HOSPITALS ARE FUN I guess I was still a baby when I first started eating shit. Hell, there wasn't much else to do in my crib. I'd just reach down my diaper and go to town on my stinky brown. I never cried when I shit my diaper, at least not until I'd had my fill. My mom would always make a big fuss when she caught me, but I guess I liked the attention. By the time I was 5, I was getting kinda bored with my own shit- been there, done that. My parents ALWAYS flushed after they pinched a loaf, so I never really had an opportunity to sample someone else's crap. I'd tried the dog's, but it just wasn't the same. Then I started school... Young children have extremely poor bathroom habits, and that fact would provide me with an endless variety of delicious dumps upon which to feast. I waited until after lunch, and asked if I could go to the bathroom. There was no one else there, so I started looking in the toilets. Sure enough, someone hadn't bothered to flush. They didn't even bother to wipe. It was just a bowl of water, piss, and the most beautiful turd I'd ever seen. I knelt down beside the bowl and just admired my find. I slowly reached in and picked it up. Holding it under my nose, I inhaled deeply. It's exquisite aroma sent a chill down my spine. The turd was wet with piss-water and gleamed in the florescent light of the bathroom. I stuck out my tounge and licked it from one tapered end to the other. It was 1000 times better than any of my own shits, and I gobbled it up in three huge bites. When I got back to class, the teacher accused me of eating a candy bar while I was in the bathroom. I quickly wiped my mouth on my sleeve and was glad she wasn't close enough to smell my breath! I'd go through phases where I'd eat shit every single day, and other times weeks would pass between my snacks. In my late teens, my interest in eating dumps began to wane. It just wasn't doing it for me anymore. I needed something extra, some added infamy, to put the spice back in the act. I found what I was looking for and so much more at the city hospital. My parents had dragged me there to visit some sick relative, I don't even remember which one. I was pissed because I had about a million other things I could have been doing, and here I am wasting my time visiting some asshole who never even sent me money for my birthday! Still, I hadn't been in a hospital since the day I was born, (I never got sick from eating all that shit, never!) and I was kinda interested to see what one looked like.. So I'm standing there while my parents are talking to this wasted, old piece of garbage, and out of nowhere he let's loose with this gigantic blast of diarrhea. This was completely unexpected and it was all I could do to stop myself from licking it up right then and there. My parents suggested that I go down to the cafeteria for a while and they'd help clean the old geezer up. That seemed like a good idea to me because I was starving at this point. On my way down to the cafeteria, I passed a room that had low moans coming from it. Already a full blooded sadist, I wasn't going to miss an opportunity to see someone suffering. I slipped into the room and closed the door behind me. There was this really old woman in the bed. She was frail and pale and had some kind of oozing sores on her body. She was in a delirious state, though by her moans I could tell she wasn't having any fun. I just stood over her for a while, soaking in her misery. Then the smell hit me. I looked by the side of the bed and saw a VERY FULL bed-pan. The thing was filled with the most rancid turds I'd ever seen. Brown/black with green streaks, this was literally some very sick shit. Best of all, there was blood and pus thrown into the mix. That, along with the site of the suffering shitter, threw me into such a frenzy that I quaffed the entire coprophagic concoction without once pausing for air. That's when I first learned just how fun hospitals could be. If you're into blood and guts, like to eat shit, or just get off on human misery, the hospital is a great place to party. Aside from an endless supply of full bed-pans, there's so much more for the sick bastard to enjoy. My favorite place in a hospital is the emergency room. Big city hospitals are the best, because they get the most violent injuries. Car wrecks are my favorite, followed closely by gunshot wounds. It's gonna suck when they outlaw guns (and they will) because then I won't get to see nearly as many dead homies as I do now. The best scene I ever saw was a drunk driver who T-boned a mini van with a family of 4 in it. They all arrive in the ER at the same time. Two of the kids, a girl of 9 and a boy about 11, are all bloody and crying and calling for their mom. What they didn't yet know is that she flat-lined on the way to the hospital and wasn't expected to make it. The father's legs were completely crushed in the accident and later had to be amputated. Here's the best part: The drunk only had a minor gash on his forehead that only needed 5 stitches! He was being treated right next to the father and when they were finished, he stood up and puked on the father's mangled legs! I laughed so hard I almost shit myself. I wish I would've because then I'd have had something to eat while watching the show. I later read in the paper that the mother had been pregnant too. That was the icing on the cake. It's also fun to hang around outside the room where the doctors tell the family that their loved one has died. I'm real lucky because the hospital I hang out at has a closet right next to the room. It was easy enough to steal a set of keys to the place, and I even drilled a small hole in the wall. Now I can see and hear everything that goes on in the room. It's like watching the Misery Channel. Even full grown men cry in that room. There's something so pathetic about seeing a man cry that just makes the misery that much sweeter. Parents being told of their child's death seem to elicit the most intense reactions, so of course, I always hope it's about dead kids. Another great place to go for parental misery is the children's ward. I love watching them try and act brave for the sake of the child, only to break down in tears as soon as they get out in the hall. Plus, those bald cancer kids just crack me up. They're so goofy looking. It's fun to pull out their I.V. line when no one is looking. It's also fun to see the kids getting a shot. Boy, do they make a fuss! If you've got a cold or the flu, it's fun to go to the A.I.D.S. ward and cough all over the people there. Most of them are too weak to get up anyway, so it's not like they can kick your ass or something. Smoke a joint in front of them, then tell them how hungry it made you. Tell jokes about homosexuals. Tell them you found the cure for A.I.D.S. on the internet, but can't remember the site address. Offer them a condom, then say, "Whoops, too late!". Play connect the dots with their sores. The possibilities are endless. Respiratory therapy is a good place to go and have a smoke. Plus, everyone in there is coughing up all kinds of interesting things. These make great toppings for the bed-pan snacks. Finally, don't forget about the morgue. Every hospital has one, and as that old Twilight Zone episode said, "There's room for one more!". It's easy to get in. Everyone who works at a hospital is over-worked and stressed out. Near the end of an 18 hour shift, no one will even notice you going in. Just swipe a doctor's coat or somehing, and walk right in. From necro-sadism to good, old fashioned cannibalism, there's always something fun to do in the morgue. These are just a few suggestions. I'm sure you can come up with more things to do. Just remember, all you need is a hard heart and a sick mind, and you too can have fun at the hospital! "...the more worn and weary, the more wrinkled a woman's ass, the more meet it is for such an operation; seasoning makes the salts more acrid, the vapors richer, the orders stronger... In general, I might add, there persists a very great error in what pertains to the exhalations emanated from the caput mortuum of our digestions; there is nothing unwholesome about them, nothing that is not altogether agreeable... shit hatred is unfailingly the mark of a simpleton, that you will admit; but need I tell you that there is such a thing as shit-connoisseurship, shit-gourmandise? No habit is more easily acquired than mard-savoring; eat one, delicious, eat another, no two taste exactly alike, but all are subtle and the effect is somewhat that of an olive. By all means, yes, one must allow one's imagination free play; but shit gleaned from antique and much-traveled assholes... ah, a supper for the gods, one of the culminating episodes of the libertine experience..." Originally By SICKOPATH
A Conversation Between God and SICKOPATH: I never used to believe in God, but the other night I was smoking some killer hydroponic skunk bud and all of the sudden the omnipotent master of all creation just appears before me. Needless to say, I was somewhat skeptical this was really God standing before me, and not just some acid flashback triggered by the half smoked spliff I was holding. I suggested that he prove his identity by making 5,000 pounds of the best pot in the universe appear in my basement. With a wave of his hand, he made my request a reality. Still not convinced, I suggested that another 5,000 pounds just might do the trick. He promptly made it appear (the sucker). I must admit, I then knew I was really talking to God. Below you'll find the transcript of that conversation. (For those who care, God does not look like George Burns. He told me he can appear in any form, but when I talked to him he looked like an uptight, preppy dickhead. Figures.) God: Why have you forsaken me my son? Sickopath: Well, considering the fact that up until 5 minutes ago I didn't even believe you existed, I really wouldn't say I've forsaken you. I mean, shit man, it ain't like you're the most talkative dude in the universe. How the hell do you expect anyone to take you seriously if you don't even offer any proof of your existence? It seems to me, if anyone has forsaken anyone here, it's YOU who've forsaken ME! God: I have given you the holy scriptures so that you may know my name and my plans... Sickopath: Oh great, yeah, some 2000 year old book is really sufficient proof that you exist. Tell me another one. That long-winded tome filled with the ramblings of a self loathing, enslaved people only proves that when one has exhausted all hope of a good life, they console themselves with the fantasy that a better existence awaits them after death. Personally, I don't think I've ever read a more self-serving, "Revenge of the Nerds" type story in my entire life. The whole theme of "the meek shall inherit the earth" is just wishful thinking. The Bible's authors knew damn well that they were all just a bunch of pussy-wimps without any hope of ever having the strength to over-throw their oppressors. So they invent a religion where losers like them are the ones that God favors. This being exactly what the people want to hear, they all embrace it. Having bullshited themselves into thinking some "God" will do for them what they can't do for themselves, they are at least able to sleep at night. It's nothing but a bunch of metaphysical masturbation, and is clearly no proof of your existence. God: You only see what you want to see. Sickopath: That's not really true. I don't recall asking to see YOU, and yet, there you are, sitting in my favorite chair. Hey, wait a minute, get the hell outta my chair! Nobody sits in my chair but me! Here, you can sit on this folding chair. It's a little wobbly, but it's better that a swift kick in the ass. Anyway, what about all the other religions out there? They all have their own little books, which all claim that their religion is the truth. Why do you allow so many different religions to flourish, knowing that only one of them will lead to salvation? Can you really expect someone who has never seen a Bible to follow it's rules if they don't even know they exist? It's bad enough that you don't bother to convince atheists of your existence. But then you go so far as to allow people who believe in you to follow a false set of guidelines, which they believe is what you want, only to damn them for their efforts. God: They have all been deceived by the devil. Sickopath: Oh don't gimmie that crap! I find it hard to believe that the devil really has nothing better to do than to fool a bunch of brown people into believing that wearing a towel on one's head will get one into heaven. And even if that IS what he's into, it's only because you allow him to get away with it that he's able to do it. The devil is only doing what comes naturally to him. You, as the creator of the entire universe, are directly responsible for the formation of his nature. How can a being who claims to love humans allow them to fall prey to such a predator? Even the lion protects it's cubs from the danger of other predators. They will fight to the death to keep them away. And yet you allow the devil to get so close to your flock that many fall victim to his entrapments. If a savage killer such as a lion cares for it's offspring more than God does for his creations, what does that say about the true temperament of this deity? God: I so loved the world that I gave my only begotten son so that man could have eternal life. Sickopath: Oh don't feed me that tired old line of meaningless bullshit. You resurrected the little bastard 3 days after he was killed! You didn't really give anything up. Had he remained forever dead, with no consciousness whatsoever, that would have been a REAL sacrifice. His death was nothing but a stage show to pump up the resolve of his followers. People love a martyr. Of course, martyrs usually stay dead, which makes their sacrifice so impressive. Jesus didn't stand to lose anything because he knew he'd be brought back to life. So what's the big fucking deal? But let's just assume for a minute that it was a legitimate sacrifice. How does it benefit man? How is that act supposed to forgive the sins of man? The whole concept of sin is so stupid in the first place. If something that a human can do offends you so much that you're willing to torture them for all eternity, why do you even make it possible for such an offense to occur? If something bothered me that much, I'd make sure to eliminate any chance it ever happened at all. God: I gave man free will to choose his own path. Sickopath: You lie! Man has very little choice in this matter. As man's creator, you implant in him the desire to commit sin, then get pissed off when he does! Well, just what the hell did you expect him to do? A real choice is something along the lines of, "What do you want for a snack, cake or pie?". Both options end in equal results- a yummy snack. The choice you offer man is no real choice at all, it's an ultimatum. You force man to deny his own nature, the nature you created, in order to please your own twisted sense of right and wrong. That's not freedom, that's oppression of the ultimate form. You're such an asshole! God: Well, I um, er, that is to say, I ah... Sickopath: Yeah, that's what I thought. You're just as dumb as the people who follow you. Once your lies are exposed, you turn into the blithering idiot you really are. Go fuck yourself God, I'm sure nobody else would want to. Get up and get your cheap ass out of my house. You've wasted far too much of my time already. And I'm keeping the weed, you dumb cunt.
That sounds similar to some of the conversations I've had with some of the religious nuts who have decided (in their worst jugement)I need help to find 'HIM' or 'THE TRUTH'
yeah... i love making religious fundamentalists question their faith... it's funny.. but jehovah's witnesses never seem to come knocking anymore..... fuckers
Gotta give you credit, Pimp. That post was pointed and devastating, and totally appropriate for my nutbar buddy who recently went of the religious deep-end. He's got the IQ of a fucking trout, and still he pontificates to me, the confirmed atheist genius (relatively speaking). Asshole! Once a nice guy, and still the funniest I've ever met, I had to turn him away. I was gonna send him the post, but that that would only serve to antagonize him. He's beyond salvation. Nutter.
RE: Hospitals Are Fun Pimp you truly are a sicko. I didn't want to read it but could't help myself. Got some empty reaches while reading but couldn't stop myself from continuing. Sick Sick Sick
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Scrawine: RE: Hospitals Are Fun Pimp you truly are a sicko. I didn't want to read it but could't help myself. Got some empty reaches while reading but couldn't stop myself from continuing. Sick Sick Sick <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> hehehe.... yeah... thats the thing about sick shit... you know you should look away and stop reading/watching... but you have to see what comes/happens next.... i got some more evil essays on my HD ... but i think some of them are too extreme even for THIS forum...
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PimpDaddy: hehehe.... yeah... thats the thing about sick shit... you know you should look away and stop reading/watching... but you have to see what comes/happens next.... i got some more evil essays on my HD ... but i think some of them are too extreme even for THIS forum... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> What? You mean that stuff is NOT normal? Erm...Oh,dear...Um...Oh...I...er...Um... ------------------ 'fuckingstopalready'
