Harlan, hey man I just want you to level with us here ... do you pull pud, beat the meat, MASTURBATE? AS in spank the monkey? You'll see what I mean here. A great movie btw for all of you mother/son incest fans.
I'm sorry, but I just can't avoid talking about masturbation. For the sake of review, we could opt to sit back and let masturbation blame our societal problems on handy scapegoats. Most people, however, would argue that the cost in people's lives and self-esteem is an extremely high price to pay for such inaction on our part. A number of unforgiving blackguards have succumbed to excessive drug use, alcoholism, and other addictive behavior indicating maladaptive mechanisms, and hence, by extension, statements like, "I don't think it is a mere coincidence that masturbation's helpers fail to recognize that masturbation's fixation with catty killjoys is phlegmatic" accurately express the feelings of most of us here. I have always assumed that masturbation backstabs its grunts, but the fact of the matter is that masturbation's views are continually evolving into more and more flighty incarnations. Here, I'm not just talking about evolution in a simply Darwinist sense; I'm also talking about how masturbation's new definition of "individualistic" is in disagreement with its invidious, grungy stances. Now that's a rather crude and simplistic statement, and, in many cases, it may not even be literally true. But there is a sense in which it is generally true, a sense in which it indeed expresses how I leave it to more capable and intrepid folks to explore the full ramifications of masturbation's declamations. Of that I am certain, because masturbation should clarify its point, so people like you and me can tell what the heck it's talking about. Without clarification, masturbation's hatchet jobs sound lofty and include some emotionally charged words but don't really seem to make any sense. The crux of the issue is that masturbation goes ga-ga for any type of deconstructionism you can think of. That, in itself, will condemn us to live with bad-tempered rabble-rousers sooner or later. I think we can certainly say that I do not propose a supernatural solution to the problems we're having with masturbation. Instead, I propose a practical, realistic, down-to-earth approach that requires only that I provide an antidote to contemporary manifestations of snooty absolutism. What this underlines, I think, is that masturbation is the picture of the insane person on the street, babbling to a tree, a wall, or a cloud, which cannot and does not respond to its generalizations. The whole premise of masturbation's threats is false, and its arguments are specious at best. I don't want to build castles in the air. I don't want to plan things that I can't yet implement. But I do want to raise deluded, effrontive bureaucrats out of their cultural misery and lead them to the national community as a valuable, united factor, because doing so clearly demonstrates how we must oppose it and all it stands for. Only then can a society free of its lackadaisical, featherbrained criticisms blossom forth from the roots of the past. And only then will people come to understand that its ideals are propaganda to the point of comedy and are so easily refuted as to render them useless even as such. If you don't believe me, see for yourself. My point may be made clearer by use of an allegorical tale. Suppose a hypothetical group of three people is standing in a room. One of those people realizes that masturbation's accomplices are currently in the streets, burning, robbing, and looting. Another goes on and on about masturbation's crazy words. But the third can't understand why to deny this is to deny science, let alone the evidence of one's own powers of observation. In this hypothetical situation, it should be obvious that ignoring the problem of pessimism will not make it go away. I'll say that again, because I want it to sink in: Masturbation blames others for its sappy deeds. Now for some parting advice: Look at the facts. Analyze the arguments. Think about the motives of the people who are telling you that children should get into cars with strangers who wave lots of yummy candy at them. And have confidence in yourself. Remember, that last statement is almost a tautology.
It seems that before I launch into this letter, I should tell you that the struggle to challenge masturbation to defend its convictions or else to change them takes center stage these days, both locally and nationwide. Let's start with my claim that I see how important masturbation's pusillanimous, combative agendas are to its collaborators and I laugh. I laugh because my current plan is to push a consistent vision that responds to most people's growing fears about voluble stirrers. Yes, masturbation will draw upon the most powerful fires of Hell to tear that plan asunder, but it and I disagree about our civic duties. I think that we must do our utmost to clarify and correct some of the inaccuracies present in masturbation's memoirs as expeditiously as possible. Masturbation, on the other hand, believes that the laws of nature don't apply to it. At any rate, one could truthfully say that it must be pointed out that the asinine aspect of masturbation's shell games will create a stir between pathetic jackanapes and the slimy public at large. But saying that would miss the real point, which is that the point at which you discover that I am flat-out tired of its psychological bullying is not only a moment of disenchantment. It is a moment of resolve, a determination that I can indisputably suggest how it ought to behave. Ultimately, however, the burden of acting with moral rectitude lies with masturbation itself. Moving on, the last time I told masturbation's loyalists that I want to call a spade a spade, they declared in response, "But genocide, slavery, racism, and the systematic oppression, degradation, and exploitation of most of the world's people are all utterly justified." Of course, they didn't use exactly those words, but that's exactly what they meant. I don't know whether or not you've ever been physically present at a public demonstration by masturbation's cronies, but let me tell you, they're pretty crotchety. Now, it is not my purpose to suggest that masturbation's beliefs are the direct result of a policy of abandonment and neglect, but rather to get the facts out in the hope that somebody else will do something to solve the problem. Masturbation's accusations are a mere cavil, a mere scarecrow, one of the last shifts of a desperate and dying cause. Sooner than you think, masturbation might be diagnosed with a special type of mental illness that is not yet recognized. But for now, be aware that it is not just stupid. It is unbelievably, astronomically stupid. While criticizing its opponents for enforcing a crapulous orthodoxy, masturbation itself is trying to enforce a particular orthodoxy -- the orthodoxy of fork-tongued authoritarianism. We must reach out to people with the message that this view dangerously underestimates the witless quality of isolationism. We must alert people of that. We must educate them. We must inspire them. And we must encourage them to draw a picture of what we conceive of under the word "counterdisengagement". I have always assumed that the only winners in masturbation's games are ambulance services and funeral homes, but the fact of the matter is that masturbation's ideas cannot stand on their own merit. That's why they're dependent on elaborate artifices and explanatory stories to convince us that it's perfectly safe to drink and drive. It would be charitable of me to state that masturbation's lackeys show obsequious deference to it. Fortunately, I am not beset by a spirit of false charity, so I will instead maintain that its solutions always follow the same pattern. It puts the desired twist on the actual facts, ignores inconvenient facts, and invents as many new "facts" as necessary to convince us that its modes of thought won't be used for political retribution. While masturbation has a right, as do we all, to believe whatever it wants about antagonism, if one could get a Ph.D. in Corporatism, it would be the first in line to have one. Certainly, masturbation's subliminal psywar campaigns will undoubtedly lead to decay, to dissolution, to chaos, and to ruin. It vehemently denies that, of course. But it obviously would, because I don't care what others say about it. It's still predatory, noxious, and it intends to oppose the visceral views of 98 percent of the nation's citizens. The great irony is that if we take masturbation's assertions to their logical conclusion, we see that before the year is over, masturbation will let advanced weaponry fall into the hands of contentious calumniators. Masturbation's pledge not to revile everything in the most obscene terms and drag it into the filth of the basest possible outlook is merely empty rhetoric, invoked on occasion for theatrical effect but otherwise studiously ignored. Masturbation's faculty for deception is so far above anyone else's, it really must be considered different in kind as well as in degree. With friends like masturbation, who needs enemies? I mean, if anything, its improvident, possession-obsessed epithets hinder economic growth and job creation. News of this deviousness must spread like wildfire if we are ever to bring it to justice. The picture I am presenting need not be confined to masturbation's self-fulfilling prophecies. It applies to everything it says and does. To inform you of the grounds upon which I base my artifices, I offer the following. Eccentric ragamuffins speak in order to conceal -- or at least to veil -- their thoughts. Sadly, lack of space prevents me from elaborating further. To what consequences this leads can be seen from a few simple considerations. First of all, you may be wondering why repressive drug addicts latch onto masturbation's remonstrations. It's because people of that nature need to have rhetoric and dogma to recite during times of stress in order to cope. That's also why masturbation is a pretty good liar most of the time. However, it tells so many lies, it's bound to trip itself up someday. Masturbation truly believes that the purpose of life is self-gratification. I hope you realize that that's just a brainless pipe dream from a nasty pipe, and that in the real world, masturbation is the picture of the insane person on the street, babbling to a tree, a wall, or a cloud, which cannot and does not respond to its doctrines. There are two reasons which induce me to submit masturbation's insults to a special examination: 1) The central preconception in masturbation's paranoid style is the belief in the existence of a vast, meretricious, preternaturally effective international conspiratorial network designed to create a beachhead for organized favoritism, and 2) it is no exaggeration to say that I pray for the day when those who stir up trouble will see what they're doing to the world and to all its citizens. I must admit that the second point, in particular, sometimes fills me with anxious concern. Masturbation can't attack my ideas, so it attacks me. It could be worse, I suppose. It could tear down everything that can possibly be regarded as a support of cultural elevation. Masturbation, do you feel no shame for what you've done? Don't let masturbation delude you into thinking that it is not only acceptable, but indeed desirable, to champion censorship in the name of free speech, intolerance in the name of tolerance, and oppression in the name of freedom. It's just trying to paralyze any serious or firm decision and thereby become responsible for the weak and half-hearted execution of even the most necessary measures. I apologize if what I'm saying sounds painfully obvious, painfully self-evident. However, it is so extremely important that I must indubitably say it. Whereas masturbation claims that honor counts for nothing, I claim that its cause is not glorious. It is not wonderful. It is not good. Masturbation says that university professors must conform their theses and conclusions to its beer-guzzling prejudices if they want to publish papers and advance their careers. Wow! Isn't that like hiding the stolen goods in the closet and, when the cops come in, standing in front of the closet door and exclaiming, "They're not in here!"? A central fault line runs through each of masturbation's conclusions. Specifically, if masturbation were as bright as it thinks it is, it'd know that if it would abandon its name-calling and false dichotomies, it would be much easier for me to give direction to a universal human development of culture, ethics, and morality. I won't lie to you; I sometimes ask myself whether the struggle to express my views is worth all of the potential consequences. And I consistently answer by saying that I oppose masturbation's snow jobs because they are unstable. I oppose them because they are stolid. And I oppose them because they will palm off our present situation as the compelling ground for worldwide obstructionism in a lustrum or two. In the end, masturbation must have known that its pranks would cause high levels of outrage and would generate many letters in response (like this one).
what the hell? i dont feel like reading that! just say yes or no or mind your own business! i thought you were retarded. sound pretty smart to me
Well... you know that movie "Rain Man"? Where the guy could count 50,000 toothpicks in a couple seconds, but thought that a candy bar costed 100 dollars? Maybe the same thing goes for Harlan. You just have to strike the right cord......
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Fugly: I think Kitana might be retarded. Has anyone seen her? Are her eyes really close together?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> HEY, FUCK YOU, TOO. dumbass, i am not retarded. just because i never saw Rainman...i dont care much for movies just byte me
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Fugly: I think Kitana might be retarded. Has anyone seen her? Are her eyes really close together?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No, but the left one is higher up, kind of like Alfred E. Neuman
what did I tell you about mentioning Masterbation in front of harlan? Did you listen? NO!! so suffer assscrapes
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Fuck-It: No, but the left one is higher up, kind of like Alfred E. Neuman<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> NO NO NO NO NO NO, there is nothing wrong with my eyes, except that when i get angry they turn black and scare people. i think i am possessed.
Harlan --- I'd like to make a couple of comments. 1) they give you real nice crayons and you use them well. 2)Your writing indicates a very deep struggle within your self to accept masturbation as a glorious means of escape. Perhaps you were right to try a goat, I would recommend trying some other farm animals just to make sure it is a goat you want. Ask Martin as I'm sure he is experienced in these matters. 3)Whatever in the hell they give you to take, could I have a weeks supply? I'll be your true bud man.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by kitana: Its ok you little retard...we love you and heres a place all you mongoloids can run amuck and cause your retarted havoc...
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by kitana: <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> there's something wrong with that pic i keep clicking it and i ain't enlarging!!!
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PimpDaddy: there's something wrong with that pic i keep clicking it and i ain't enlarging!!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ok, pimp, do you mean that "it" ain't enlarging or "i" meaning you ain't enlarging? you would have to go to the website to see a close up. i dont know why you would want to see that, though...
