...chichi squeezed his cock.. teasing the last drops of his holified jism into the 100th ampoule he had filled that morning... he had gotten word to schmed that he needed to meet up with psychobob.. and was instructed to await schmedly's arrival... schmed had his own method of aviation which unfortunately wouldn't work for chichi.. but chichi had described his own travel method in the IM conversation.. and needed schmed's help to put it into action... chichi sat in his back garden on a deckchair taking the opportunity to soak up some rarified british sunshine.. he was wearing the obligatory cool shades and not much else (sunscreen)... suddenly out the corner of his eye he spied a black dot which was growing bigger by the second... "ahh that'll be spideyschmed" chichi thought aloud.. "better get the batyjamas on and pop a nitrazepam" as chichi was pulling on his batman pyjamas and pouring a cup of cocoa schmed landed with an almighty thud in chichi's garden... "hmm.. think i need a little landing practise... hey pimp.. lucky those plants were there to break my fall" "glad you could make it schmed old buddy" chichi said through gritted teeth.. surveying the damage to his white widow crop "i've made my preperations, there's the trippy potnoodle mould.. now i'm gonna shoot off to the land of nod.. you know what to do when i get there?"... "sure pimp" replied schmed "when the ****ucinogenic mouldy shit starts peaking.. i got to enter your dreamscape to remind you what the hell we have to do.. then you'll use your dreamy flying type power crap to get us over to floridia... now you sure you can fly us both over there?" "of course i'm sure" replied chichi "i gots my batman suit on don't i?" "but batman can't fly dude" said schmed looking worried "details schmetails.. don't fucking worry man.. we'll be in MY fucking mindscape.. don't underestimate the power" schmed nodded.. he looked over at chichi in his tight-fitting suit and scolded himself for ever doubting the pimpsters immense dreamcontrol... he just hoped an opportunity would present itself for a spot of jelly wrestling between batpimp and spiderschmed before the world got saved.. or destroyed.. whichever the case may be..... chichi downed the last dregs of his steaming hot cocoa and settled into slumber....
bob awoke feeling the cold metal of transphazeinducingde-mouseifier still claped tightly in his sweaty palms. he looked around blinking until things started to come into focus. he was crouched in a large smoldering crater, small flames still licked some of the 100's of corpses nerby. 'guess i missed another great party' he mutterered to himself. he dragged is limp form to an almost upright position and tried to rember where he had parked the car. was there a car? thinking hard, bob was unable to recall the previous evening as had happened so many times in his short life. he wasent surrounded by his usual 'concept art' of delicately placed empty tinnys so he concluded that last night had not been alcohol induced. His mouth felt almost normal, his tounge still worked and he wasent on a comedown 'hmmm was'nt class a eather' he examined the weapon he still clutched, unable to release the vice like grip. it was obviously jury-rigged for a greater purpose but that eluded him now. he recognised a few elements of it; the compressor from his fridge, the "go forever" batteries from his sundial & his favorite novelty condom (fully machine washable). why had he/them constructed this device? why did he always wake up surrounded by carnage? what had he done that was sooo bad in his life that gahhhd would never again let him awaken in the comforts of a real bed (inc plastic undersheet) with some crackwhore? there was a whistleing sound coming from the north, he squinted his eye's against the suns eternal glare and could vagly see two objects travelling at high speed toward him. a cold shivver passed through his body... was it darth (intergaltic smack dealer) vader and his 4000year comedown partner yoda? 'shit fuck cunt bastard' his mind raced trying to find an appopriate excuse for running up a huge phone bill (dialing intergalitically) and eating all the ice creme when he crashed round the star that time. relief spread over his body as the figures came into view, it wasent darth and yoda it was.....
..the rescue rangers.. chip an' dale... bob met them a few days previously.. they all got hammered on narcotics and alcohol and made a giant net from cheesey-strings for bobs mickey-mouse hunting expedition... bob had been slightly bemused for the last two days over where the net had ended up... but on seeing these two cuntrags it became clear what happened... the pair of buck-toothed bastards had eaten his net after an attack of the munchies..... the cheese/string substitute was chock full of chemical preservatives and colours and flavours ... it was clear from the strange way they hurled themselves in the direction they'd headed that they had both had a massive overdose of artificial cheese.. which was unsurprising when he remembered that 35lbs of the stuff went into making the net...
Nothing was in view....nothing but darkness, which had a sense of substance, almost as if one was underwater, viewing what might have been a serpent, or a man approaching.... When Ulfur Engil awoke, from some episode, before trying to fix his vision, he tried to recollect what had happened....the derangment of a psychotic Englishman, the sweetness of an Arabic nurse.....the perversedly submissive midget, the two heroes flying in their costumes (but neither had wings), the diabolical plot of a drunkard and his less than adept brother....the names, their harmony with what could only have been the key to the two portals, that which is of flesh and beyond flesh.... But now, only darkness engulfed. Ulfur had no idea where he was, when it was....he could not even surmise whether he was standing, floating, sinking, flying, falling....there was no sensation, no embodiment. He could not see, but he could detect something, or someone walking close.. "Ulfur Engil..." "Who in the Hell is that?" "Very astute of you..." Ulfur was confused. The voice continued: "You sought me out, did you not?" "No....wait....I don't know." "You found the key....you found my name....you uttered it. You are here of your own request." The revelation hit him. Something beyond terror, beyond joy, beyond rage, hate, love hit him....had he discovered a new emotion? Maybe he had better ask the source...he knows. He knows more than any of us. He will have the answer to EVERYTHING.... Ulfur begins to ask that question which will answer all: "Um.....Satan?" "Yes?"
[Hi! I'm bailing back in now] Back at auntie Em's, little Andy was just recovering from his electric shock therapy. He lay on the rubber mattress with a dazed faraway look in his pretty blue eyes. "There, there my brave little soldier. You did very well. Look! No poopity doo's all over the place this time...i think Andy should get a little treat today!" Andy lifted his head and saw that he wasn't, as was usually the case after a session, lying on a urine and shit smeared mattress. Auntie Em finished dressing Andy, pinched his little freckly cheeks and kissed him, then placed the nipple clamps, conductor gel and gloves back into their box and scurried down to the kitchen. Andy sat up and started to pick his nose. He sat wiping the slimey little blobs on the wall (which always caused him to achieve a hypnotic state of tranquility) for a good fifteen minutes until something broke his trance. "Andeeee! ANdeeeee! He'll be down in just a moment, just sit yourself down Jules" Andy could hear his friend Julian downstairs in the kitchen cheerfully chatting to auntie Em, and went down to find out what was going on. "Here he is! Look who i called to come over and play with you!" said auntie Em. "Hel-lllllo" said Julian in his cheery sing-songy voice. "And look!" said Aunt Em. "A special treat for being such a clever boy! You and Jules can have lots of fun this afternoon.." Then Andy spotted it. "Oooooh! Wicked AS!" he squealed while Julian giggled enthusiastically. Andy ran over to the table and wrapped his arms around the large melon that was sitting there. "You want to play with the melonie lady with me Jules?" he beamed. "Let's knock our bells together in Mel!" cried Jules, punching his dainty little fist in the air. Auntie Em laughed and started to help Julian and Andy off with their trousers. The boys positioned their healthy, young developing manhoods in either side of the 'melon lady' and, smiling gleefully at one another, started to gentley pump the fruit which made a rhythmic, wet,squelchy noise. Auntie looked proudly on, smiling heartily at the gleeful expressions on the youngsters fresh faces. "That should keep you little monkeys out of trouble!" she chuckled...and Andy piped up "you're the best aunt in the world, Em" then turned his concentration back to maintaining a good, steady rhythm with Jules... [ 09-07-2003: Message edited by: Nursey ]
""Um.....Satan?" "Yes?" Ulfur threw his hair over his shoulder. "SATANNN..." he bellowed... "Satannnn..........i betrothed myself to thee!" Ulf nodded and jutted his jaw out a little, his brow furled in hurt non-comprehension. "Satan....wherefore art thou been?" Ulfur's steely blue eyes squinted as they tried to pierce the veil of inky blackness that swirled menacingly around him. A hissing and dry sounding 'CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK' resounded throughout the darkness conjuring up images of writhing snakes and insects scuttling over each other in Ulf's mind. Suddenly a booming ear bursting laughter erupted and with it a hideous rotting sulphurous stench filled the air causing Ulfur to double up gasping and spluttering - clutching at his throat which seared with pain as did his nostrils and eyes. HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH HA HA HA HA! HAAAA! and Ulfur heard his own voice repeating the words he had just spoken but in a hideous mocking cacophany...and in a thousand different tones and speeds, "SATANNNsatanSATANNN WheREfoRe aRt THOU beEn? (i beTROTHed MyseLf To) SATANNNNNNN satan wherefore SaTaNNNNNNbetrOtheDwheREFOre...." Ulfur's skin was now writhing as if it was filled...bristling with maggots. The voices intensified in volume and discordancy until the soundwaves in the atmosphere reached saturation point causing Ulfur to collapse and violently vomit up the contents of his stomach from the bowels up in the most ultimate crippling pain...pain which could only be described as being on a molecular level...caused by the very fabric of his being -the fabric woven by the One True GAHHHD himself, being torn -sacriligeously - in two. "MY LITTLE PRINCE...MY BLUSHING BRIDE! DON'T YOU SEEEEE? ALL THE TIME YOU SPENT PINING,THOUGHT I WASN'T THERE, I WAS, VERY CLOSE BY...VERRRY CLOSE BY INDEED! PRESSED RIGHT UP BEHIND YOU WITH MY EIGHTEEN FOOT PREHENSILE COCK BEAST FILLING YOUR VESSEL WITH SEED!!!!" At this, the contorted Ulfur let out a long, loud groaning bellow, like a magnificent, fallen bison receiving its final, agonising death blow from a pack of crazed hyenas........ [ 09-10-2003: Message edited by: Nursey ]
...and then, the vision ended. Ulfur awoke in a meadow, where the sky was somewhere between dawn and rain....it was impossible to discern the time of day. It was a greyness which was not light, and not night. The reeds spoke..."GAHHD.....SATAN.....WHICH NAME DO YOU CHOOSE FOR ME???" Ulfur said nothing, thought nothing...he proceeded to stand up, and noticing two images flying through the semi-awake mist, sprouted THREE pairs of wings, and flew up to join them....remember, the second half of his name IS Engil...(Angel). Pimp and Schmed exclaimed, "Ulfur! Glad you could join us, Wolven Seraph!" "And Ulf, where is our Lady?" they asked. "Ummm...." Ulfur thought, and remembered...."Oh hell...the romance novel cover..." Was it a dream after all?
Right before taking flight, Ulfur thinks about the novel cover, and smiles silently and contentedly. "No....well, that's a comfort."
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Ulfur Engil: Right before taking flight, Ulfur thinks about the novel cover, and smiles silently and contentedly. "No....well, that's a comfort."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ...then took flight off to the beach to find Nursey. He leapt into the dodge-vipe and screeched off, arm out the window and punching the air "WHOOO-HOOOOO!". He could see the coast up ahead and started envisioning his silicon enhanced, subjugated cock adorner sitting rubbing glistening globs of sun milk into her firm, rotund designer cum-baps. An all but audible immense, 'tree-like' groan emanated from his tight, shiney black pants. "Easy there, big guy! You'll be out of there soon." thought Ulf with one reassuring, strong hand steadying his now pounding meaty warrior. Ulfur screeched into a lay-by at the side of the road, then grabbing his sun-in™, his chest expander and a MEGA-TOWEL™, charged headlong down the path from the road towards the shore to claim his prize. His mighty cannonballs swung painfully as he ran, slapping his steely, muscular thighs which pumped at maximum velocity to carry the explosive penile munitions to their designated target...the soft petalled, heady fuck-bud between the Nursey legs. Emerging from the path out onto the beach, Ulf dropped his belongings and threw his fists up to the sky and bellowed "ULFER HAS ARRIVED!" Nothing broke the sound of the waves apart from the faint cries of seagulls in the distance. Ulf's eye twitched slightly and again he shouted.."COME, NURSE CHICK, AND SERVE YOUR GUY!" Still, nothing apart from the reeds gently rustling in the sea breeze. Ulfur's fists slowly submitted to gravity and his head turned each way to scan along the coast for his buxom, jiggling trophy, but saw only endless slabs of smooth, non-fuckable black rocks. Ulfur whipped out his wap phone and checked page one of 'Story' thread again...at that moment a faint rumble sounded signifying his balls, (which went into violent, jolting spasms), were no longer able to contain the primordial force a moment longer, filling Ulf's pants with a copious quantity of sticky, warm mucous. Then, his balls shrunk and his heart sunk at the harrowing realisation that he, in his manly haste had overlooked one word... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote ...one word which, at the moment in time it entered his head, he would have passed up in favour of a bullet. But no. He must not think that way. This wasn't the end...it was the beginning...of a quest... to create the perfect future model shoot/sexual coupling of his dreams... [ 10-19-2003: Message edited by: Nursey ]
....Upon waking, Ulfur rises from his bed, finding bits of sand and coral tangled in his hair. "What the hell was I doing last night?" Becoming annoyed with having no recollection of yet another crazy evening, he stumbles into the kitchen, and pours a cup of coffee. Taking his cup, he moves over to the window, and watches the sun rising, thinking to himself.... "Now, that was an odd dream...."
After masturbating to his favourite Dallas episode ( the one where Bobby takes off his belt and uses it to whip Victoria Principle until she poutily begs him to show her the full meaning of womanhood as can only be demonstrated by a guy of his, or indeed Ulfur's calibre, ending in a sparks flying, ec-static, nylon negligéd and intertwining blow-dried hairdos steamy love scene ) Ulfur receives a phonecall. It is Nursey, who in her deep, smouldering tones informs Ulfur that the 'Story' thread is kind of fucked due to the jumbled sequence of posts, ( some of which are missing significantly large chunks ) due to the switch over to the new forum. What the fucking hellll was going to happen now!?!!
If I had read this thread before I ever started in the others, I probably would not have started in the others. This is some deep depravity. Confirms my suspicions that Pimp Daddy and Nursey are multiple personalities of the same person. Kind of like a GOOD/BAD - YING/YANG thing. Wow. Who would have thunk it? Barry
They aren't Barry.There have been pics posted of both of them on here and i have spoken to both as well.
Look UT, thanks for trying, but let's face it - the game's up. When someone can come along and suss you and your entire vast plethora of psychosis' out from just reading your posts on an internet message board after only one week, it's time to call it a day. Well done Barry. I knew it had to come to and end eventually, i'm just glad that it was someone as thoroughly grounded in reality that nailed it as you so obviously are. *hops off in straightjacket to headbutt my 'meds' down the toilet.*
