No, not the character from the new Austin Powers movie (I haven't even seen it yet). We all know urinating is #1 and defecating is #2...and normal elimination of bodily waste stops there. But there is more and everyone at some point goes #3. The polite thing is to announce to anyone who may be affected the impending #3 (think anyone within the building who may be hit by noxious fumes, anyone who may need to do a quick #1 before you set up camp for #3, or anyone who loves you enough to miss you during your #3 excursion). Our bathroom is well equipped for entertainment during #2 (video poker, Maxim magazine, and one of the cats will usually hang around so you can talk to them). There is no need for entertainment during #3. Its like trying balance your check book while having sex. All oxygen is busy in other parts of your body so thought is impossible. For Poor-Lookers #3 is not your normal log. It can take several forms, sometimes a mixture of forms. The main ones include the cocoanut (which physically should not have fit through your sphincters), the cow pile (which sinks to the bottom and sticks to the bowl like concrete), and sludge (usually noted by strange color ---yellow, green, or blue-black--- it is like a shit milk shake filling the bowl). During #3 it may feel like like your intestines turn inside out and protrude from you anus (ok, this may actually happen but I am not going to check). The cramps rival child birth. Your eyes are sore afterwards from protruding from your head. Your ears may pop. For safeties sake get naked so you are not constrained by any clothing. The aftermath of #3: Do not open the window (the neighbors may complain) and spray liberal amounts of air freshner (this will not cover up the smell but inhaling enough of it will make people too light headed to remember the stench). Wipe twice and flush three times (you may need to flush more, but you have technically have fulfilled your flushing duties). Check the underside of the seat for shit splatters. Wash your hands to the elbows. Now go rehydrate yourself and recline comfortably while your organs resettle themselves. The after #3 nap is recommended medically.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by GreenAppleSplatters: That is the most horrible thing I have ever read.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> wow, thanks, sniff sniff
she's unemployed, never sleeps, and apparently spends her time deeply contemplating the alimentary conclusions of all her fat-girl pigouts yep - that's *exactly* how i pictured Scummy!
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by misanthropic: yep - that's *exactly* how i pictured Scummy!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> funny, because my impression of you is that you were a female...maybe its just your really low testosterone levels, Ms. Anthropic.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Goddamn Scummy: funny, because my impression of you is that you were a female...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> that's because you're just not the sharpest tack in the box - don't blame it on me
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by misanthropic: that's because you're just not the sharpest tack in the box - don't blame it on me<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I am not going to let you ruin the beauty of the #3 thread with negativity...Jesus loves you, Misanthropic, and you will have a place in Heaven, so therefor I must not hate you. [ August 24, 2002: Message edited by: Goddess Yummy ]
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ~pimpchichi~: it's ok.. we have enough hate to cover for your selectivethreadhating pussiness<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I'm sorry...I have an American dictionary...what is pussiness?
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Goddess Yummy: I'm sorry...I have an American dictionary...what is pussiness?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> lol.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nursey: lol. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hey, it could have been pusHiness mispelled or he could have made up a word except did he mean PUS-iness or PUSSY-ness, who the fuck knows with Brits, their slang is off the wall sometimes. especially since "selectivethreadhating pussiness" makes no sense since I have not been selectively hating, there was a Tif that got tedious that I stepped out of, I still plan on commenting on anything whenever I feel the urge...I haven't "hated" on anyone who didn't say something about me first or acted incredibly stupid. BTW what the hell does ... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote ...mean?
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Goddess Yummy: BTW what the hell does ... 'lol '...mean?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I think you understood perfectly well judging by your reply! [ August 24, 2002: Message edited by: Nursey ]
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nursey: I think you understood perfectly well judging by your reply! [ August 24, 2002: Message edited by: Nursey ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I thought you were trying to say I should understand what he meant, but Pussiness still isn't a word
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Goddess Yummy: Pussiness still isn't a word<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> it is now.. isn't it wonderful how language can grow and evolve..
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ~pimpchichi~: it is now.. isn't it wonderful how language can grow and evolve.. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I will pencil it into my dictionary if you can tell me what you thought you were thinking
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ~pimpchichi~: nah.. i'll tell you when they update the oxford english<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ya Limey Bastard...I am glad my great great great great grandfathers decided being indentured servants was better than living on that foggy island with you smartass Brits.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Goddess Yummy: Ya Limey Bastard...I am glad my great great great great grandfathers decided being indentured servants was better than living on that foggy island with you smartass Brits. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Me too!
