<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Scrawine: Fuck the british queen<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> i did... she was shit... i fucked the pope too.. he was no better.. if i'd have got to them before they became dried up, wrinkled old bastards with senile dementia... maybe they'd have given a better performance..... oh well... thirty years too late eh..
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Scrawine: Why did you have to bring that fucking queen into the topic. Fuck the british queen<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Shit!!!Now I really am convinced you are into knee-capping! Hey Pimpdaddy...If you meet Scrawine when she comes to this country.I highly recommend you get customs to give her a thorough strip search.Or failing that,do it yourself at the nearest oppotunity... ------------------ Aardvark-Zyrian
lmfao!!! Pinky you obviously haven't seen my picture, I've got a really innocent face-don't I pimp?? I just don't like the british queen being talked about-ruined our fucking country for decades and the war still continues. As for knee capping-you don't have to worry pinky-I don't hurt ppl I know
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Fecal Leaker: what does that feel like??<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I live in Germany and have had many lovely experiences with many large male dogs in past years. Friends and other people I have met and talked to concerning their intimate sexual experiences and fantasies have asked me for details of how to have sex with their pet(s) -- when the topic came up. Rather than having to go through the whole spiel over and over again I made this text file to print out or post for the curious. I really do hope this will help someone. Dog Selection: You probably already have a dog or dogs, anyways this section can help those who are looking for a lifetime sexual companion. Most dogs will do just fine but I would suggest the larger breed of dog like the German Shepherd, Great Dane, Dalmatian, Black Lab. or Saint Bernard cross and other mixed breeds. A "Heinz57" dog may not win a show for you but his hybrid vigor will startle you for sure! All dogs love sex, they like to lick and they are fully capable of satisfying you about every other day if you want it. Your male dog will be much happier and live longer in good health if you give him more than just a home, food and companionship. The age of your companion should be 8 months or more, but be aware that his first time is very important or he could be turned off on sex with you for the rest of his life. The first time "imprints" his response to you and you to him and it is very important to both of you when you need to make love. Please read all of this guide before you try anything! How to K9: The male dog is a four-legged sex machine. He has survived over the centuries by his sheer capacity for reproduction. His sense of smell is thousands of times more sensitive than ours and he uses it to find and fulfill his great need for sex. In our times, dogs are confined in an unnatural city environment and are denied all sex for months, years or even for all of their natural lives. How would you like to live your whole life denied all sex? It is cruel to your dog and unnatural to not relieve his or her sexual tensions by normal means or at least by masturbation. I assume that if you have read this far that you are curious enough to consider extending the happy master/pet relationship bond you have now with your dog to a richer, deeper, human/animal bond that only real K9 sex can provide. If so then great -- your dog will love you in new ways you can not even imagine! Your Attire: This is very important. Dogs have a very keen sense of smell and he will enjoy the odor of your hot sweaty body under him as he pleasures you, the scents of your hair, your neck and ears are all recorded by him each and every time he takes you and they will drive him wild -- do not ruin it for him by wearing any clothing. And do not use or change your perfume. This will confuse him, no two T-shirts or any other attire smell exactly the same every time he mounts you, and he needs to imprint on YOUR smell -- not something artificial like black stockings, perfume etc. Now, then each and every time he favors you your natural scent will be recognized by him and it will drive him on to do his masculine work better, deeper and harder than ever before! Step 1 The Licking: Well, enough of the preliminaries already! I guess, by now you are as ready to take him in as he must be to pound your pelvis. You may now have a TON of questions about "how do I"? Like I have said already the average male dog is a virtual sex machine, just lie on your back and let him lick you silly till you come. If he won't at first, or if he is very young and inexperienced, then powder your pussy with powdered sugar or one tsp. full of honey or peanut butter (smooth or chunky) placed inside your love cave. They also like whipped cream or strawberry ice cream. If that doesn't work then you might try one plain sardine (head or tail first) shoved into your hot pussy -- make sure you have the windows closed so the whole neighborhood won't hear your screams of delight as he cleans you out thoroughly with his long rasping tongue! Dogs can simply lick forever -- their tongues just never seem to get tired of it. Caution: If you get your dog very horny and hard and you don't want to go any further please do him a favor and masturbate him so he does not get a very painful case of the "blue balls." You can do this by hand, but be warned that a dog's penis (unlike that of a man) is sensitive over it's entire length so no fingernails or teeth must touch his penis or he will not like it and go slack on you real quick. Also do NOT fondle his balls (scrotum) or he will get mad and might even bite you. After he licks you for a time he will usually be very eager to mount (if he is not yet ready then stroke his hardening penis in it's fur covered sheath gently, but NEVER touch his balls -- dogs hate that). Dogs have a sense of what you want of them and what you are feeling and thinking at the moment. When he is ready you can tell -- he will be humping your leg or anything else within reach -- getting him to this point leads to the next steps. Step 2 Lubrication: If you are a girl and have performed step 1 for a while no lubrication will be necessary. If you are a guy (yes men can do this too) use KY-jelly or some vegetable oil to lubricate your ass so he can slide in easily -- do not use anything else as it could be toxic to you and your dog. Step 3 the Platform: There are two main positions I can recommend, but feel free to experiment. The first is the standard "missionary position" where you lie on your back with your massive beast on top. Here the angle is everything. Make sure his sheath is LEVEL with where you want his bone to thrust in or you are wasting his time and yours. You must NOT frustrate him at this point -- especially if it's his first time to pleasure you! I recommend using two common cinder blocks end to end and covered with a towel for lying on your back "missionary style", or on your chest if using the all fours position (you can add a pillow as well, if your partner is very large -- but if you have a Great Dane then just bend over and he will take you from behind pronto!). You could also just lie on a mattress placed on the floor, but It will get messy -- make sure you have a LARGE towel handy to soak up all the juices and jism that are about to be generated here. Another thing that you must do is trim and file his claws (and the dew claw especially) if you don't he could, in the heat of passion, scratch you -- but I sort of enjoy that part! If you are worried about scratches (they might be hard to explain to your hubby) then fit a couple of baby socks over his two front paws -- that will help, but some dogs do not like them on their paws. If you are on all fours and bent well over his back legs and pads will hop up, and may rest on your back legs, but he will just stand there and usually won't scratch you as he will be tied in to you by then and he will just stand fairly still. The second position is what I call "all fours" where you kneel down on your knees and elbows (knees spread to maintain the appropriate angle to his pulsating shaft as he thrusts into you) and you then place your forehead on the ground, floor or on a pillow -- he will then have total access to your body. His front legs will clasp your waist in a vice like grip and his front paws will dig into your thighs as he thrusts fast and hard into you his hot tongue may lap your neck and his rump will flatten as he gets his knot inside you with his tail thrashing wildly, if you want more then try to crawl forward at this point -- he will then think you are trying to escape from him and he will proceed to fuck your brains out. When he fills you completely, if you are on all fours, bend forward and let him (or help him now) to put both his rear paws on your calf leg muscles, just behind your knees. Then he will hop on his back legs now as never before as his muscular loins stiffen and contract and he drives his bone deep inside of you again and again and again. Try not to scream -- you might scare or spook him. The all fours position is a very advanced position in which you have little control, it is the natural position for him and you will not believe how wild he will get as he pounds into you again and again. Caution: if it's yours or his first time and you want to try this position please call a friend to stand buy for assistance -- if things go wrong you or your dog could be injured and you need to prevent that. If you are a young girl or of a frail body build please realize that 85+ pounds of male dog can be as strong as a man and more determined -- when he gets going he could rape you and even injure you so get a friend to stand buy at least for a time or two until you know what to expect. All dogs are different and I have met some that are very aggressive when they get turned on and they just won't stop -- so please be careful. The Mount: The dick of your dog has a stiff bone inside it and can be very hard -- so you (or call on a friend now) may need to assist him at first to find your sweet spot, so he does not harm you by accident. Once he feels your hot pussy with the tip of his tool and thrusts deep inside your pelvis -- you will know it! The Knot or Tie: In ether of the above positions your pet will try his very best to "tie" with you as you are now HIS bitch and he wants to make sure that you get very pregnant (don't worry I am a biology major and I assure you that can't happen), but he does not know it. In the "missionary position" you have a lot of control over what he does but he will thrust wildly at first then he will finally begin to slow down and his knot will begin to swell inside you -- it gets bigger and Bigger and BIGGER so be prepared. The knot on a large dog can be as big as a handball or even a tennis ball! So please keep this in mind if you decide to go all the way and "tie" with your K9 lover. Again, like I said, have a handler or boy friend nearby in case you need someone strong to restrain your lover in his wild and woolly heat of passion. Again if you are worried (by this time you may be aching to tie with your dog anyway no matter what) you can keep his knot out of you till it swells a bit and then he can't get it inside you again no matter how hard he tries and this also goes for the all fours position. But even with his knot outside -- you and he can be satisfied as you lie or kneel there and he pumps you full of his red hot jism for about 20 minutes or more!! Caution: Have a helper nearby if you try to "tie" with your dog the first time you let him take you. A dog is a wild animal and his instincts will drive him to tie with you, then turn around to face any other threat that may approach HIS mate so you need to be sure he does not jump off you or pull out his tool too soon before his knot goes down, Ouch!!! If you have watched dogs mate with each other then you know what I mean, he will try to position himself so you are rump to rump. Without help or assistance he could stumble or fall and harm you when he pops out, especially if your pussy is tight or you were a virgin. The tie in process will take 10 to 45 minutes or more, depending on the dog -- so relax and give yourself plenty of time to enjoy his special treats. Again just to be safe on all fours (your chest resting on the cinder blocks or something very solid) you need to place one hand on his rump just above the base of his tail which by now should be limp as he goes into a continuous wild orgasm. You will feel the pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, on and on and on again in the palm of your hand and inside for about 15 or 20 minutes as he fills you up with his hot jism! You will also need to SLOWLY grasp a foreleg just above the paw joint then smoothly glide your hand to his paw and grasp it -- do this slowly or you might spook him to bolt off you. Again have your boyfriend standing by -- he will get off for sure just watching! Your dog will now go very still, except for the pulsing and panting (he won't thrust anymore) and his head will begin to slowly droop over your shoulder and he will relax, and sigh in absolute ecstasy as he begins to drool his hot saliva down the back of your neck and pump you full of his K9 jism. But he is not finished with you yet! In most cases you will be tied together for quite some time so get comfortable. Now until he begins to max out (swell his knot to it's maximum size) it may be mildly uncomfortable. This may be for a short time as he swells inside you but the pleasure is indescribable -- you will realize your friends just don't know what they are missing. Since your vagina can hold the head of a baby it can very easily accommodate the knot of your lover. Just try not to panic and have your helper hold the dog or keep one hand on his rump and clasp a forepaw with the other (especially if the dog is new to sex) to try to hold him still until you feel him begin to squirm around on top of you and his knot suddenly start to shrink. When that happens he will try very hard to dismount and you should let him but not right away; let the knot go down all the way first. After he gets off your back or front he will want to lick you -- this is the natural signal to a female dog that the mating is complete and it makes her contract to hold in his jism. But in your case his semen will be gushing out of you but not to worry -- he will clean you thoroughly before he starts to clean himself up, if he does not, then encourage him a bit. From now on as you admire your K9 companion and look into his eyes you will both know you are bonded forever by friendship and by love.
