Actual Classified Ads & Newspaper Headlines: FREE CHIHUAHUA. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG. ---------------------------------- FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG ------------------------------ FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD PART STUPID DOG ------------------------------ GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED SPEAKS GERMAN FREE ------------------------------------ FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE. BETTER BE REWARD. ----------------------------------- 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer ---------------------------- SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS. ------------------------------- 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 - 5-finger, 1 - 3-finger, PAIR: $15 ------------------------------ TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800 ------------------------------ COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE. ----------------------------------- NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY ------------------------------------- BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS" -------------------------------------- HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!" ---------------------------------------- HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB ----------------------------------------- GEORGIA PEACHES CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb. ------------------------------------------ NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE ------------------------------------------- TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 -- $9 PER HOUR. --------------------------------------------- EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175. --------------------------------------------- OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER. --------------------------------------------- JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300. ---------------------------------------------- LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY. --------------------------------------------- ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER ------------------------------------------- OPEN HOUSE BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON FREE COFFEE & DONUTS -------------------------------------- FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything .