We hopped on a bus and took the tour of the French and Dutch sides of the island. we only got to stop once for pictures so most of them were taken through a scratched bus window. and we weren't allowed to switch seats since we are all just a bunch of stupid murrican tourists and all. i think the most interesting thing i saw there besides the black dude that looked like the evil zombie guy from "The Serpent and the Rainbow" was the 666 sign at the roadside stand on the French side. the zombie guy was trying to get me and JT in his car for a "free" ride to some resort which was also free. free of charge to us because we would be working there as white sex slaves. which reminds me of the chick i was trying to pimp out the other night at the Distillery. everytime me and Frenchie go there another stupid bitch takes her clothes off and dances around on the bar. this time two chicks got naked and made out with each other and pranced around for at least an hour. Jill got down to her thong and was eventually passed around the bar. and Frenchie didnt even look. not even when i left to pee (according to the barkeep) AWWWWWWW! how shweet! at the end of the evening most of the guys there were arguing about who got to take her home. i offered her a ride and she jumped into my Lumina without looking back. she even hugged me after i told her i wanted to pimp her out. she only made $30 that night and i bet ya i could get way more for her. pretty sad that she's the owner's girlfriend. so what was i talking about? oh yeah, creepy people in St.Martin. so we got dropped off for an hour on the French side at some overpriced fleamarket where the natives weren't very friendly and refused to make change for anything we bought, except for the white French lady whom i bought a sterling silver razor blade necklace charm from. she was nice but she said i should clean it with a raw potato. freak. i tried to take a picture of two other natives in their booth but one lady got all freaked out and thought i was from the government. i got her picture anyhow but she was mad. then i got ripped off buying a memory card for my camera but i needed one so fuck it. i got a carton of Camel's for $10 so that was cool. then we ended up on the Dutch side with real shops with a/c. they import all their clothes so nothing was cheap even though it was duty-free. i got a t-shirt anyway. the Nike store had two pairs of women's Nike's. so i gave up shopping. it was raining when they dropped of us (of course) and as soon as i got off the bus another native wanted me to buy something. i told her i just wanted two FRENCH braids in my hair. not cornrows; and she said it was $10 and that her friend could make change for a 20. but fuck no. she made two cornrows, said it was $15, then smeared nasty fucking negro grease in my hair, which promptly melted down my neck from the heat. i thought if i bought a coke for $1 at the shop next door they'd have to make change, but no. she GAVE me the coke and told me to come back later when i had a dollar. so now i am walking around all greasy and smelly, and the braids are so tight my eyes are tearing and JT is getting a huge kick out of the whole thing and the can of coke is slipping off my greasy rat fingers. finally some old whore pulls some bills out of her bra and makes change for me. when we got back to the ship i started taking the braids out and terrorizing JT by shaking my hair at her while she screamed. i washed it 5 times and it was still greasy and smelly. i washed it again with acne face wash and that helped. all the pimples on my scalp went away along with about a pound of my hair. on to Taloula Mango's. where i got the wrong sammich i ordered, no a/c, stinky hair and my waiter disappears. i wanted some stupid ashtray that i was too scared to steal so i ended up buying it for $10 while some reggae band was checking out my hair. it fucking broke in my suitcase. but i got some phone numbers. it rained on the boat ride back to the ship. i hate St.Maaarrrrrten and i am never going back there except to kill that braid lady.
sounds like a great time was had by all points to remember.... 1. bring change 2. avoid all contact with "locals" 3. sort your hair b4 u leave 4. the list goes on.......
christ, i mean Bob, that was only St.Martin, i went to St.Thomas and San Juan as well and i am still trying to sort out my hair issues. aside from the bald spots its much happier in Funky Town, USA. here's me in SJ with a statue of a famous guy. the historial tour didnt teach me much. i dont know his name, i thought it was Pepe.
oh hell yeah. thats how they make their dough- when the cruise ships come in. you'd think they'd be grateful for all the $$ they make off us, but evidentally they're just bitter. if they were a bit more friendly i'd consider going back for a visit, despite the rip-offs. its a beautiful place, too bad its filled with assholes. :?
or maybe he realized his deodorant wasnt working and hes just saying 'FUCK EVERYONE!! SMELL MY B.O.!!!"
