I thought about my grandma a lot in the hospital. I was staying in the same one that she passed away in and it was comforting to think that she was somehow there with me... damnit, now I'm getting tears in my eyes. Some people aren't lucky enough to get to know their grandparents. I really only think about her as my only grandparent. One was dead before I was born, the other died shortly after (he was a piece of shit, so no loss), and the other died when I was in sixth grade. I still have a step grandmother, but I never really got to know her. She's nice but she's nothing like my grandmother. A few X-mases ago, we're sitting around the table and someone mentions something about next X-mas and she's (step g-ma) like, "I hope I'm dead by then." I mean, what do you say to that? It wasn't sarcasm and it felt very awkward.
Could you turn it around into a joke or amusing anecdote to maybe steer the conversation away from morbidity? Like, ask whom was in her will, so you know what kind of present to buy her next year? Just a thought. I mean, she didn't really leave you with any other options besides changing the conversation or molding it into one of those "don't listen to her... she's kidding, kids!" moments...
You know, one of the most difficult things I can imagine trying to overcome if I ever become a parent (or find out if I'm one, for that matter,) is convincing a young mind to trust experience, and to just take my word for it when it comes to certain matters. That has to be the hardest part of parenting. Relating to your children, maintaining authority, and imparting wisdom in one complicated step. Repeatedly, even. Even though I've not been through the 'parenting' and 'grandparenting' steps (and, quite frankly, may never be, considering my penchant for carnal pleasures with older women that are sooooo appreciative to show off their time-forged talents on prime younger men) - but I can't help but think that something within us requires us to quantify, qualify, and confirm that which we are told, including "words of the wise" from our elders, before accepting them as truth. Of course, this isn't always a weakness... Especially if your Uncle Ted is telling you about how sticking your fist into a food processor pleases "God" - but then again, how often does religion skew people's actions the wrong way???
I'd just like to visit the place you hiked... One thing I forgot to mention with regard to the owl story (and this is just probably another coincidence) - A few years ago, when my Grandma was still living alone, she heard a noise coming from inside a gutter pipe one day. An animal of some sort had become lodged in the pipe, and she had the pipe cut away and removed to free the animal - turns out, it was a baby owl. My first thought was of the symbolism associated with both the owl gesture she used to make with me, and coupled with this new story about the rescued owl made me want to research the average lifespan of an owl. Of course, being the skeptic, I can't help but think of "signs" as things that would normally occur if you were in said place at said time, but if in the back of your mind you're thinking of someone, and the things that you associate with them, chances are that you're going to be more alert to visual/audio triggers that evoke said memories, and their reciprocal meaning to yourself. As humans, we have a tendancy to believe what we imagine, and imagine what we believe. I don't think I'll be completely sold on a particular school of thought until I take my final breath, but honestly - I'd love to prove myself wrong (long before my final breath, of course,) and as a human being, still hope for some greater meaning.
owls scare me. We have a bunch where I live- Never see them... but god the noises they make at a certain time a year...then the coyotes start up. And somewhere near- someone has peacocks - ... and also sometimes you will hear bob cats... it sounds like a jungle. Both Peacocks and bobcats make sounds that sound like a woman yelling "help" deep in the woods. The owls will talk back and forth... its cool, but creepy. My sister had a momma owl and 2 babies in her barn a few years ago. She always tried to get me to look at them...but I was scared- I would get attacked.
I like crows. I had a crow follow me around the cemetery once. It kept squawking and carrying on and it would fly up a tree or two ahead of me and then wait for me to get close and it would fly ahead of me again. It did that around the cemetery twice. It was a big sprawling cemetery too. Also had a hawk follow me around for a while. I would see it around town a few places and it would watch me. Then it started showing up in my back yard a few times. I videotaped it because I thought I was hallucinating because every time I would go get my boyfriend at the time to come outside to see it, it would be gone and I was starting to think I was going crazy. But I have it on tape. Actually there were three of them.
Owls use to scare me as a child due to a story I heard from my friends grandma(ironic?). It was of an old indian owlman who sit's outside of homes and call out the names of persons soon to die. So everytime I would hear an owl, I would hide under the covers and put the pillow over my head so I wouldnt hear him calling my name.
