FWD: classifieds

Discussion in 'Jokes, Funny Stories and other Text.' started by kitana, Mar 7, 2002.

  1. kitana

    kitana New Member

    Messages:
    5,555
    Actual Classified Ads & Newspaper Headlines:

    FREE CHIHUAHUA.
    8 YEARS OLD.
    HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.
    ----------------------------------

    FREE PUPPIES:
    1/2 COCKER SPANIEL
    1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
    ------------------------------

    FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD
    PART STUPID DOG
    ------------------------------

    GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
    NEUTERED
    SPEAKS GERMAN
    FREE
    ------------------------------------

    FOUND:
    DIRTY WHITE DOG.
    LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
    BEEN OUT AWHILE.
    BETTER BE REWARD.
    -----------------------------------

    1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB --
    $850/offer
    ----------------------------

    SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
    ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
    -------------------------------

    2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
    1 - 5-finger, 1 - 3-finger, PAIR:
    $15
    ------------------------------

    TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX,
    COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L,
    AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
    ------------------------------

    COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
    ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
    -----------------------------------

    NORDIC TRACK $300
    HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY
    -------------------------------------

    BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
    "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
    --------------------------------------

    HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
    "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
    ----------------------------------------

    HARRISBURG POSTAL
    EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
    -----------------------------------------

    GEORGIA PEACHES
    CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
    ------------------------------------------

    NICE PARACHUTE:
    NEVER OPENED -
    USED ONCE
    -------------------------------------------

    TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
    WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
    STARTING PAY: $7 -- $9 PER HOUR.
    ---------------------------------------------

    EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
    QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.
    ---------------------------------------------

    OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
    AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
    ---------------------------------------------

    JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
    MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
    ----------------------------------------------

    LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
    ---------------------------------------------

    ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES
    FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
    -------------------------------------------

    OPEN HOUSE
    BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
    FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
    --------------------------------------

    FOR SALE BY OWNER
    Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45
    volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best
    offer.
    No longer needed. Got married last weekend.
    Wife knows everything .
     

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