Ladies and Gentlemen, here is my dilemma. There's a bitch at work that has pushed me to the edge of my tolerance, and I need some ideas to get her fired before I kidnap the fucking prude, take her out on a boat, tie her to an anchor, and torture her until I get tired of it enough to just drop her into the fucking water. Basically, she's a Jehova's witness. Need I say more? You can't even fart in her presence without her bypassing the proper channels and going straight to the highest district manager and bitching... Irony - the fact that they play "Payback" by Slayer on the radio while I'm typing this fucking post... So, in essence, what I want to do to her is duct tape her to a chair, cut the flesh between her jaw and skull, and beat the shit out of her for hours on end while she tries to pray with a jaw that doesn't fucking work... ...But I might settle for some creative ideas on how to get her ass fired. Suggestions?
a) Kidnap her and take her to a garage/shed b) squeeze both of her tits between a vice (or two if you have them) c) break handle of vice so it can't be unwound d) give her a knife e) set the garage on fire.....
Is there a register she uses at your job?....shit might as well get paid and have her take the blame for the missing money while your at it...then you can do what that canadian bitch said to do with the vice and garage on fire.
Plant drugs on her, in her car, somewhere... Then report her for trying to sell it to you. Not only fired, but arrested too.
I dont know what you do, but if she uses a computer somehow fuck with it, change the start page to some porn or something like that. And then beat the shit of her with a baseball bat covered in nails and shit.
you have to have friends right? your lomo you have too. well you get a couple of your friends to claim that they saw her "display many sexual advances and after many no-thank-yous she still wouldnt leave and that you feel uncomfortable around her", almost always works. that or just tell your boss shes slandering your good name and have some buddies claim it too.if that doesnt work kill her anyways, smiles has a nice approch
I'd use her Jesus-freakness against her like this: enlist the cooperation of 3 friends unknown to her manager (that is, not known to *be* your friends)...at least one of whom is a female, two even better.... Have Friend #1 visit your establishment at a time when the target's on duty, and transact some normal business (buy/rent something, whatever) then loudly demand to see the manager. They complain loudly to the manager that the target annoyed them with unwelcome religious talk, solicited her to join her church, and forced some JW tracts on her (which they had secreted on them beforehand and now show the manager as evicence). They complain at length that they think it's entirely inappropriate for "religious whackos" to be using their place of employment for proselytizing, they don't care to frequent establishments who allow it, invasion of privacy and all that, violates the separation of church and retail, blah blah, etc, then exit huffily. Have Friend #2 visit the store about a week later and repeat the scene. Ideally, beforehand you'll have planted a stack of JW tracts somewhere near her workstation out of direct view, which Friend #2 points to for the manager's benefit: " Yes, she certainly DID hand me this crap - she pulled them from under the counter *right there*!" Repeats a huffy exit. If Incident #1 didn't produce any meaningful negative feedback from the manager, #2 in as many weeks certainly will (either the First Serious Warning or the Second & Final Warning). Friend #3 should visit just a few days later. Repeat the planted tracts inside, and -- if at all possible -- leaflet the wipers of all the cars in the employee parking lot with some extras...except hers. Somehow bring this condition to the manager's attention. If this doesn't get her canned, it's only because the manager is a JW, too.
Get her a job at Skitzo's nursery. The judas like leech will get her fired within a week with his yellow streaked furtive methods...
Good ideas, although I'm getting a nasty mental image when I even consider the 'advances' idea... They'd never believe the drugs bit, besides - it'd seem a shame to waste 'em... I like the pamphlet idea, though, it'd seem the most believable... Oh, and I already pissed in her locker, where she keeps her bible, eating utensils, pamphlets, and the holy employee handbook, so if anyone was going to suggest that one, don't bother - it's already covered...
Pay someone you know(if you dont wanna do it yourself) to follow her home and spraypaint all her car windows black then a white swastika in the middle of each one.
Hey its all your word againzt hers. Id complain thats shes doing all the JW crap on you. She breaching your human right not to be hassled by her religious beleifs. Get some JW books and leave them lying where your managers are going to find them to help back up your story.
right on, Mad Scot. she's infringing on your right to religious freedom and harrassing you. her religion has no place at your job. and dont do anything else illegal like pissing in her locker. make her the bad guy instead. you could always plant a little trinket from the store in her locker and accuse her of stealing though. i miss ewe sLOMO! xoxo
