Finally saw a *real* psychaitrist this morning, and accomplished more in half an hour than I did in all four of my previous attempts. I like this guy. He talked fast, got straight down to the point, and didn't waste any of my time (or subsequent visits) to help. He asked questions that were specific to instances I described before I had gone over all of the details. He mentioned something that I had considered (despite some literature I'd previously read to the contrary), that some of my OCD symptoms were actually manifestations of the ADD itself. He asked questions about any drugs that I might have done, and I was completely honest with him. He asked specifically about what I thought of my methamphetamine use, and I told him, quite frankly, that I liked it. I explained that it gave me the focus that I needed to perform whatever task it was that I'd set out to do. I also told him how I always used it as a 'tool' - rather than a recreational drug. I would only acquire it when I had a specific task at hand, be it house-cleaning or studying for a test, and that when the event was over with, there was never any 'craving' for the drug. I also added that I didn't like the risk involved with dealing with illicit drugs, most notably the fact that you don't really know 'what' exactly is in what you buy off the street, second only to the legal aspects of it. So, I ended up getting a 30 day prescription for Adderall XR 15 mg. He wants to see me again in another month to discuss how the drug is affecting me, if and when the effects start to 'drop off' during the day, and if any of my OCD habits disappear as a result of treating the ADD. Now, honestly, I've had Adderall before (don't know what strength, or whether it was XR or not), but it was given to me by a classmate years ago. I only used it on a day that I was studying for a test, and I seem to remember it working well for that. However, regarding today's first dose of my own prescription, on a day when I didn't have a test to study for, I wasn't expecting it to have the impact that it did. I knew I'd feel more energetic than normal, but I had no idea just how well the drug was going to treat my condition. I feel as if I've rediscovered myself, or rather, reaquainted myself with "the old Lomo" - I haven't felt this well in probably a decade or more. My ambition, drive, follow-through, and attention have all found their way back to me. I feel as if I've unlocked the door to my true potential. Hell, during a regular lecture that I had today, I was able to focus completely on the topic at hand, take the best notes I've taken in years, and remain completely on top of the information presented to me. Not a single random thought popped into my mind, not a bit of daydreaming, or any other distraction like I normally get. (Except the Jewish chick sticking her hand up my shirt sleeve) It will be interesting to see what happens in this month...
Oh, I've found 'magic,' all right... Question, though: How long does the average treatment with amphetamine last? I hate to think that I would be dependent on meds for the rest of my life, but I see just how many of my problems it corrects, and can't help but wonder where in life I would be right now if I had discovered my problem so much earlier. In a way, I feel almost as if it's unnatural that my mind is working as well as it does while I'm on it. I'm sure that anyone that's tried it would probably say the same thing. But to someone that has a chemical imbalance, and possibly never experienced 'normal' - wouldn't the feeling of what others consider 'normal' be an unnatural feeling? I feel, and this is very Jung-esque, that when I look back at the last decade, I realize the importance of time, just how limited it is, and how I've let a whole decade (possibly more) slip past me without even knowing it. When I look back at it, I don't necessarily have regrets, as I've had some amazing real-world experiences that definitely would not have occurred if I'd had gone a different route, but at the same time, I wonder how much different (and possibly better) things could have been, had I been on meds 'back in the day.'
Follow the advice I gave you earlier Lomo and use this productive time to build some new positive habits, start incorporating regular exercise, take at least a 30 day hiatus from all other drugs including alcohol, improve your diet, set and write down your goals, from daily right through to the end of the year and beyond. You will find that once the medication in withdrawn, that you won't notice much difference if you build the right positive enforcements, change is a powerful tool, and you're are definitely on the right track to incorporating consistent, long term positive changes in your life. I wish you well, I will PM you my number if you ever feel the need to chat. Cheers! Checkers!
Hey all! Sorry I haven't been in lately, I've been busier than a one-legged-man at an ass-kicking contest. OK - so, in the time I've been gone, here's a brief synopsis: Told my G/F of 2+ years (some of y'all may remember her as the fiancee...), that I needed some time away from her (we'd already broken up, but still remained friends, and saw each other just as often as when we were dating)... Did some cleaning at the house Studied my ass off for the second half of the semester Requested 4 days off before finals Brought this home on the first day off: pulled an all-nighter when I realized that it was midnight, the day before finals, and I hadn't studied yet... Aced both finals, and after 38 hours of wakefulness, came home and played the new game some more. Oh, and in between all of that shit, in regards to my problem with clutter at the house, I managed to transform this: into this: I'd say the medicine is doing pretty fucking good. Wait until y'all see pics from the new project... Soon to be posted in the GM forum. (And I guarantee y'all, this won't take me as long to post as the legendary (albeit unverified) Tornado Pics!)
Sam that has got to be the first sig that actually made me laugh out loud. It was worth all of the 15 min. How bout we pop some pizza at my crib.
