ok if you read that other post you know w hat is going on... if not, here is the high lights. My brother in law's sister died. She had 2 kids. One kid went to live with dad, the other stuck with granny. Granny and kid come to Georgia last weekend to live, and are in a crapy little house my sister bought (to rent out) ... Granny is about dead. Ok so why didnt the dad take "J" his son, but took the his brother... because this kid is obviously gay. He is 12 years old, and is very very feminine... I mean he pretty much looks like a girl. Within the first sentence you hear from this kid... you are thinking " WOW- EXTREME FAG - with a deep southern accent" This kid even walks like a beauty queen...and is only 12. He is obviously going to grow up and be a beautiful drag queen. My sister's kids are all manly boys...and HATE this kid. I had to hit one of them 3 or 4 times yesterday because he was saying such mean crap. "J" is the sweetest kid I have ever met, and his favorite hobby is CLEANING. I half ass mentioned ...in a joking way... "well he will love love living at my house" ...and my sister and brother in law said.. "yeah since his mom died, he gets a SSI check every month, free insurance, and bla bla..." my problem is... I dont mind taking in a child in need, I have room, and can afford it. But the whole extreme faggy thing has me worried... I dont want that influence on my boys, and I also have that fear in the back of my head of him molesting my kids.., I really have no idea what type of life he had growing up, I know his mom was single... and kinda trashy. I just imagine that poor "J" was molested as kid... and would turn around and do it himself. you know what I mean? My kid is 9 and he even asked "is that a boy or girl?" then when we got in the car.. he said .. "OMG That kid is sooo gay" so am I bad person to think this way? I mean god, it is a kid... with no one... if I take him, its not like I can just dump him at the pound if does not work out... I am really confused... and also wondering how to back out, or if I should back out. Part of me is thinking about my a gay friends, that were born that way, and never thought of molesting other kids... and I feel I am being closed minded.. but god that is a big risk. also I think ...12... in a few years he could hit the emo, depressed stage, I mean look at his life - gay- dead mom- dad does not want him- Im sure gets hell at school... I mean do I really want to take this on? Or I could just be thinking negative... he could end up being like some of my friends, super queer and happy. I do feel that living with me, it would change his life... and he would be very happy... much better then what he did have. I mean this kid was living on an Indian reservation (trailer park) with a pill head mom, and he never went anywhere or did anything fun... just school and Walmart. I dont know.. any input would be great... I mean, am I a bad person for wanting to back out, or am I a bad mom to put my kids at risk, is there a risk... I am really torn up about this. Barry... what do you think?
Have you spent any time alone with J? When you have a weekend alone, take him and go do something. Spend time talking to him and get to know him. If you are worried about him doing something, just ask. I think you would be a great influence on this kid, maybe enough of an influence to actually make his life better. So he is a future pole smoker, so what. Do you have any hetero male friends that you could take this kid along with the two of you to do stuff? He might just need a positive influence in his life to figure things out. Sounds like most the male people in his life have just abused him (mentally) and he might just be looking for a friend. Someone he can talk to. Just talk to the kid. So this is your sisters husbands sisters kid right?
Yeah, ... my sister's... husband's ... sister's kid. I only met the kid a few times, and the only met his mom one time... and really hated her. My sister hated her. She was a real piece of crap. I have talked this over with some friends... most say I should go for it.. these were some of my favorite remarks, shows what kind of friends I have 1. he just needs a manly influence... and no one is more manly then you. 2. he could be the kid that ends up taking care of you when you are old 3. he will be cleaning your house while clomping around in your heels 4. dude, you will be a chick with 3 kids... WTF and all different races. 5. umm how much is his check? 6. concentrate on your own kids, you cant take in every stray dog, cat, gay kid you find. 7. hey, your house will be clean (sister said this) since they moved last weekend, and the granny went into the hospital, they never unpacked and he has been staying with her... my sister's house is spotless. 8. Going to Rhonda's (me) that will turn him into a bigger fag (brother inlaw said this) I guess because I dont push sports, and my kid is a little more cultured then most... and because I am practically a drag queen myself. this weekend I have a few dates.. but I am keeping next weekend free. I will spend it with him, see what is up. I still have no idea what I will do... I am 50/50 on this one.
That,s a sad story. You cannot hardly just sit buy and watch a life be ruined. I don't believe there is such a thing as gay just perverted and confused. That kid needs help.
well I am not going to get into the "gay" debate. But yeah it sucks to watch something like this happen. I mean my sister and her family will take him if I dont, but she has a lot on her plate right now, she takes care of my Alzheimer's grandmother... and I am sure one day soon, my mom. Plus she already has a house full of ruff and tuff boys... always has a practice game, boxing, wrestling, and all that crap... and he really does not fit in over there. another thing that is great about the kid, he loves animals. He spend all his time at my sisters out brushing the horses... says he was to be an equine vet when he grows up... and being with me, I can really help point him in a good direction. His eyes literally lit up when I said " well I have book shelf filled with vet books" Poor kid , I kinda hate to say this, but his mom passing away is probably the best thing that ever happened to him. My sister just sent me pics she took of the trailer he lived in...she took them when they went to Alabama for the funeral... my god. I started crying. This mom of the year also let him smoke WTF!! My sister caught him smoking the other day, she told him... "if I ever see or smell smoke on you... your head will be shaved" This kid has had NO parental guidance, just a mom sleeping all day/night. Other then smoking ...never been in trouble, just a shy, quiet, faggy kid. I looked at his school transfer papers.. Has OK grades, passing everything except PE. only complaint from teachers was homework or projects (mom never helped him I guess) ... but all the teachers commented on what a sweet well behaved kid, great conduct. Oh and the poor kid was way behind on vaccines, I guess in Bama they care, so my sis had to take him to get shots. sorry for going on and on... I just have no idea what to do....and my friends seem to all 100% pro or negative about it... no one seems to give insight - or ideas... and most are silly like me and just say jokes or funny lines.. but this is a BIG...HUGE step/responsibility.decision... the one time I dont need jokes. another funny thing... he does kinda look like my Moroccan baby. This kid is half American Indian. Then I feel sorry for my 9 year old blond/blue kid... he will really stand out. Then there is the plus side, if I take this one on... my sister and her husband will definitely have to take my mom when the time comes... and I would rather take 6 kids instead of my own mother. Also if the dad decides to drop the other kid (his brother) My sister can take him... that one IS a trouble maker, loud, big-fat, annoying kid... always in fights... So I guess I would rather have the sweet, pretty, wants to be a vet, and loves to clean kid. Then I have the other part of me saying... this is not your problem, not your blood, you did not even really know the mom... you are going to end up in a house full off abandoned cat, dogs, kids... ugg I hate that my life is soooo full of drama.
Being a good person has nothing to do with being 'family' or not. I think if you decide not to, you are going to wish you had. Where as if you do take him and things dont work out, then you can at least say you tried.
What does your son think? That would be a big factor. I agree with Phatboy. Take him out, spend some time with him. Let your kids hang out with him and take it from there. I wonder if you could sneak in some kind of psych evaluation? That would give you an idea of what you might be getting yourself into. You don't have to decide today. Ultimately, it is not your responsibilty. All of your questions are valid and unfortunately, no one is gonna have the answers.
Yeah I already looked into an evaluation, since he is on medicaid- it is free. (waiting for Lomo to throw a fit) I plan on spending next weekend with him. My 9 year old feels sorry for him, and even said "hey he can live in the gay room, he will like it" One extra BR in this rental house, I have just used as a closet, and storage of junk... and never painted, it is purple... and pretty gay looking. He also said, maybe he take some class to not talk like that... I mean, this kids does sound like a 60 year old southern bell...
Ah... poor kid. If I were a different person, I would take him. I would like a feminine boy who likes to clean. I would be fine with him being gay but would be afraid that he would get hate crimed. So is your son for real okay with him or was he just half serious?
Younger kids seem to be a lot more tolerant, or even oblivious, to things like that. My son called his black friends at school his 'chocolate milk friends' simply because he didnt know that there was any difference (and we teach him there isnt). Your sisters older boys have been influenced by TV, or even their dad, to make fun of stuff that's different, or they just dont understand, it's easier that way. Get the eval, I think it will come back clean, and do what you know is right.
I hope and prey the grandma gets better... and stays alive, at least for another 6 years. They did find out she has septicemia... and started treatment, and my sister says she sounds 5 times better.
I would defintely agree with phatboy and nauseous. Get a eval and make sure there is nothing lurking in the wings and shit 6 years fly like the wind. It would be your good deed to the world yourself and most importantly him. I would be straight forward with him in every aspect of this relationship. Get everything out in the open, rules, gay factor, molestation, smoking, respect and see what he says. You can still catch a 12 yr old in bullshit. Post on how your weekend goes.
Nah, I wasn't going to throw a fit... It seems to have the makings of quite a challenge, but then again, I think you're just freaked out and overly analytical about the whole thing, which is completely justified, by the way. It's not like you're deciding between Crunchy or Creamy peanut butter (which, considering the recent recalls, might not have been the best example, but I digress.) My advice: get the kid a poodle and a nice, new brush if you adopt him.
