Dead Baby Jokes

Discussion in 'Jokes, Funny Stories and other Text.' started by FrostyDaSnowPimp, Dec 8, 2003.

  1. FrostyDaSnowPimp

    FrostyDaSnowPimp New Member

    Messages:
    50
    A woman was lying in her hospital bed recuperating after an intense
    12 hour delivery of a bouncing baby boy.

    Moments later the hospital room door opened, and in walked
    the delivery nurse carrying the baby boy ....

    SUDDENLY the nurse THROWS the baby on the floor, kicks it up
    against the wall, picks it up and TWIRLS it around several times
    and THROWS it against the wall....

    Well, just bewildered, the woman gives out a loud SHREEEK and
    hollers MY GOD ..... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY ??????

    The Nurse chuckles a little to herself 'April Fools', she says...
    He was ALREADY DEAD !!!!!!!!!!

    hehehe.... now that would be funny...

     
  2. FrostyDaSnowPimp

    FrostyDaSnowPimp New Member

    Messages:
    50
    What do you call a dead baby nailed to a wall? Art
    What is better than a baby spinning at 150 MPH on a clothesline? Stopping it with a shovel.
     
  3. Dr.Roboto

    Dr.Roboto New Member

    Messages:
    979
    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FrostyDaSnowPimp:
    What do you call a dead baby nailed to a wall? Art
    What is better than a baby spinning at 150 MPH on a clothesline? Stopping it with a shovel.
    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    how many times has this been posted here?
     
  4. FrostyDaSnowPimp

    FrostyDaSnowPimp New Member

    Messages:
    50
    Probably quite a few times... but every time i read/visualize it.. it just keeps getting funnier...
     
  5. Coma White

    Coma White New Member

    Messages:
    233
    the second one has been posted a few times but its still funny

    that first one was fucking great im still laughing right now
     
  6. FrostyDaSnowPimp

    FrostyDaSnowPimp New Member

    Messages:
    50
    Disclaimer: I am not sure if these have been posted before, so if they are.. be sure to belittle me as much as possible! please!

    Q. What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock?
    A. You can't fuck a rock.

    Q: Whats orange and pink at the bottom of a swimming pool?
    A: A baby with slashed armbands.

    Q: Whats orange pink and green at the top of a swimming pool?
    A: Same baby 2 weeks later

    Q: What's red and pink and floats on top of the pool?
    A: Armbands with a slashed baby

    Q: How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
    A: Nail it's other hand to the floor.

    Q. What sits in a corner and shrinks?
    A. A baby licking a cheese grater.

    Q: What's the difference between an abortion and sand?
    A: You can't eat sand.

    Q: How many babies does it take to tile a roof?
    A: Depends on how thin you slice them.

    Q: Why do you put a baby feet first into a blender?
    A: To see the expression on its face.

    Q: How do you get the same baby out again?
    A: Chips. (or a straw)

    thats it for now.. more to come I'm sure
     
  7. Coma White

    Coma White New Member

    Messages:
    233
    hahaha those where fucking good too

    some of them has been posted before but who gives a shit
     
  8. FrostyDaSnowPimp

    FrostyDaSnowPimp New Member

    Messages:
    50
    Same Disclaimer as before... On my shitty ass blog that i did for like a month i compiled a loooong ass list of jokes about dead babies, and, seeing as how i am a lazy fuck i am not going to give you the pleasure of weeding out the ones that were just posted. HA! So there... Cock smokes...


    Q: What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
    A: A baby with a javelin through its throat.

    Q: What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies?
    A: One live one in the middle is eating its way out.

    Q: What's blue and sits in the corner?
    A: A baby in a baggie.

    Q: What's present do you get for a dead baby?
    A: A dead puppy.

    Q: What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
    A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

    Q: What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
    A: A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!

    Q: What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
    A: A baby with forks in its eyes.

    Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
    A: It was stapled to the chicken.

    Q: What do you get when you cut a baby with a straight razor?
    A: An erection.

    Q: Why did the baby fall off the swing?
    A: Because it had no arms or legs.

    Q: What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
    A: A bus load of babies on fire.

    Q: What's harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
    A: Nailing it to a dead puppy.

    Q: What's grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
    A: One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

    Q: What's pink and chunky?
    A: A baby with leporacy.

    Q: Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
    A: So you can pick them up five at a time.

    Q: How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.

    Q: What's pink and spits?
    A: A baby in a frying pan.

    Q: What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
    A: Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.

    Q: What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
    A: Sticking pins in their eyes.

    Q: How do you make a baby cry twice?
    A: Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear.


    Q: What's the best sound in the world?
    A: Hearing dead baby's hips crack under pressure!

    Q: what wiggles spits and is covered in shit?
    A: inside out baby!

    Q: What's blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool?
    A: A baby with burst armbands.

    Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
    A: Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.

    Q: Whats worse than a having sex with a dead baby?
    A: Having sex with a dead baby filled with razor blades.

    Q: What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
    A: Crib death.

    Q: Why is there always hot water at childbirth?
    A: In case of a stillbirth, soup.

    Q: How do you stop a baby from choking?
    A: Take your dick out of its mouth.

    Q: What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
    A: A baby in a microwave.

    Q: When is the best time to bury that baby you killed?
    A: When it starts talking to you again.

    Q: How many babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
    A: It depends on how hard you squeeze them.

    Q: What's more fun than stapling babies to a wall?
    A: Ripping them off again.

    Q: What do you call a dead baby with its skin peeled off?
    A: Sexy.

    Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?
    A: A dead baby in a clown costume!

    Q: What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
    A: A baby with a punctured lung.

    Q: What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall?
    A: Art!

    Q: How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
    A: With a blender!

    Q: How do you get them out again?
    A: With Doritos!!

    Q: What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
    A: A baby chewing on razor blades.

    Q: What is green and sits in a corner?
    A: The same baby, six weeks later.

    Q: Why did the Baby fall out of the Tree?
    A: Because he was DEAD!

    Q: What's grosser than gross?
    A: A garbage can full of dead babies.
    Q: What's grosser than that?
    A: The one at the bottom is still alive.
    Q: What's grosser than that?
    A: He has to eat his way to freedom.
    Q: What's grosser than that?
    A: He goes back for more.

    Q: How do you get a baby to run faster?
    A: Chase it with the lawn mower.

    Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
    A: You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby.

    Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
    A: A Doberman in a children's playground!

    Q: What does a baby and a Pinto have in common?
    A: They're fun to ride until they die.

    Q: What happens when you burn baby's face off?
    A: It makes weird noises and crawls into walls.

    Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?
    A: A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

    Q: What do you get whan you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
    A: Deep Throat.

    Q: What's blue and bloated and floating in your beer?
    A: A dead baby with fetal alcohol syndrome!

    Q: Whats white and red and hangs from a telephone wire?
    A: A baby shot through a snowblower.

    Q: How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
    A: The dog plays with it more.

    Q: What does a bum call a dead baby in a dumpster?
    A: A Freeloader.

    Q: What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender?
    A: Hold on. I'll tell you in a second.

    Q: What is better than a dead baby?
    A: The revoked child-support.

    Q: Whats the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
    A: Grandmothers dont die when you fuck them in the ass

    Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup?
    A: The dead baby won't stick to the roof of your mouth.

    Q: Why didn't they crucify baby jesus?
    A: I dont know why they didn't either.

    Q: What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
    A: You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

    Q: What's the worst thing about fucking a dead baby?
    A: Wiping the blood stains off of your clown suit!
    Q: What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
    A: You can't gargle gravel.

    Q: Why did the toddler fall off his bike?
    A1: A fridge fell on him .
    A2: He was quadraplegic.

    Q: Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
    A: So you can tell which ones are still alive.

    Q: How do you know when you hit a live one?
    A: The pitchfork shakes

    Q: What's this? (hold arms out and shake them)
    A: A live one.

    Q: Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
    A: So you can see the expression on its face!

    Q: What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
    A: A baby playing in a plastic bag.

    Q: What is bright blue, pink, and sizzles?
    A: A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.

    Q: What's sicker than driving over a baby?
    A: Skidding.

    Q: How do you spoil a baby?
    A: Leave it out in the sun.

    Q: How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
    A: Stick a javelin through it's head.

    Q: How do you make a gay men pregnant?
    A: stick a dead baby up his ass!

    Q: Why did the toddler drop it's lollypop?
    A: It was hit by a truck...

    Q: What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
    A: Twins in an acid bath.

    Q: What's red, screams and goes around in circles?
    A: A baby with its foot nailed to the floor.

    Q: What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?
    A: I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.

    Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house?
    A: Depends how hard you throw them.

    Q: Whats more fun than feeling up a dead baby
    A: Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples

    Q: What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
    A: The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun

    Q: How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day?
    A: You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a boquet of roses up his ass.
    Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a felt tip marker?
    A: you don't get second looks when you're writing with a felt tip marker!

    Q: Why did the dead baby cross the road?
    A: It was chained to a bumper.

    Q: What do you have when you have 4 dead babies, take away two, and add 5 more?
    A: An orgy!

    Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
    A: You can't fuck a table.

    Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
    A: Take your foot off of it's head.

    Q: If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, is it still hilarious?

    Q: What is red and creeps up your leg?
    A: A homesick abortion.

    Q: What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
    A: A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.

    Q: What do vegetarian dingos eat?
    A: Cabbage patch kids.

    Q : Whats white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ?
    A : A Pedophiles ass.

    Q: What's the difference between a watermelon and a dead baby?
    A: A watermelon floats.

    Q: Whats the safest way to play with a baby ?
    A: With a condom.

    Q: What gets louder as it gets smaller?
    A: A baby in a trash compacter.

    Q: What do you call a baby on a stick?
    A: A Kebabie.

    Q: What's the difference between a lamp and a dead baby?
    A: It's really easy to turn on a lamp.

    Q: Whats does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
    A: Cancer.

    Q: Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
    A: Because they're hand made.

    Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
    A: When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

    Q: What is the definition of revenge?
    A: A baby with a dingo in its mouth.

    Q: What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
    A: You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.

    Q: Why is the black power sign a clenched fist?
    A: So they dont fall off the trees.

    Q: Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
    A: You can unscrew a light bulb.

    Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
    A: Fucked

    Q: Whats worse than smoking pot with a baby?
    A: Making a bong out of it.

    Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
    A: Fucked

    Q: Whats worse than smoking pot with a baby?
    A: Making a bong out of it.

    Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
    A: Fucked

    Q: Whats worse than smoking pot with a baby?
    A: Making a bong out of it.

    Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
    A: Fucked

    Q: Whats worse than smoking pot with a baby?
    A: Making a bong out of it.

    Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
    A: Fucked

    Q: Whats worse than smoking pot with a baby?
    A: Making a bong out of it.

    Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
    A: Fucked

    Q: Whats worse than smoking pot with a baby?
    A: Making a bong out of it.

    Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
    A: Fucked

    Q: Whats worse than smoking pot with a baby?
    A: Making a bong out of it.

    Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
    A: Fucked

    Q: Whats worse than smoking pot with a baby?
    A: Making a bong out of it.

    Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
    A: Fucked

    Q: Whats worse than smoking pot with a baby?
    A: Making a bong out of it.

    Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
    A: A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.

    Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
    A: Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.

    Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a golden delicious apple?
    A: I don't cum all over the golden delicious apple before I take a bite out of it

    Q: Why do you put a baby in the blender feet first ?
    A: To see the expression on it face!

    Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?
    A: I don't kiss my girlfriend after sex.

    Q: what do you call a dead baby, a rat, 6 week old bread and a gerkin?
    A:Big Mac

    Q: How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
    A: Nail it's other hand to the floor.

    Q: What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
    A: A trashcan lid in a dead baby.

    Q: What's small, and red, and full of holes?
    A: A baby on a bed of nails.

    Q: How do you get a baby out of a tree?
    A: You give a Mexican a stick and tell him it's a penata!


    Q: What's small, and shiny, and blue?
    A: A baby with a plastic baggy over its head.

    Q: How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
    A: 4 1/2.

    Q: How do you prevent a baby from exploding in the microwave?
    A: Poke holes in it with a coat hanger.

    Q: What do you call a 30week-old premee?
    A: An Appetizer!

    So there it is! in its entirity! I hope you enjoy the depravity invovled in that and please IM me at FrostyDaSnwPmp if you have enjoyed yourself because i really need to get some donations for the therapy that A.) I have incured the need for over the writting of this list and B) for the people who read it without any warning and will undoubtadly sue my broke ass.
     
  9. FrostyDaSnowPimp

    FrostyDaSnowPimp New Member

    Messages:
    50
    yea... i suck.. sorry about the repeat of the fucked/mmake a bong jokes in themiddle there... when i saw it it was to late... tried to edit it but im stupid and don;t know how
     
  10. KaptainSkitzo

    KaptainSkitzo New Member

    Messages:
    959
    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FrostyDaSnowPimp:
    yea... i suck..im stupid <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Fixed it for ya.
     
  11. FrostyDaSnowPimp

    FrostyDaSnowPimp New Member

    Messages:
    50
    ah.. indeed... i coulda been more concise... but eh.. yea.. to sum it up.. I suck and God hates me...
     
  12. KaptainSkitzo

    KaptainSkitzo New Member

    Messages:
    959
    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FrostyDaSnowPimp:
    ah.. indeed... i coulda been more concise... but eh.. yea.. to sum it up.. I suck and God hates me...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Trust me on this, God is NOT alone on that.
     

Share This Page