REUTERS---NEW YORK: The real hijackers of the planes that caused the tragedy at the World Trade Center and the Pentagon here in the United States were not members of the Taliban or of Osama Bin Laden's terrorist army. No, they were something much worse: they were RETARDS! That's right! Retards, or "mentally challenged" folk, were aboard the four fateful planes and proceeded to crash the planes into the World Trade Center's Twin Towers, the Pentagon, and the Pennsylvania countryside. The retards, Bill Molley, Roland Sherrah, Warren McIntire, Melvin Schloss, Richard Phelps, and Michael Haroldson, were the retards in question.Bill Molley and Roland Sherrah were on the first plane to hit the WTC. During the flight they made their way to the cockpit where they then attacked the pilots after one of them accidentally made a remark about something being slow as the two retards entered (the pilot was actually talking about his car but the retards misunderstood and thought he meant them.) It is believed--from the recovered black box--that the retards only slapped the pilots, who managed to switch to auto-pilot and then fled the cockpit to get help. Left to themselves, Bob and Roland began playing around with the controls and unknowingly turned the plane around whereupon it flew to New York. The pilots returned with a pair of cattleprods and proceeded to use them on the retards. The jolts from the cattleprods and the yelling from the pilots confused the retards so much that they went into what is known as a "tard tantrum." This is what is believed to be the reason why the retards steered the plane directly into the first of the Twin Towers.On the other planes the story is the same: the retards invade the cockpit, pilots flee, retards play around with the cotrols, pilots return, retards go into a tard tantrum, plane crashes killing everyone aboard (including the retards) and hundreds of other innocent ystanders. On United Airlines flight 93, Warren McIntire caused the crash; on the American Airlines flight that crashed into the Pentagon, killing 800 Pentagon workers, Richards Phelps and Michael Haroldson were responsible; and the other WTC crash was caused by Melvin Schloss. Schloss, Molley, and Sherrah together were responsible for the deaths of at least 600 people, perhaps even more than one thousand people. One concern is that this tragedy will stir up a lot of hate towards those responsible, which is why many residents of New York and Americans in other parts of the country have begun committing violent acts against the country's minority of retards. In New York alone there have already been 15 reported beatings of retards. In Newark, a group of people who have lost family members in the crash of UA flight 93 have firebombed the halfway house where Warren McIntire lived. Faced with this new danger, owners of halfway houses and caretakers of retards (also known as "keepers") have thrown their residents out onto the streets to fend for themselves or sent them back to their families. "Finally I can fulfill my dream of opening up a whorehouse!" says Mike Taylor who used to run the Springfield Halfway House in Massachusetts. Law Enforcement officials have chosen not to arrest retard-beaters on the grounds that "this could dramatically reduce the number of retards in our country, and besides, now taxdollars can be used for better things, such as hunting down the rest of the retards so we can keep them locked up in cages for circuses, which is how it should be." explains Attorney General John Ashcroft.For the families and friends of the victims and the rest of us who mourn the deaths of those who died, this comes as a relief for now this horrible act of murder can be brought to justice.
I swear, if my wife *gasp* gave birth to a retard, I swear, I'd kill it. It'd be the humane thing to do... If I were faced with the choice between the life of a retard and dying, I think I'd choose the latter... although, I do contradict myself when I take hallucinogenic drugs to simulate the symptoms of mental handicaps... Honestly, people... the only logical course of action is to kill it... I mean, who wants to change thier entire life because of a faulty gene or two? Think about it. You'd be bludgeoned to shit by doctor bills, you'd have to make speschul arrangements every time you went out in public, the constant ridicule of others, and there'd always be that chance that 'it' would reach puberty and go nuts, humping the leg of every passer-by... Worst case scenario: You'd be supporting not one, but two (maybe even more) retards, when junior knocks up some dumb bitch and still works at McDonald's... It's just not worth it...
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Fretted The Rev: ...I do contradict myself when I take hallucinogenic drugs to simulate the symptoms of mental handicaps... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Not to worry, Lomo - to paraphrase, umm...some famous guy whose name I will remember milliseconds after I click Reply (you Bartlett's owners, jump in), a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds who fail to score the drugs necessary to expand them Yee-ha, another wise supporter of eugenics. Methinks the time is right to relaunch that movement
Exactly. This is why I opt to use the 'coathanger RU486' method once a month just to be on the safe side.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nauseous: Exactly. This is why I opt to use the 'coathanger RU486' method once a month just to be on the safe side.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> So THAT'S where all the blood came from! I thought you had given me your 'gift'... And here I was, thinking I was speschul...
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MC Emetic G-Dawg Mutha: a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds who fail to score the drugs necessary to expand them<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> "Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs" <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote It's the only way. Add a little bit of chlorine to the gene pool, and prevent 'repeat offenders' from pissing in it.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by YoMamazAGreasyMoFo: Yup, they were part of the "Al-Quromosome" organization...(followed by the bad joke drum beat)..<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Bah-dum-CHEE!
So, I see our little secret has finally been exposed. I, and my many colleagues the world over, have secretly been working for SHIIT (School of Hideous Intellectually Impaired Terrorists). Training begins at a very early age, as it is a slow and laborious process. Pilot training is the most difficult of the subjects taught here at SHIIT. Many of our students’ lives are lost during flight practice when they forget that they need an aeroplane. Hence we have had to resort to hijacking in the methods described earlier. The skill of our marksmen is second to none, with the added stability of the chair and the level of hyper-focus only achievable by those with the most extremes of the Autistic Spectrum disorders. Weaponry is easily smuggled past security within the confines of the chair. And little do they suspect that behind those vacant eyes lies two brain cells desperately clinging to the vague memory of a plot ingrained from infancy. A plan of lethal, unthinking, unstoppable destruction. And lets face it, who would want to search them anyway. My speciality at the centre is my work with the epileptics. Razor blades are sewn into a fluoro tracksuit, which the young terrorist wears to a rave (strangely enough nobody thinks this is odd and the retard goes in unchallenged). Many victims are eliminated early in the night when their E kicks in and they can’t resist giving our little retard a hug. The real fun begins however when they switch on the strobe lights and Terror goes into one of his fits. Ahhh the pretty colours fly. I love my work. But alas, you know too much and now you all must die.
