Daily Therapy with Dr. Swope

I think we should take advantage of our most esteemed Fugly and start a "Dear Swopey" advice column.

Dear Swopey,

I am 27 years old. I have trouble concentrating on things and I procrastinate a lot. Whenever I sit down to read a textbook, my mind wanders and I begin to think about a hundred things other than what I am suposed to be studying. I think I have ADD. I know one of my teachers has ADHD. What is the difference between those two? Is there anything I can do to make myself less retaded?

Thanks,

Unorganized in Batswana

 

Dear Unorganized,

ADD and AD/HD are the same thing. The name was changed in the DSM IV a few years ago.

You don't have it. Your inability to focus is attributable to the drug and alcohol habit you have cultivated, and the fact that you really are retarded.

It appears to me that the best diagnosis for you is D.U.M.B. This newly classified disorder is at an epidemic stage in internet forums. It appears to be contagious, and the only known cureis to cancel the Internet account.

If you would like a second opinion, I will refer you to Dr. Mia.

Hope this helps. An E-Bill is on the way.

Dr. Bazza

 

Sorry Baz, I dissagree with your diagnosis. Whip is trying to prove himself in the forum as being an " I am" . Bless his heart he doesnt mean any wrong, this is his way of defining himself, alas my prognosis is a life time of retardation. Please Baz ( my love ) tell me if you think I am wrong ( God help you if you dissagree, GRRRRRRR). :wink:

 

I did not realize that "Unorganized in Batswana" was actually (wink, wink) a "friend" of Whip. How slow of me.

Yes, Dr. Mia is right. Whip is a hopeless retard, and meds will help only if everyone that has to deal with him takes them.

So Mia, your professional opinion is that Whip has the "I Am" syndrome? Hummmm. (strokes non- existent beard in best imitation of Freud) so you feel we need to shift our clinical focus to Axis II? Narcississm with a little twist of Anti-Social PD? Yes, I could see how that would fit......

Dr Bazza

 

Dear "DR" Swopey,

My problem is differnet. I am married to a man that wastes huge amounts of time in stupid internet forums like this one. He laughs out loud while I am watch TV, and yells at the computer screen as if it had ears. Now he is engaged to a post whore who is quite cute and buxom and he had the nerve to think that I would find it amusing. My question is simple - since he has his head in the computer screen all the time, how long do you thinbk it will take him to reaslize that me and the kids sold all the furniture and moved out?

Sincerely,

Bugs

 

Bugs, to help you through these hard times its recommended you find some younger man to help console you, naked.

In your case, since you've been with him so long, you may need a few such partners.

 

Walk me through the process. It has been a while.

Bugs

 

LOL.

No cyber sex for Barry tonight.



Ahem,

Uh, yes, Mr. and Mrs. Dr. Swopey, thanks for the advice. I have another question. I believe that I am an angry person inside. I want other people to shut up and die all the time. These feelings never come to the surface in daily life. I seem quite normal to other people. I find myself not liking myself sometimes for wishing harm on others. What do I do?

Sincerely,

Angry in Burma

 

Alright amateur hour is over. The only way to see if you have ADD is to try some meds to see if you see an improvement. You also may want to monitor your blood pressure to see if it is effected by the medication. As far as you wishing harm on others and feeling guilty about things it is derived from a poor family experience growing up. Recommend rising above it by deserting your antisocial behaviors with the exception of rubbing your families nose in your new found class and magnamity that they lacked (being antisocial themselves) while bringing you up.

 

That was a bit of an anti-climax

 

Dr. Danny Dumbass reveals his ignorance once again.

(Throws out the clinical assessments, family histories, brain scan imaging, impulse testings and psych evals and starts medicating kids at the door)

Whip, if you are really concerned about this, go see a qualified Psychiatrist. If you have AD/HD (maybe) or Depression (more likely) you will be very glad you did.

If you are just doing this for entertainment - then you ARE retarded.

Barry

 

Funny. Stay off my computer when I am at work.

(calls home frantically to be sure she is joking)

Barry

 

Yeah your right. He needs a 4 thousand dollar brain scan, 5 hundred dollars worth of assessments form fake ass shrinks, 3 hundred worth of impulse testing, and 2 hundred in psych evaluations and a couple of hundred in lost wages not a 7 dollar prescription and a 15$ co-pay to see if it's going to work. You're right I'm the dumbass

 

Hey that sounds about right. I feel better already!

I knew there was a reason I spend 4 hours a day on Fugly.com!

I think Swopey needs some meds maybe.

 

Dear Dr. Barry, I have a "friend" who likes to fire random calibre assualt weapons over his neighbors , not to hit or harm, just scare them unmercifully. Needless to say, no jahovah's witnesses ever show up to his house anymore (it could have been he answered the door in his "hitler was right" t-shirt") but is this normal behaviour? Maybe he should fire smaller calibre weapons?

-Armed in Armenia

 

Now that was one of the funniest things I have read on here.

Want to flirt?

 

Basicly, you sit there, look pretty and smile while the young bloods flaunt their, ahem, plumage.

 

Normal is a subjective term.

Is firing weapons across the roofs of your neighbors houses normal? It is if you live in the Middle East or the inner city of any major American city.

I doubt the citizens find it normal in Trailer Park, North Carolina however.

Wait! I found some conclusive evidence that they don't think it's normal in N.C.!!!!

http://webapps6.doc.state.nc.us/apps/offender/offend1?DOCNUM=0662574&SENTENCEINFO=yes&SHOWPHOTO=yes

I recommend that you fire into the homes in the future. That way, no one will be alive to file a complaint. Or better yet, just do what the voices tell you.

Dr. Bazza

 

Bugs is quite proud of herself. She printed her little humor attempt and posted it on the refrigerator for me to see.

Please flirt with her. Her demands for attention cut into my computer time.

Barry

 

she should try emailing you then