A walk on the wild side. This is too scholarly to be satire. Culled from usenet many many years ago. === A Guide to Selecting a Female Animal for Fun and Friendship by BeastBoy Copyright 1993 BeastBoy All Rights Reserved INTRODUCTION I have often been asked by the would-be bestialist: "What kind of animal is the best?" A lot of the answer, of course, is personal taste, but many guys have little or no experience, and have no knowledge on which to base an opinion. An ideal situation would be to have one of each to experiment with, but in this day and age, few can have a place to keep farm animals, and fewer still can keep a selection of them. Therefore, I have written this paper, in which I will share some insights gained over more than 35 years of making love to animals of all common species. My opinions are my own, of course, but perhaps the information here will help lead you in the right direction. First there are some important things that are common to all animals: WHERE TO GET YOUR ANIMAL If you live in an area where you can have farm animals, there are bound to be one or more livestock auctions nearby. If you decide to attend, get there early and inspect the possibilities. A lot of this is just gut feel, since you will not likely get close enough to touch them. If you are going to bid on an animal, select one that has a sleek coat, bright eyes and an alert posture. A lot of auction animals have not been treated very well in their life, so they will be suspicious of humans and may be difficult to train. The best place to buy livestock is from a breeder. The cost will be higher, but you will be able to better evaluate the animal and find out something about her history. You will be able to get a "hands on" inspection, so be sure to briefly get a hand under her tail and see how she reacts to having her pussy and asshole touched. You can usually do this without being too obvious. Besides, breeders understand that when someone is buying breeding stock, it is acceptable to examine the animal's genitals. When looking for a bitch, keep in mind that it is getting more and more difficult to find an intact bitch due to city and county regulations about spaying and neutering. You will most likely have to go to a breeder to get one, and adult bitches are difficult to find. Even when you locate one, it is difficult to know how she was raised and treated and trained. If you are set on buying a dog, the best and most sure approach is to buy a puppy and raise and train her yourself. KNOW YOUR ANIMAL Once you have made your selection and purchase, and have gotten your new animal home, don't expect success in screwing her five minutes after arriving home. Unless she has had sex with a guy before, her natural instinct will be to resist. This is not the same kind of resistance that a woman would have, but just an instinctive reaction to another animal (you) having access to certain parts of her body. First, you should let your animal find out about her surroundings and get comfortable with her new home. Most animals are quite sensitive to changing homes, and if you try to approach her too soon, she will probably react unfavorably. After she gets used to her new home, she will need to get used to you. You can start by just being around her a lot. When you feed her, stay in her immediate vicinity. It won't take long for her to realize that you are not a predator, and will allow you to be near. Then you have to get her used to your touch. Scratch her where she can't reach. Brush her with an appropriate comb. Most animals, unless they have been the victims of abuse, will take to this type of intimacy very quickly. All these things will also make you much less likely to get bit, kicked or stomped. The real secret of success with animals is to be able to put yourself on their level and understand things from their point of view. This is not a degrading thing to do, it's just different. The friendship you develop with your animal will not happen overnight, but it will happen. Soon you will be able to touch her anywhere without her flinching, and she will trust you. Now, when you take your clothes off and eat her out or fuck her, it's just an extension of things she is already used to. Most "authorities" lump sex with animals in the same thought as pedophilia. They view both activities as a "violation of the innocent". While that may be true in pedophilia, when it comes to animals nothing could be further from the truth. Animals do not consider sex to be any more important than eating, sleeping or any of their other activities. It is a totally instinctive thing that is hard-wired into their id. The main reason animals breed is because of this instinct. The female animal of most species don't really get to enjoy it because the male is in and out in a matter or seconds. This is because of the hard-wiring again. If animals didn't breed fast in the wild, they would be at a distinct disadvantage if they were caught in the act by a passing predator. You have a unique opportunity with the female animal. By providing her with long sessions of sensations and pleasures that she probably has never had before, she will come to enjoy the act more and more. You will be bringing her up to your level, not the other way around. If you are aspiring to be a true bestialist, you need to use all your resources. Use your tongue, fingers and cock in every pleasurable way you can think of. Don't just fuck her, but make love to her. Engage in foreplay with her. Fondle her all over, play with her tits, give her plenty of oral sex. You will be bonded that much closer to her every time and your eventual orgasm will be much more intense. Some readers may resist going to this extent. If you don't go to this extent, I believe it will be a loss for both of you. Once you have finished having your fun, don't just put you pants on and leave. A little afterplay is good. Pet her and talk to her. Gently clean your cum off her if need be. Give her a treat, such as a handful of grain, fed from your hand. All this will only strengthen your bond with the animal. SHARING YOUR ANIMAL Most guys keep their animal activities to themselves, probably because of prejudice, fear or the feeling that they are all alone in their desires. I always thought so too, but I was fortunate to find some friends who taught me that bestiality is much more erotic and fun when shared with a buddy. Of course, many guys are insecure and not interested in group scenes. My advice is to try it if the opportunity presents itself. There's nothing quite like a "barn party" with four or five guys standing around jacking off, watching you screw whatever is available, and waiting their turns. Sloppy fifths is something you will not soon forget. If you weren't an exhibitionist before, you will be after that! You don't have to worry about your performance in this situation. Animals will not look down on you or laugh if you can't do the deed. Fellow animal lovers will also understand. If you are the only one who has sex with your animal, then you should have no fear of catching any diseases. Animals have their own brand of venereal disease, and except for very rare circumstances, is not transmittable to humans. Also, you cannot give her anything you might have. If you are sharing your animal, it may not be a good idea to eat her after your buddy gets off in her, even though the higher body temperature should kill any bugs that might be in the sperm. Nothing is absolutely safe, so just follow common sense and good hygiene. One thing you need to find out is how your animal will react to being shared. Sometimes, she may have developed such a bond with you that she will be unwilling to take on someone else. That is a rarity, but does happen. Some animals may not like the prolonged session that will result with two or more guys sharing them, while others get hotter as you go, and can't get enough. This is something that you must determine through experimentation. If it becomes obvious that your sharing is stressing your animal, then stop. Again, a true animal lover will understand this situation too. Keeping your animal happy. You will eventually learn all of your animal's moods. Some animals can be quite moody at times, and if you don't recognize this, your chances of being bit, kicked or stomped are greatly increased. Some days they might not want you around at all, other days they can't get enough of you. Don't force yourself on her when she is in one of these anti-human states. Give her some respect, and she will be happy and more than willing later. Most farm animals don't get a great deal of attention from humans, except for things the animal does not like... vaccinations, branding, etc. It follows that most farm animals are not very happy. The best thing you can do to keep your animal happy is to be around her, talk to her, brush and clean her. You will find that the actual sex is a very small percentage of your total involvement. Keeping her clean will also make things better for you. It would be really tough for even a seasoned bestialist to get interested in oral sex with a cow that has been on pasture all summer. Clean the corners of her eyes, and her nose. Brushing and combing are good for body cleaning, and use some warm water and very mild soap to clean her udder and genitals. Of course, these things might get you turned on, so you may want to follow up with some hot sex. Another factor that will keep your animal happy is proper housing. Build a home and provide an exercise area appropriate to your animal. There is really no reason to build your structure air tight, unless you live in an area that has forty below winters. Farm animals are designed to live outdoors. As long as you provide them with a place to get in out of the wind, they will be happy. For example, if you live in cold regions of the world such as in the northern parts of the United States, or in Canada, consider heaters in the building, and more insulation. Make sure she has an adequate supply of fresh water all the time. Use a tank heater in the winter (have you ever tried to get a drink through six inches of ice?). Feed her quality feeds and be picky about who you buy hay and grain from. Another thing to bear in mind about housing for your animal: It needs to meet your requirements also. Obviously, it needs to be private, so solid doors are a must. It needs to be large enough that you will be able to enjoy your fun without a lot of encumbrances. There should be storage for lubricants, paper towels, and any other paraphernalia you might need. You will also need a place to keep larger things like stools to stand on, if necessary, and maybe some knee pads to kneel on. Remember that a barn is usually a dusty environment, so storage areas need to be enclosed. Have some hooks or hangers for clothes. If you are into photography or video, you may need power outlets. Build the best structure you can for your budget. Barns are homes away from home for a bestialist. KEEP YOUR ANIMAL HEALTHY Animal health is a very gray area for a lot of people. If you do not know something about the physiology and biology of your animal, then go buy a book and learn about it. Learn to recognize signs of distress, and when to worry and when not to. Pick a veterinarian and stick with him or her (hir). Call hir if you think it is necessary. Inspect your animal daily for signs of damage. They all get nicks, cuts and bruises. Keep some alcohol, cotton, "breathable" tape and other veterinary supplies handy just in case. Make sure she gets her yearly vaccinations. Every species has different needs, and it is essential that you learn the basics. COMMENTS ABOUT SOME SPECIES These comments are based mostly on my personal experience. After these comments, I will try to make a recommendation. BITCHES My own experiences with bitch dogs has not been very good. They generally have very tight and dry pussies, and require a lot of tongue work to get them opened up. Even then, they have a bone a couple of inches in that prevents you from sticking your dick straight in. You have to angle up and over to get by this bone. Their height is generally too low to have sex with them while you are standing up, and too high to have sex with them while you are kneeling. The best way to have sex with a bitch is to put her in bed and lay down behind her. The best sex I ever had with a bitch was one time when I took sloppy seconds from a friend. However, in general, I would have to rate bitches as generally unsatisfactory. GOATS Goats are very friendly animals, and seem to crave attention and companionship from people. They love to play, and sometimes will spend as much time as you want playing. If you want to do this, get a goat with no horns! The larger breeds are about the same size as a large dog, so they are not too convenient to mount. They can be trained to lay down, so you can put them in bed, but will not take to this as fast as a dog. A goat can be a great screw if you are not too well hung. Their pussies look quite small, but a lot of tonguing will open them up, and they don't have the bone like a dog. The entire genital area of the goat has very velvety skin, and a lot of time can be spent licking her pussy, asshole and the underside of her tail. I have found that you can get your cock in OK, but the goat does not seem to have a very deep pussy. I tend to bottom out. Goats shit a lot, but the turds are small and hard and you can just brush them out of the way. The sphincter muscles of the goat are fairly weak, so you can easily butt fuck them too. (That is, of course, if they let you. Consent is everything in animal love.) Personally, I prefer the black Nubian breed. What a sexy looking animal! Be sure to do proper housing for your goat. They can jump a great distance. I've seen one clear a six foot fence from a standing start. SHEEP When someone who is not into the scene hears about sex with animals, almost invariably they think of sheep. So many shepherds have told so many stories over the years. My experience tells me that this reputation is probably well deserved. Their main disadvantage is their size... they are not convenient to mount. They are fairly easy to get into bed. Once a sheep thinks she is trapped, most of them will give up and stop any struggling. Every time, I am concerned about that and it is a little distracting, because I do not wish to "trap" any animal for my own pleasure. Pleasure must be mutual for me to enjoy it. Anyway, sheep body shapes allow you to get them on their backs and fuck them belly to belly -- and kiss them while your at it! Sheep tend to have burrs, stickers and other undesirable things in their coats. I recommend keeping them shorn. Even then, their wool produces a lot of lanolin, so you can expect to come away feeling a little oily. The thing that really recommends the sheep is the pussy. It's as though it was specifically designed for bestiality minded guys. It is tight, wet, and seemingly bottomless. It's also a good pussy for eating. Don't worry if you are hung like a mule, the sheep will accommodate you just fine. Sheep don't have a very strong sphincter muscle, so you can easily fuck them up the ass also. SOWS My experiences with a sow have been a little less than satisfactory. The one I had was quite large, around 600 pounds and (you guessed it) fat as a pig! She just was not very attractive to me. Once I got into her, her pussy was very hot and clinging, and she was really a pretty good fuck. Sows are difficult to mount due to their size, and at that weight you can't exactly pick them up and lay them down. I found that if I spread my legs way out and balanced on her back, I could get to her pussy fairly well. Big sows are quite strong, and they won't stand for you unless they want to. It's difficult to tie one because ropes just slip over their head. One nice thing about sows is that when they are in heat, all they want is to get fucked. You can easily tell by putting pressure on their back. If they assume a more sexual stance, and appear to be a little paralyzed, you have a hot sow! I would like to have more opportunities with sows, but have not had the chance. At various livestock shows I have noticed that the prize sows were trim and fit at around 150 pounds, and very sexy looking. I would not kick one of those out of bed! COWS Cows are easy and fairly cheap to get, fun to fuck, and easy to sell for what you paid for them. This is probably the reason they are a favorite on many farms. Cows that are kept for sex are usually fed grain and hay rather than being pastured. Pasture feeding a cow will usually bring on a lot of diarrhea. Cows are not attractive to most people when their whole rear end is covered in dried shit. Grain feeding eliminates this problem. Cows have wonderfully warm and slimy pussies, and are very good eating. Unfortunately, to get the best fuck from them, you have to be hung a little better than average. Those of you less well endowed can try out the four-month old heifers. The younger heifers can be fucked while standing flat footed, but the adult cows will require something to stand on. One of the best things about cows is that the pussy is not buried way down between heavy muscled ass cheeks; it usually hangs out a little from their body. When you are eating cow pussy, you can get your tongue really deep. When fucking them, you can stick you balls and everything in there. If you have friends watching, it's also easier for everyone to see what's going on. Cows seem to have an endless supply of shit inside, and love to release it just when you are about ready to come and not in the mood to pull away. When the cow is grain fed, the turds are hard and this is generally not a problem. For the pasture fed cows, the closest thing I can think of is the feeling of a few gallons of warm spaghetti sauce running over your belly and down your legs. Cows love to piss a lot also. If you like to eat pussy, like the avid bestialist, and you're on your knees behind the cow, you run the risk (or the pleasure, depending on how you look at it) of being drenched at any moment with about two gallons of hot cow piss. I have found this to be an enormous turn-on, but if you personally have a problem with being pissed- on and occasionally shit-on by your animal, you will probably want to own something other than cows. MARES Mares are fairly easy to fuck, and you will need a crate or stool that will bring you up to their level. They take to being trained to stand still very quickly. Mares have an unusual feature in their pussies that allows them to voluntarily contract some muscles that result in a "winking" effect. Some mares have such a strong winking that you can hear the snap when they do it. This feature makes mares absolutely the best eating pussy on the planet. Of course, mares run the whole gamut from cold fish to incredibly hot sex machines. You will have to experiment to find out where your mare fits in. If you are lucky enough to have one of the hot ones, it means that she will be winking and squirting fluid and making obscene squishing noises when being fucked. This helps make up for the fact that they do have large pussies, and unless you are well equipped, you might not get enough friction to get off. The squishing and winking might give you a psychological advantage though... since she would also exhibit these actions when being fucked by a stallion, you can think of yourself as a stallion, and that can give you an enormous boost! Miniature horses have all the same attributes as the full size ones, except they are too small to ride. For the average hung dude, one of these might be the way to go. You will probably still get the winking and squishing, but with a much tighter pussy, you will have a sex partner to die for. Also, you can fuck the miniatures flat-footed. Mares seldom dump or piss during the action, so you can concentrate on getting your rocks off. CONCLUSION Based on all the foregoing, I highly recommend mares as the best animal partner that can be had. If you get a full size one, you have the added pleasure of being able to saddle her up and go for a ride. In addition, a mare would not be out of place in a non-farm area. Lots of residential areas permit horses, but not other farm animals. End of dissertation... remember, play safe, have fun, and fuck like a mink because it will be all too soon when you will not be able to do it any more. Thank you. End
Yeah, I kow. Reding ritiing annd rithmatid, 2hard d00d. Its a fucking story. All of 500 words. And beyond you're attention span. You've proven youreself [cunt]
Apparantly we have to read everything this pleb posts we are not aloud to pick what we wanna read and dismiss what we don't,who is this dick is it danza's long lost gay retarded brother?
It is someone that thinks that Beastality, Scat, Snuff, and other old news fetishes are SOOOO SHOCKING. i.e. Shit that stopped "shocking" us or even keeping our interest years and years ago.... Fugly gives you a huge collective YAWN.
Its about time martin put an ignore feature on this forum for cocks like him,how many times are we gonna go through this some newbie dick who things his intellect is supieror to everyone elses and his views so shocking,cunt you make my balls ache.
And please cuntface please dont come out with a predictable gay comment cos of the 'ball ache' comment i dont think i could take that.
I confess, I did read a little of the article. I stopped at the line that said, "The real secret of success with animals is to be able to put yourself on their level." Hello? Put myself on the level of a pig or sheep? Does that sound like something GOOD? It is confirmed. I live a pathetically sheltered life. Barry
Drugs yeh but shagging animals no bazza i think your probably better off having a shelterd life than finding yourself in the middle of a field at 2 in the morning with your trolleys round your ankles,although sheep shagging is something im palnning on trying when the doc tells me i have 6 months to live.
