A lil humor

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is waiting right
outside of the ladies dressing room for his Mom to come out.
While waiting the little boy gets bored and just when his Mom comes
walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt.
"Get your hand out of there!" she shouts.
"Don't you know that women have teeth down there?"

The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten.

For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs.

When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action. After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, "You know, you could go a little further if you want."

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch.

"HELL NO!" he cries, "you've got teeth down here!"

"Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no such thing as teeth down there!"

"Yes there are," he says, "my Mom told me so."

"No there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself."

With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek. "No I'm sorry" he says. "My Mom already told me that ALL women have teeth down there."

"Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there."

The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, after seeing the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised!

 

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you

shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little TONY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The

second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting

off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one

that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the

wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."

******************************************************

LITTLE TONY ON MATH

Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father?

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,' I said '6,'" replies TONY.

"But that's right!" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me '! How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!"

*****************************************************

LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH

Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to

learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a

multi-syllable word?"

TONY says "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."

Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

*****************************************************

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR

Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go

to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"

The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in

this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'

Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you

to go."

Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you

had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

*******************************************************

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of

hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought

my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was

pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"

*******************************************************

LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER

Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after

another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son,

you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne,

rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business.

 

Hi - I cannot vouch for the authenticity of this - supposedly from Child Support in Dallas. Nevertheless, it is sadly amusing. What is that government program -- "NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND?"



Unbelievable.........


Who's Your Daddy?

When someone puts in for Child Support, the proper thing to do is to
find out who the father is and see why he is not providing support.

The following are all replies that Dallas women have written on Child
Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details. Or putting it
another way... Who's yo Daddy! These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure to check outnumber 11. It takes the prize and #3 is runner up.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was
fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of
child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was
being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can
provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was
conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex
with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so
good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you
send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a
BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels.
Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if
he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am
awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was
immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.


6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to
do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications
for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the
country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all blacks look the same to me.


8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him,
can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned
at the same time.... well I don't have a clue.

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney
World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember
for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening.
If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to
the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized


11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all
when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

Yep, you guessed it right. You are all paying taxes to support these dim
bulbs....

 

The first joke was funnier than hell...

 

Just the first joke? What the fuck was wrong with the others? :shock:

 

Too long.

The attention span here is about five sentences.

*slaps*- Didn't you KNOW that?

 

five senta...?

 

I've never read past the M in Sam.

 

Shut up I say! Shut Up!

 

What the hell is your BOGGLE?

 

Fuck off.

 

Fuck on.

 

Suck me Bitch and we will both get off

 

I don't think that's how it works Red. See, girls have this special little button they like you to push, but with your tongue. . .

 

Ain't nothing wrong with eating pussy but it do taste better when it is bleeding, thinking about RED WINGS yummy

 

Here then, I'll stuff a used tampon down your throat just to remind you of me when I'm not around...

 

*throws away strawberry Otterpop*

 

What the fuck is an otterpop? A seal on a stick?

 

Its a popcicle in like a tube. . .

 

Oh, GOOD!

Maybe Redskin can shove one of those up his ass while simaltaneously gagging on my used tampon.

Party!