GM vs MICROSOFT

Discussion in 'Jokes, Funny Stories and other Text.' started by Spooky Action, May 29, 2004.

  1. Spooky Action

    Spooky Action New Member

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    355
    At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: ''If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon.''

    In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself):

    If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

    1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

    2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have tobuy a new car.

    3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, andyou would just accept this, restart and drive on.

    4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

    5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought ''Car95'' or ''CarNT.'' But then you would have to buy more seats.

    6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five per cent of the roads.

    7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single ''general car default'' warning light.

    8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

    9. The airbag system would say ''Are you sure?'' before going off.

    10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

    11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

    12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

    13. You'd press the ''start'' button to shut off the engine.
     
  2. Reizvolles

    Reizvolles Active Member

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    2,487
    Oh God, that one is as old as the crusts in grandma's knickers! And about as funny too, I might add.
     
  3. Spooky Action

    Spooky Action New Member

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    355
    Well you would know..
     
  4. KaptainSkitzo

    KaptainSkitzo New Member

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    959
    Hey Spooky...no one bothers you about where YOU get DINNER....leave the Frenchy alone!
     
  5. ratatouille

    ratatouille New Member

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    2,688
    oh shit. i do that now.
    reizvolles is GERMAN.
     
  6. Spooky Action

    Spooky Action New Member

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    355
    That'll explain the crusty nickers thing then...
     

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