I don't give a fuck if you don't like this...

Two cows in a field. One says to the other,
"What do you make of this mad cow disease?"
The other one says, "Doesn't affect me mate."
"Oh, yeah? Why's that?"
"I'm a helicopter."

 

Jimmy ran home from school, as he could not wait to break his good news. "Mum, Mum!" he yelled. "I had sex with my geography teacher today!" "Dad, Dad!" he exclaimed. Guess what, I had sex with my geography teacher."
"I'm proud of you son," the father replied, to the mother's disbelief. "I think now you're old enough to ride your brother's bike." Jimmy's face dropped in disappointment. "I can't. My arse hurts!"