JOKES???

would someone post a fucking joke. I think everyone is afraid to post one because everytime someone posts a joke... some one says HEARD IT

who cares if someones heard it, not everyone has.


A man wakes to a beautiful, sunny day.
“Honey,” he says, shaking his wife, “wake up. We’re going fishing.”
“I don’t know, I hate fishing” ...she mumbles.
“I’m going out to get the dog and load up the truck,” he says. Well you decide: Come fishing, give me a blow job, or take it up the ass.”
She rolls her eyes and goes back to sleep,
But when he comes back she starts to unzip him.
“I see you’ve made your decision,” he says, pulling his dick out..
“What’s that smell?” she asks, wincing.
“Oh, yeah,” he says, “the dog didn’t wanna go, either.”

 

ok i'll post a joke... see if u herd this one before


A man wakes to a beautiful, sunny day.
“Honey,” he says, shaking his wife, “wake up. We’re going fishing.”
“I don’t know, I hate fishing” ...she mumbles.
“I’m going out to get the dog and load up the truck,” he says. Well you decide: Come fishing, give me a blow job, or take it up the ass.”
She rolls her eyes and goes back to sleep,
But when he comes back she starts to unzip him.
“I see you’ve made your decision,” he says, pulling his dick out..
“What’s that smell?” she asks, wincing.
“Oh, yeah,” he says, “the dog didn’t wanna go, either.”

 

smart ass , did you know there are posts in the MEMBERS area about you. hahaha

check them out

 

oO

I wonder....

Share them with me will yah

 

Q: What's the difference between a Canadian and a canoe?
A: A canoe will tip.


An American, a Turk and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Turk and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."

He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Turk was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."


What do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common?
The taste.

 

Credit this one to Drew Carey:

A guy meets a girl in a bar and they get to talking. It turns out they both recently finished relationships. She asks him what ended it. "I was too kinky for her," he said. "Well, my boyfriend said I was too kinky for him!" she replied excitedly. The conversation takes a decidedly postive upswing and the lady soon asks the gentleman back to her apartment "to have some fun."

Once back in the apartment, the lady asks the man to get ready as she's going to "slip into something more comfortable." Ten minutes later, she comes back into the living room wearing thigh high stiletto boots, a black leather corset, and carrying a bullwhip. She has a tray that has clothespins, hat pins, sewing pins, rolling pins, bowling pins, you name it. She has a big smile on her face...only to see the man putting on his coat and just about to head out the door.

"Hey, where are you going," she asked, "I thought we were going to have some fun?"

The man turned to her before leaving, "I just fucked your cat and shit in your purse. I'm outta here."

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Ambitious Procrastinator:

What do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common?
The taste.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You taste urine samples? wutr u a fag?

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by devdev:
You taste urine samples? wutr u a fag?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Only when my job requires it. But you couldn't pay me enough to drink that swill you coneheaded motherfuckers try to pass off as beer.

 

And might I add... that I mean no disrespect to you or your fellow countrymen. Canada is a wonderful country with vast landscapes and interesting people...

...FOR ME TO POOP ON!

 

Fuck u trimph dog, you fucken son of a nigger. you can poop in your mom's mouth for all i fucken care.

 

yea really, the poop thing you have going is pretty lame.

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by devdev:
You taste urine samples? wutr u a fag?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Why, you lookin' for a hot steamy date, sailor?

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by devdev:
Fuck u trimph dog, you fucken son of a nigger. you can poop in your mom's mouth for all i fucken care.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Actually, I'm 3/4 Yugoslavian Mountain Hound (that's what my mother told me anyway, but she got around, that crazed bitch). I don't recall ever pooping directly into her mouth, but I certainly wouldn't rule out the possibility of fecal ingestion, incidentally, or intentionally.

I mean come on... we all eat poop sometimes, right???

The Scoop on Poop

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>

Why do dogs (and other animals) eat poop?

Many animals eat poop on a regular basis. These include rabbits, rodents, gorillas, many insects such as dung beetles and flies, and yes, dogs. (Keep that in mind the next time a dog wants to lick you!) Herbivores such as rabbits and rodents eat their own poop because their diet of plants is hard to digest efficiently, and they have to make two passes at it to get everything out of the meal. This is equivalent to a cow chewing its cud, only cows are able to re-eat their food without having to poop it out first. Another reason why animals eat poop is that poop contains vitamins produced by their intestinal bacteria. The animal is unable to absorb the vitamins through the intestinal wall, but can get at them by eating the poop. Another reason that animals such as dogs and flies eat poop is that poop contains a certain amount of protein. Dogs are particularly fond of cat poop because cat poop is high in protein. I had a friend with a dog and a cat, and he never had to clean the kitty litter. The dog took care of it.

Are there people who eat poop?

Yes, we all have, at one point or another. One of the main ways that diseases and parasites spread is through the consumption of food and water contaminated with feces. This happens because people don't wash their hands carefully after pooping or changing a diaper or scratching their butt. It can also happen through careless disposal of diapers. Our microbiologist here on Guam says that one dirty diaper in Tumon Bay can send the bacteria count through the ceiling.

But of course, what you want to know is, are there people who eat poop on purpose? Again, the answer is yes. In rare instances, people with severe developmental and psychological disorders practice pica, the consumption of non-food items, including coprophagy, the ingestion of feces. The behavior may also be observed among very young toddlers. Coprophagy is also listed as an unusual sexual practice in the encyclopedia of that name. Some people who practice sexual coprophagy say that only a lover's poop is good to eat; all other poop (including their own) makes them gag.

I have personally known only one person who ate poop on purpose, and she only did it once, when she was about four years old. She says she was curious about what it tasted like. When asked what poop does taste like, she replies, "About like you'd expect."
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NameYouWant:
yea really, the poop thing you have going is pretty lame.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

 

you disgust me triumph. you have 1 gig on conan and you've gone completely crazy over this shit. i think you need a quick check in to the mental hospital, because you are not a dog, you are a spic bastard. i've seen how hairy your arm is, don't deny your spicness

 

After having their 11th child, a Scouse couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix
the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home,get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his
ear and count to 10. The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can
next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on hi other hand. This procedure also works in Manchester, Birmingham, Newcastle and anywhere in Wales.

 

and that joke can be used for all of england, coz england sucks !

HA HA HA HA HA FUCK ENGLAND


I liked that "for me to poop on" thing


England is good..... for me to poop on !

HA Ha

 

these jokes are good...

...FOR ME TO POOP ON!

 

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by devdev:
oO

I wonder....

Share them with me will yah<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

av u got any more jokes

 

what the hell are you asking DevDev for ? you'd get a better joke out of a chronicly retarded southern malaysian jungle dwelling insurance salesman on speed who has aids and herpes all over his ass...