Okay, so I was out playing pool all night and about 3 am these two girls stumbeled in. Drunk. I mean DRUNK. So I sit down at the bar after they turn the lights on in the back room and this drunk dude starts talking to me ah I know your brothers, I know this person, I know that person. So the drunk chicks come over and they look pretty good in the dark light. One has got her cleavage all very prominent. They were rolling around on the pool table and we were all man check out those chicks making out on the pool table. So I am talking to the drunk dude and the chicks come over and they are talking some bull**** about their father being professional shooters and how they are going to try to win some compotetion and then the drunk guy is all lets take these ah forget it. So the chick is going to give us a ride back to her place and she starts bouncing off other cars and I don't know how but we don't get pulled over. And she winds up driving to one of my brothers clients. My brother does criminal defense and then the guy I am with pulls out this cocaine and I am all man I don't like that ****. So this girl goes crazy saying the other guy from the bar grabbed her ass and they are arguing in the car and he is saying I am a black man and I have dated lots of white bread girls and I am saying WTF? and it is starting to sound like some movie sound track and then the girl starts saying why didn't you stop your buddy from grabbing my ass I Am more mad at you then him because I was kind of hugging on her before we got into the car and her friend bounced her car off a couple of other cars and just kept driving. So finally, I said forget this crap and walked like 2 miles at 5 am to get to my car which I had pretty well sobered up enough to drive the 5 miles home. Crazy crap man. SOmebody get me a chick that hasn't or will not wind up doint time is that so much to ask?
Because then him and Smurf would get together to talk about the weather. Mars he could still get into the forums, with a really good wireless signal. How about Alpha Centauri? Perhaps the Polaris system?
Females are pretty much idiots anyways, but throw alchohol into the mix and you've got full blown retards on your hands.
your story doesn't have shit on MINE dan... so, saturday night i had some friends over to my house--marcus, roxy and tony. we were sitting around drinking beer and shots of goldshlager (spelling??). marcus was starving so he ordered some pizza. the pizza finally came around 2am after waiting like THREE hours... so, the pizza guy came in, we paid for the pizza and that's that. well, right after the pizza guy pulled off we heard this knock knock on the door and we were like who the hell... i answered the door and there's this old ass drunk lady standing there. she was all, "hi, i'm your neighbor from across the street! i saw the pizza guy, and know you guys are up partying, can i party with you too??" i was drunk off my ass by this point, and started laughing in this woman's face, but i was like "SURE, COME ON IN!" marcus looked at me like i was crazy and said, "WHAT?" so, this woman came in, started helping herself to pizza and shots--she took like five in a row, and rather than kick her out, i was so FLABBERGASTED i couldn't stop laughing hysterically right in this woman's face. she was all LOUD and OLD and DRUNK--she was like, "wow, what's so funny?? i want to laugh to, tell me the joke!" and marcus was like, "we're laughing at YOU!" then she kept telling us this story about how she grew up in the house she's in now, and her best friend (rosemary harris--i remember because she repeated it like 50 times) used to live in our house, and how she used to have a trampoline in her front yard, and her friend rosemary was all big and fat and used to come over and break it all the time, so her dad always had to fix it. i was laughing so hard i was crying, telling her "your friend was a fucking FAT ASS COW!" she was like, that's not nice, that was my friend, and i just started laughing harder. i asked her how old she was and she said 52, and i said, "damn, you're OLD!" and started laughing some more. we were all DYING laughing at this woman. so, get this, my wonderful friends LEFT me there with her. the bitch wouldn't shut up. she started telling me how pretty i am, and was like, my husband thinks it's hot when i hit on other chicks, and she tried to FUCKING KISS ME!!!!! i was DISGUSTED, and was like, YOU NEED TO GO HOME! so, she was like, oh i'm sorry blah blah blah, and i was just getting pissed at this point. her old ass tongue wasn't coming anywhere near my body. so, she finally starts to leave, but she's so drunk she passed out in the middle of my kitchen floor. i couldn't get her up at all!!!!! so, i called my husband (he was out with his friends), and had him come home, and help me with this woman. we walked across the street and banged on the door until her husband answered. well, let me tell you, he is like king of the white trash people. he answered the door in his tidy whiteys, and was like, "aw, HELL, i didn't even know the dumb bitch left the house. she's always getting drunk and leaving out of here. well, FUCK, let me get some pants on." so, he comes back to our house and starts slapping the shit out of his wife!! she was still passed out, but he was just hauling off and SMACKING the HELL out of her!!! i was like "WHAT?! don't do all that! just carry her home!" the old guy was like, "oh it's cool. she likes it when i do that." louis (my husband) was like, "dude, that's NOT cool with me. stop beating her up, and carry her home." so, the old guy BARELY ATTEMPTED to pick his wife up and said, "oh hell no, she's too fucking fat. i can't lift her fat ass up. she can just sleep here." (this woman was by NO means fat--she was a little scrawny old alcoholic looking woman.) so, i got pissed and started going off on the guy. i was like, "she's not staying HERE! you're a piece of shit white trash mother fucker! how dare you smack your wife, and then you're going to disrespect her and talk about her like that!" i was going OFF! it was so funny. so, anyways, louis ended up carrying the woman home, and after i got done cussing her husband out, he looks at louis and says, "well, it was nice meeting you folks. next time we shoot some shoes out back, we'll invite you over." i was dumbfounded.
This trainwreck of a story was brought to you by the word LIKE, used over 20 times in this self indulgent diatribe of crap.
