I used to teach English in Korea. I started that back in 1997 and worked for a company out of Taejon. Taejon is a city of about two million people a few hours south of Seoul. Anyway, to get a job teaching English over there, you pretty much just need a degree–in anything. Basketweaving. Karate. Underwater sports. If you have a paper that says you have a B.A., then you’re set. How does it pay. A guy can make about two thousand dollars a month tax-free. You also get a free place to live and what not. Anyway, as you can imagine, South Korea attracts a lot of people who can’t find work in the States or Canada with their worthless degrees. So you get a lot of dudes over there with degrees in anthropology or fine arts, etc. I was the only real teacher in my company. In other words, I actually have a degree in English education. However, I’m getting sidetracked. My stupid fucking memory is about a Korea guy named Blue who worked for the company. His real name isn’t Blue. He just wanted everyone to call him that. See, South Koreans are big on learning English. So they make up English names for us Yankee noms to call them. What is a Yankee nom? Roughly translated, it means American son-of-a-bitch. The real word for son-of-a-bitch in Korean is Kay-sek-ee-da. Don’t ever say that to a Korean. You’ll have a fight on your hands. But Yankee nom is almost as bad. Anyway, I have a strong suspicion that Blue was a homosexual. When I knew him, he was almost thirty without a wife or children. That’s a big no go over there. Hell, most homosexuals in Korea have a wife and children by that age. Koreans are more Confucian than Chinese, and family means everything. I’m not here to criticize Blue’s homosexuality. I’m a live and let live kind of guy. And Blue wasn’t one of those swishing homosexuals. He was more like an Alexander the Great homosexual. The guy had a fucking temper you wouldn’t believe. And he was like a little ball of Asian fucking muscle. When he blew his lid–which happened on occasion–it was really fucking scary. For instance, we had a guy who worked as a teacher named Paul. That’s not his real name. I like to protect people’s privacy. Paul had a B.A. in some kind of photography bullshit and couldn’t find a job in the states. Like Blue, Paul was a homosexual. He wasn’t an Alexander the Great homosexual. He was a sad, pathetic, skinny, albino homosexual. Now, before I continue, you have to understand something. Korea is different. They are all for the company. They believe in all that teamwork bullshit. One of the things it stated in our contract was that we were due a bonus after our year was up. Gay Paul decided that he’d had enough and wanted to leave Korea. So Blue asked him politely if he could screw Gay Paul on the bonus and give the bonuses to people who were signing on for another year. When I say asked…Well, there was really no asking involved. The gay albino named Paul was not getting his fucking bonus, and that was that. What could he do? Not a fucking thing. And we’re talking about two thousand dollars–which isn’t exactly chump change. The gay albino named Paul decided to have his revenge. He ran up thousands of dollars of long distance calls on the company dime. He thought he’d be gone by the time the bill came in. He was wrong. Blue confronted him and asked the gay albino named Paul to pony up with the cash. Paul told Blue to go fuck himself. That’s when Blue blew his lid. He chased Paul down a corridor. Luckily Paul managed to get into one of the offices and lock the door. However, the doors were only made of wood, and Blue–the Alexander the Great style of homosexual–was beating against this particular office door with all his might. At this point, I’d like to say I took action. But I didn’t. I just watched in amazement. He finally stopped beating on the door and gave it a final kick. Then he walked away. And do you know what he did after? He bought the alibino known as gay Paul a going away present. Try to figure out the Asian mind!
