Service Animosity. Two Seals boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a Green Beret got on and took the aisle seat nextto the two Seals. The Green Beret kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Seal in the window seat said: "I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Green Beret, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Seal picked up the Green Beret's boot and spit in it. When the Green Beret returned with the coke, the other Seal said: "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Green Beret obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Seal picked up the other boot and spit in it. The Green Beret returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Houston. As the plane was landing, the Green Beret slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" the Green Beret asked. "This fighting between our groups? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?" Military Etiquette. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Officer: Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, SIR! The Green Beret. There was a Green Beret who had four daughters. He was in a habit of worrying about his daughters and always answered the door with a sawed-off shotgun. One night he hears a knock at the door and finds a young man standing there. The young man says: "My name is Freddy. I've come to pick up Betty. We're going out for spaghetti. I hope she's ready." The Green Beret thought that was cute so he let them go out. Pretty soon another knock on the door and another young man was there. He said: "My name is Lance. I've come for Nance. We're going to a dance. Is she ready by chance?" Again the Green Beret thought it was cute and let them go. Soon another knock on the door with yet another young man standing there. He said: "My name is Moe. I'm here to get Flo. We're going to a show. Is she ready to go?" Once again the Green Beret thought it was cute and he let them go. Again there was a knock on the door and a young man was standing there. He said: "My name is Chuck," ........ The Green Beret shot him. Time ? In the US Army Airborne School, which trains parachute jumpers for the Army, one of the Sergeants was demonstrating all of the possible failures that could happen to the equipment. In particular, he was explaining how many things could happen to keep the main parachute from opening. When one of the trainees asked, "If my parachute fails to open, how long do I have to open my reserve chute?" "Son, you have the REST of your life to deploy that reserve!", the sergeant drawled. Uncle Bob. The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Kathy said: "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?" "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched." "That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?" "Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a Green Beret in Vietnam and his helicopter got hit. He had to crash land in enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" ................... "Don't fuck with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking." Marine Brains. I have this friend who went to the doctor and the doc told him he needed a new brain. The doctor took him down to this room with jars full of brains. My friend looks around and finds a jar that says: Doctor's Brains $1000/oz. "Wow", my friend says, "I could be a doctor." He looks at the next jar and it says: Surgeon's Brains $10,000/oz. "Wow", he says, "I could be a surgeon." The next jar says: Marine's brains $1,000,000/oz. My friend asked the doctor: "Why are the Marine's brains so expensive?" The doctor looks at him and says: "Do you know how many Marines it takes to make one ounce of brains?" Getting Out. Sergeant asked the corporal: "Well, I guess you're one of the guys that will be happy to see me go? And I guess you'll be one of the guys who will come by and piss on my grave, when I'm gone?" The corporal said: "Not me Serge! When I get out of this man's Army, I'll never stand in line again!" Alligator shoes. A Green Beret was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Geen Beret shouted: "Maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!" The vendor said: "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier, saying the same thing." So the Green Beret headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist-deep in the water. He thought: "Those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Green Beret saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines. Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures. One of the Marines then exclaimed: "Darn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!" Special Forces Ambush. A marine company making a road march, passed a small hill where a Green Beret trooper on the top of the hill yelled down: "You Jarheads are a bunch of sissies". The Company Captain sent Sgt.Rock, the toughest man in the outfit, to shut him up. When Sgt.Rock got to the top of the hill he and the Green Beret disappeared behind the crest of the hill. Dust arose from the back of the hill, then the Green Beret reappeared and yelled: "You Jarheads are still sissies." The Captain then got three of the toughest men in the outfit and told them to go up there and said: "Take care of that guy." The three then disappeared behind the hilltop, more dust appeared and again here came the Green Beret and he yelled down:"Is that the best you can do?" The Captain said: "That's it, send up a squad." Again dust arose, but this time a marine appeared and yelled out:"Captain don't send any more people up here, it's an ambush, there's two of them Green Berets up here." Shit. An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35 lb. pack on his back, 15 lb. weapon in hand, after having marched 12 miles; saying: "This is shit." An Army Airborne Ranger stands in the rain with a 45 lb. pack on his back, weapon in hand, after having jumped from an airplane and marched 18 miles; saying with a smile: "This is good shit!" A Navy SEAL lies in the mud with a 55 lb. pack on his back, weapon in hand, after swimming 10 miles to shore, crawling through a swamp and marching 25 miles at night past the enemy positions, saying with a grin: "This really is great shit." A Green Beret, up to his nose in the stinking, bug-infested mud of a swamp with a 65 lb. pack on his back and a weapon in both hands after jumping from an aircraft at high altitude, into the ocean, swimming 12 miles to the shore, killing several alligators to enter the swamp, then crawling 30 miles through the brush to assault an enemy camp, saying: "I love this shit." The Air Force NCO sits in an easy chair in an air-conditioned, carpeted office and saying: "My e-mail's out? What kind of shit is this?" The Secretary. General Smith got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly open. When leaving the room she said: "General Smith, your barracks door is open." He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary. Calling her in he asked: "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you notice a soldier standing at attention?" The secretary, who was quite witty replied: "Why no, sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags." Beautiful. By the time a Green Beret pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Commando assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning the Green Beret came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "No, I shut him up in no time." said the Commando. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Green Beret explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and then he sat up all night watching me."
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by HighClass-WhiteTrash 1337: man these are gay, i didnt read them just posted it.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> like most your posts
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by HighClass-WhiteTrash 1337: Getting Out. Sergeant asked the corporal: "Well, I guess you're one of the guys that will be happy to see me go? And I guess you'll be one of the guys who will come by and piss on my grave, when I'm gone?" The corporal said: "Not me Serge! When I get out of this man's Army, I'll never stand in line again!" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> i dun get that one, but all the others were funny
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ~pimpchichi~: there will be a queue to piss on his grave<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> interesting.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by HighClass-WhiteTrash 1337: haha she still doesnt get it.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> i do!
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by HighClass-WhiteTrash 1337: sure.....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> i do! dun kontradikt me
Let's have kit tell us in her own words, then..... "Heeeeeeeeey Kiiiitty... You got's some 'splainin ta do!"
well ummm, ok... *klears throat* i dunno...but i know that it had something to do with jimmy hendrix being bad. k?
