Cheezy got me to thinking about this... I think it would be a hoot to hear some horror stories from everyone's sexual pasts - as well as give the kids something to look forward to. Now, the stories/anecdotes need be really bad - not the Methinks kind of 'oooh, he came too quick' mundanities (no offense, M). And the sexual episodes in question must have involved at least oneor more partners (that rules out Sparky) who were known to you however vaguely - no anonymous glory-hole sucks (that rules out Special Kaye & Sane). The meth is wearing off & I'm headed for bed, so I'll drop my own nugget tomorrow. Meanwhile, let's hear 'em...
I think everyone that knew me over at FreakFarm can vouch for me when I simply say: "The Fatty Period"
This is one of my favorites, told to me awhile back by my friend er... Mary. Mary had been dating this guy (let's call him Boudreaux) all through high school in Baton Rouge. Right before she left for college in New Orleans, she had a big birthday bash at her house. At some point in the evening's festivities she went into her room and found her boyfriend with her best friend in Mary's own bed - in some rather compromising positions. She was naturally pretty pissed, to say the least, but the initial shock eventually wore off as she made new friends at college. When she went home for Christmas break, Boudreaux was calling every day to try to talk to her and "set the record straight" but she didn't want to hear it. Finally, the last day before returning to school she agreed to talk to him and drove over to his parents house. As they sat in the living room talking, he started pawing through Mary's purse, which he often had done while they were dating. His hand struck something cold and metal, and upon further inspection, he realized it was a set of handcuffs. Boudreaux was immediately turned on. Mary lamely tried to explain that they had been a gag gift from some friends in New Orleans, but Boudreaux wasn't buying it. He began insisting, "Tie me up. Tie me up, please!" With Mary's every refusal, his begging for abuse increased tenfold. At last, giving into angst and bittersweet revenge, she obliged him. Minutes later, Boudreaux lay stretched out across his bed, anchored to each corner, naked and helpless. He was completely aroused and awaiting Mary's next move. Smirking, he groaned, "What are ya gonna do to me now?" Mary, charming as ever, glanced at her watch and said, "My GOD, would ya look at the time? I've really gotta get going. Nice seeing you again, though. Bye, now." On her way out, Mary felt a small pang of guilt for leaving him so completely alone and incapacitated. So before she left, she did the responsible thing: she called his mom at work and told her that her son was in trouble at home and she needed to come help him right away.
Babe and I had gone for a drive one hot summer evening. We found a deserted beach miles from nowhere, lit a fire, drank a bottle of bourbon, skinny dipped and then had one of the hottest nights in sexual history. (No I'm not telling you pervs the juicy details) We fell into a blissfull drunken sleep right there under the stars. In the morning I woke to a towl being thrown over me and the angry abuse of some old woman rambling about how disgusting we were and should be ashamed of ourselves. I opened my eyes to see the beach full of ppl who had obviously been there for quite some time. I was soooo embarrassed I could have crawled under a rock. Not Babe, he just gets up, still starkers, stretches and yawn and goes "Feel like a swim?"
one time my grandma was giving me head, and my dad walked in on us. He was pissed at first, but then granny blew him too and everything was hunkey dory
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stranger: Not Babe, he just gets up, still starkers, stretches and yawn and goes "Feel like a swim?"<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> you know ... i never had pigs down as early morning swimmers
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PimpDaddy v2.01beta: you know ... i never had pigs down as early morning swimmers<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You read my mind...
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nicodemus: The frog incident???<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I'm at school, so I'll explain later, unless someone else wants to field the question...
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Teased the Reverend: ...I'll explain later.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I for one am waiting. Frogs, fatties... any midgets involved, too, by chance?
first month at university met a bloke lets call him cheesy dick... went to his flat and he spiked my drinks with vodka.... took me to bed and made me give him a blowjob.. his dick STANK and i mean STANK... any way my friends came and rescued me before he poked his cheese stick in me and gave me a babybell... i would have killed it... but thats in the past i now have a fiance who has a nice clean dick
It's not official, but I (Martin) hold the record on the east coast for both age *and* tonnage for having sex with two, 350lb, middle aged women at the same time. I've also had sex with a midget. Suprisingly, I can't really say that either of these experiences was all that bad. I kind of liked them both. Then again, I don't get a whole lot of sex so I can't really hold either one of them up to anythng normal for comparison. Being drunk all the time really sucks.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by The Reverend Lomotil: unless someone else wants to field the question...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> nah i think they should wait to hear it from you... you'll only bitch if something important gets missed out.. and we'll remind you of any choice nuggets you miss out...
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Fugly: I've also had sex with a midget.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> fugly, this midget... was his dick the same size as a fully grown mans.. or was it in proportion to his own stumpy body?
My worst sexual experience was my first. I was 18 and we were backpacking in Denali. It sucked. I went down on him, he smelled like ass, then it was over in 3 min. I was left laying there sore, and pissed. I never slept with him again. I guess I was wrapped up with unrealistic expectations.
