History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived off the deer in the mountains and forests during the summer, then went to the coast to live on fish and lobster in winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. Beer was invented first, then the wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These two inventions were the foundation of modern civilization. Together they were the catalyst for the division of humanity into two distinct groups: liberals and conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor the aluminum can was invented yet. So, while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were established. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative Movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecue and beer bust. During the day they did the sewing, fetching, and hair styling. This was the beginning of the Liberal Movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as "girlie men." Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of voting to determine how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives produced. Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the elephant, the largest and most powerful land animal on Earth. And of course, liberals came to be symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer, but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish and don't eat red meat. Sushi, tofu, granola, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: Most of the liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal-injury attorneys, journalists, group therapists, and movie stars are liberals. And by the way, liberals invented the designated-hitter rule because they thought it "unfair" to make the pitcher bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer and eat red meat. They give you a day's work for a day's pay and don't expect anybody else to take care of them. Conservatives are big-game hunters, cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, fighter pilots, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. The liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed. They created the concept of trying to get something for nothing.
Gas I'd love to take credit but its not my work. Quite entertaining to read though. Had me "Laughing Out Loud"
Ah yeah shoulda figured that. I think it would be a little better without the right wing spin on it. It's funny how many traits I share with the conservatives but I still lean to the right.
Yeah I knew what you meant. It is cool to believe that Reps are greedy meanies and Dems are cool and kind. You will likely grow out of it though. I'm not being sarcastic really if it sounds that way. I was a lefty till after high school. And then I started becoming less sure. The whole mortgage crisis is a perfect example of how the left meddling with the laws of nature actually make the poor worse off and even more dependent on them (the left).
Believe me when I say that I don't give a shit what's cool or not, I despise trends in general. And I'm pretty sure I've "grown out of it" as much as I'm going to. I used to be a fuck it anything goes teenager/young adult and I've reined in it quite a bit. But I'll be damned if I'm joining the red camp.
Ah yes hetting a head start on mid life crisis are we? :biggrin: Don't believe what you see in the movies.
Shit I'm looking FORWARD to my mid-life crisis, can't be worse than anything else I've been through yet.
Thats cool if Obama gets in then give it the 4 or 8 years he is in office to screw up and show you what socialism feel like to live under. Then maybe we will remember this conversation and reflect back on lessons learned in life.
Let's do it! I hear it's nice pretty much year round, just gotta join me one of those gangs so I have some people to watch my back. I wonder if they even take white boys though...
