Post your favorite Christmas song lyrics thread!!!

Disorder · Dec 3, 2007

genius

ucicare · Dec 3, 2007

MAJ Havoc said: ↑

Twas the night before Spam-mas and all through the forum
The spammers were blasting and we couldn’t ignore ‘em
The rants were all posted on the website with care,
In hopes that St. Harlan soon would be there
Joeslogic was snuggled all safe in his bed
While visions of Viagra danced in his head
And headee in her nightie, and I in my jimmy,
Had just settled down for a long sweaty shimmy,
When out on the lawn there arose such amok,
I sprang from the bed to yell, “WTF?”
Away to the window I ran like a deer,
Grabbed a small trash can and threw up some beer
When what to my bloodshot eyes was appearing
An old Volkswagen and 8 Fuglydites nearing
With a little old driver, so nerdy and darlin’
I knew in a moment it must be St. Harlan
More vapid than ‘Chichi his misfits they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Nursey! now, Phatboy! now, Tommy and ‘Mate!
On, Smiles! on Grimmy! on, Barry and ‘Grape!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now piss away! piss away! piss away all!"
As lawn chairs that during a hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the misfits they flew,
With the car full of drugs, and St. Harlan too.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Harlan came with a bound.
He was dressed all in spandex, from his head to his toes,
And he flexed and he vogued and he then struck a pose;
A bundle of spam he had poised on his head,
And he smirked like Smurfslappa winning the “last to post” thread
His eyes -- how they darted! his skin was so blotched!
He shook like a wino who’d just run out of scotch!
The stump of a crackpipe that was fashioned by Dwaine,
Was stuck in his mouth whilst he applied a flame
He had a pocked face and a little round ass,
That puckered, when he laughed like UT’s crevasse
He was flabby and puny, a right jolly old head,
And I laughed when I saw him just as I would Schmed
A wink of his eye and a twist of his tie,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to buy;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And killed all the spammers; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And snorting a line, up the chimney he rose
He sprang to his Volkswagen, to his team gave a yell,
And away they all flew like the Hounds of Hell.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"IF YOU CAN’T TAKE THE SPAM, GET YOUR OWN FUCKING SITE!!"
Click to expand...

The man is a poetic genius.

Can we get a sound track Major? I know you have the talent and the equipment. I implore you to make an audio file and post it.

Lomotil · Dec 4, 2007

One of my personal favorites

Lomotil · Dec 4, 2007

and yet another one...

Joeslogic · Dec 4, 2007

ebaums gets no love here

Nauseous · Dec 4, 2007

Since Grim won't be with us this Christmas...

Silent Grim, Grim is gone
Shall we sigh, shall we yawn?
Left the forum, left our lives
Yet in our hearts Grim survives
Slinging his shit in our eyes
Slinging his shit in our eyes

Silent Grim, Grim is gone!
Searched the house, searched the lawn
Found no trace of his sorry ass
Just vasoline and broken gla-a-ass
Grim, our Jesus has left
Grim, our Jesus has left

Silent Grim, Grim is gone
No more posts in the dawn
We cannot see his witty face
Now that he's floating in cyberspace
Gee-jay, so long, farewell
Gee-jay, so long, farewell

Nursey · Dec 4, 2007

Nauseous said: ↑

Since Grim won't be with us this Christmas...

Silent Grim, Grim is gone
Shall we sigh, shall we yawn?
Left the forum, left our lives
Yet in our hearts Grim survives
Slinging his shit in our eyes
Slinging his shit in our eyes

Silent Grim, Grim is gone!
Searched the house, searched the lawn
Found no trace of his sorry ass
Just vasoline and broken gla-a-ass
Grim, our Jesus has left
Grim, our Jesus has left

Silent Grim, Grim is gone
No more posts in the dawn
We cannot see his witty face
Now that he's floating in cyberspace
Gee-jay, so long, farewell
Gee-jay, so long, farewell
Click to expand...

*hums and sways with small tear in eye*

Nauseous · Dec 4, 2007

I know. I did it so that it would go with each any every syllable of the beloved favorite.

Dwaine Scum · Dec 4, 2007

Families lock their doors in fear that criminals might get them
But this Christmas rest assured that I will have my own protection.

I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
If burgers touch my property they won't leave here with out a limp
Packing heat this Christmas I'll shoot it off on New Year's Eve,
cuz bullets go in outer space when pointed up I believe

A bullet sends a Christmas message that is clear and loud
it says that I will not take all of this bullshit lying down
I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
I'll only tell you once "Stay the fuck away from my shit"

I will use my new weapon in self-defense and sport
and to keep the carolers off my god damn porch
and preventing Yuletide homicide's this year

I won't be a victim this year thanks to Santa Clause
Sleeping with no fear of danger, and it's all because
I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
I'll only tell you once "Stay the fuck away from my shit"

Christmas needs security , security is weapons.
Vigilante action teaching criminals their lessons
It's the greatest gift we have taking out our rivals
Thank you Santa, thank you God
for guaranteeing my survival

A bullet sends a Christmas message that is clear and loud
it says that I will not take all of this bullshit lying down
I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
I'll only tell you once "Stay the fuck away from my shit"

I won't be a victim this year thanks to Santa Clause
Sleeping with no fear of danger, and it's all because
I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
I'll only tell you once "Stay the fuck away from my crap
or I'll bust a cap in your ass!!!"
Click to expand...

fukn BANG

MAJ Havoc · Dec 5, 2007

Ode to Fruitcake

Well I can’t seem to give this thing away
I’ll never get it in my girlfriend’s mouth
And though it’s getting old, it is still free of mold
But soon the whole thing may be going south

She won’t touch it even when it’s wrapped
Maybe she just don’t care for the nuts
And though I tried to talk her into taking just a tad
She’ll never have it slipping out her butt

Oh, my girlfriend just won’t touch my Christmas fruitcake
She won’t take the thing from me I hold so dear
I can’t get her to sample a nibble or a bite
Even though it comes just once a year

Dwaine Scum · Dec 5, 2007

A x-mas duet with Mr Hanky, and Kenny McCormic:

Howdy Ho!
The Virgin Mary was sleeping
When Angel Gabriel appeared.
He said, "you are to be the virgin mother,"
And Mary thought that was weird.
[Mary said, "I'm not a virgin
I blew a guy last year"]
But then, Gabriel said to Mary,
"My child, have no fear:

["'Cause you can suck all the dick you want]
And still be a Virgin, Mary.
[You can suck all the dick you want,]
And still not be considered flawed.
[Though, Mary, you went to town,
and sucked some semen down,]
You're still still a virgin
In the eyes of god!"

There was no room at the Inn
When Mary and Joseph did arrive.
They were so very tired, you see,
[and Mary had to offer him a bribe.]
Said she had no money,
[and they had no place to sleep.]
Gabriel appeared to Mary,
And told her not to weep.

["'Cause you can suck all the dick you want]
And still be a Virgin, Mary.
[you can suck all the dick you want]
And still be the mother of Christ.
If there's no room at the Inn,
then it's not considered a sin
[to suck a dick to get a room for free!"]

That's right..

And three wisemen did appear
Bearing gifts of myrrh and such.
They said that they had followed a star,
And missed a woman's touch.
[Mary thought that she might pleasure them,
But could not take them to bed.]
But, again, Gabriel appeared to her
And this is what he said...

["You can suck all the dick you want,]
And still be a Virgin, Mary.
[You can suck all the dick you want,]
Everyone in the nation.
[Fellatio ain't no sin,
So go and blow those three wise men!]
And you'll still be a virgin,
['Cause there ain't no penetration!"]

[You can suck all the dick you want,]
And still be a Virgin, Mary!
[The donkey, or the ox and the lamb]
And even the little drummer boy.
Folks will remember your name quick!
[They'll say, "Damn, that bitch can suck a dick"!]
['Cause sucking dick]
Brings peace on earth and joy.
['Cause sucking dick]
Brings peace on earth and joy.

[Mary, you can suck my dick!]
[laughter]
Click to expand...

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