

Officer Cadet

Under no circumstances to be issued with gun or ammunition, and must even be closely supervised when handling sharp pieces of paper - staples are right out.
Says: "Look at choo choo!"
Not allowed inside buildings of any size.
Makes good boat anchor.
Mere existence makes God shudder.

Sergeant-Major

Catches hyper sonic armour peircing fin stabilized discarding sabot depleted uranium long rod penetrators in his teeth and eats them.
Kicks bullet trains off their tracks.
Uproots tall buildings and walk under them.
Freezes water with a single glance; parts it with trifling gesture.

Is God.

8)

 

How about "bullet catcher" for all the ranks?

 

I didn't read any of those things she posted, but I'm pretty sure the bullet catching meat shields are called Infantry.

 

yup. bullet catchers, cannon fodder, infantry..same difference.

 

har har har

that was fuckin funny

the military is for dumbasses, if youre dumb enough to wanna try the rambo thing anyway, mercenary work is where the money is at

 

Or 'company' work..but while (as evidenced by the pic whipone dug up) I did well in burning villages 101 at the school of the Americas at Ft. Benning, I failed miserably in genital electroshock and chinese water torture, so I couldn't work for the CIA, or be a part of any of their secret squirrel missions, dammit.

So I stuck to giving out the bandaids.

 

your loss

i wouldnt mind stomping some babies head under my imperialistic boot right now :shock:

 

Send your application right now! I hear they are looking for a few sick men..

 

Hey Medivet remember when I hated you???

 

Don't you initially hate everyone?

 

I try...but I still hate Medicvet....

 

Thank god for the girls of porn.

 

The sad part is Everyone I knew in highschool is dead.......

 

Doesnt make you a bad person . . .

 

Mia, you are such a pink cigarette.

 

Thats the nicest thing anyone has eva said t me

 

Sweet Charity!

 

Man I'd love to stick around but I'm on a Desert search for techno Allah right now.....

 

Thats ok Schmed as I wasnt talking to you in the first place

xx

 

I think Schmed was refering to a certain air conditioned nightmare.