A little boy sat on a curb with a bottle of turpentine, shaking it up and watching the bubbles. Along comes a priest who pauses to watch the boy. After a bit the priest asks the little boy what he was up to. The boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the world - it's called turpentine." The priest smiled gently, "No, no, my son - the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water." The priest produced a small vial and showed the boy. "If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby." The little boy looked at the priest funny and replied, "Shoot, that ain't nothin', father! You take some of this here turpentine & rub it on a cat's ass - he'll pass a motorcycle!"
A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally said, if you fart any more, you'll fart your guts out. Being a butcher, the wife decided to put pig scraps in his pants so he would wake up, and not do it anymore. She put the scraps in his pants that night. He woke up in the morning and went across the hall to the bathroom. Two long hours later, he came out and stated, honey, you were right about me farting my guts out BUT WITH THE GRACE OF THE DEAR LORD AND THESE TWO FINGERS. I GOT THEM BACK IN THERE.
Both o fthe above jokes were blatently stolen from other websites. Hear about the laughing rabbit? Had a hare in its hole. Lol etc
Both of the above jokes were blatently stolen from other websites. Hear about the laughing rabbit? Had a hare in its hole. Lol etc
A little off topic... The newlyweds had gone to bed (for the first time of course) and as soon as the husband fell assleep he began snooring so loud the walls were shakin. The poor wife tried everything, rolling him over, the peg on the nose, swift jab in the ribs, but nothing seemed to work. Exasperated and at her wits end she asked her motherinlaw what to do."Awww he's just like his father" she said, "Do what I do. Wait till he goes to sleep then tie a blue ribbon round his oldfeller, that'll do the trick luvvie." She thinks this might just be an old wives tale but is desperate for a good nights sleep and tries it anyway. Sure enough it worked! In the morning hubby gets up and goes for the morning pee. Seconds later he comes rushing out. "Jesus
