SAVE YOUR DICK!

Discussion in 'Jokes, Funny Stories and other Text.' started by kitana, Mar 27, 2002.

  1. kitana

    kitana New Member

    Messages:
    5,555
    ATTENTION MEN!!!!

    WOMEN CHOPS OFF SLEEPING HUSBAND'S PENIS, DROPS IT FROM MOVING CAR!"

    DON'T LAUGH, ITS TRUE!

    IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!!

    Right now, thousands of agitated, irate women have read this headline and are contemplating similar action against you the next time you make an unwanted sexual advance, look at them the wrong way, or just generally piss them off!

    MEN, PROTECT YOURSELF NOW!

    If you found yourself a victim of CDS (Chop and Drop Syndrome), could you be sure the appropriate authorities would find your chopped member in time, and intact!

    Could you be sure the penis part they found was
    even yours?

    INQUIRE NOW ABOUT OUR LOW COST PENIS PROTECTION PLAN!

    Plan A -
    The "Basic Package"
    We will register your penis and scrotum and tattoo them with their own unique registration numbers, insuring that in case of separation, you will get a perfect match EVERY TIME!

    Plan B -
    The "Jurassic Prick" program.
    We will take a cell sample from your penis and clone replacement parts for you in the event a tractor-trailer rig runs over your penis, or some wild animal mistakes your detached member for a chew toy!

    Plan C -
    "Balls of Steel"
    For those of you who believe in prevention, we offer a one-size-fits-all
    battery operated stainless steel jock strap that can be worn when necessary.

    When you are asleep, an alarm will be activated when metal or other
    hazardous objects come within one foot of the jock strap.

    This will guarantee you a full night's sleep, free of worry!

    DON'T GET CAUGHT SHORT...... ORDER TODAY!

    CALL 1-800-SAV-A-DIK
     
  2. Matthew

    Matthew New Member

    Messages:
    722
    ok, i can take and sometimes dish out sick jokes...... although there is nothing funny at all about loosing your penis!! unless it was filmed on jerry springer, then it would be mildly funny.
     
  3. kitana

    kitana New Member

    Messages:
    5,555
    let me cut off your penis, i know i will laugh
     
  4. Lomotil

    Lomotil Active Member

    Messages:
    10,267
    Klitana looooooooves the cock.
     
  5. Matthew

    Matthew New Member

    Messages:
    722
    Wow that really cool how you get the little final fantasy wizard to do the "throw the bitches off my nuts" dance!
     
  6. Lomotil

    Lomotil Active Member

    Messages:
    10,267
    Same way I got Megaman to do it...



    And the same way I got the black mage to breakdance...
     
  7. Lomotil

    Lomotil Active Member

    Messages:
    10,267
    Damn, too much moving shit... stand by for sig change...
     
  8. kitana

    kitana New Member

    Messages:
    5,555
    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by The Reverend Honkey Kong:
    Klitana looooooooves the cock.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

     
  9. Cheezedawg

    Cheezedawg Guest

    She loves mine anyways.
     
  10. Keltika_hates_you

    Keltika_hates_you New Member

    Messages:
    17
    Speaking of Springer and loss of penis, did anyone see an epiode that aired a couple of years ago entitled "I did my own sex change"? The main guest was a guy in his 50s, with a wife and kids, who decided he MUST have a sex change. Doctors would not approve it because he was too old and diabetic, so he took matters into his own hands. He snapped a tight rubber band around the base of his weenie, took a shitload of painkillers, and waited 24 hours. He then went to the shower and sawed it off. He said something like, "You ladies thinking of cutting off your man's prick, it's not as easy as it seems. It's not just one swift flick of a knife, it's a tough piece of grisle. I had to saw through it 8 or 9 times before it came off." The cameras panned to the audience, where every single man was rolling aroung, grabbing their crotches, and moaning in disgust. Even as a female, I couldn't help but feel a sympathetic stab of pain to the groin. Yikes. Crude penis removal. Just... yikes.
     
  11. Lomotil

    Lomotil Active Member

    Messages:
    10,267
    Now that's fucked up.
     
  12. Matthew

    Matthew New Member

    Messages:
    722
    I know while reading that i squirmed and grabbed my guy. <whispers its ok boy>
     
  13. kitana

    kitana New Member

    Messages:
    5,555
    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Keltika_hates_you:
    ... he took matters into his own hands. He snapped a tight rubber band around the base of his weenie, took a shitload of painkillers, and waited 24 hours. He then went to the shower and sawed it off. He said something like, "You ladies thinking of cutting off your man's prick, it's not as easy as it seems. It's not just one swift flick of a knife, it's a tough piece of grisle. I had to saw through it 8 or 9 times before it came off." The cameras panned to the audience, where every single man was rolling aroung, grabbing their crotches, and moaning in disgust. Even as a female, I couldn't help but feel a sympathetic stab of pain to the groin. Yikes. Crude penis removal. Just... yikes.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    i want to see that.

    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Matthew:
    I know while reading that i squirmed and grabbed my guy. <whispers its ok boy><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    watch who you sleep next to
     

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