Jokes

A man with no arms or legs in slumped on the beach one day, about 7 pm, when 3 beautiful young girls walk up to him and take pity.
The first, a busty blonde asks him
"Have you ever been kissed?"
"No" he replies.
And straight away she kisses him on the cheek.
The second, a firey redhead asks him
"have you ever been hugged?"
"No" he replies
And again, straight away she wraps her arms around him.
The third, a pouty brunette asks him
"Have you ever been fucked?"
His eyes light up and he replies No as fast as he can.
"Well you are now, the tide's coming in".

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One night Sherlock Homles and Watson are out camping.
Around one in the morning, Sherlock nudges Watson as says
"Watson, Look up at the stars and tell me, what do you think?"
"Well, Sherlock, on one hand it tells me we are but tiny beings in the whole of God's creation.And on a similar note it also tells me that we, earth, are but a tiny speck on all of the universe.But tell me, Sherlock, what does it tell you?"
"Watson, Somebody's nicked the tent."

-------------------------

Two photographers for NG are on the serengetti, shutter mashing the lions.
And suddenly, the largest Male of the pride, with a giant made of red hair stands up and starts to roar at the, and advance in their direction.One camera man throws down his camera and takes of his boots and changes into some nike running shoes.
His friend tells him
"Don't bother. You'll never outa lion in a pair of those."
"Fuck the lion ,mate, I'm out running out"


enjoy...

 

old- crap and a load of absolute bollox
where did you get this crap ????
of you mudder????

 

the first one was relatively funny
the second one was just lame and poorly stated

the third one makes you look like this:

 

old, old and badly told.. in that order

 

ah, sorry if the jokes don't come up to the:
racism
necrophilia
peadophilia
and prejudism standards.

 

rather

coherance
wit
slapstick
oh yes, predudice is always funny too.

 

i don't particularly like racist, necrophilic, paedophilic or prejudiced jokes... but i do like original well told jokes

 

which i guess is why i don't really visit the jokes forum often

 

herd them b4 and when i did they were told beta

 

Thai's bad jokes came from an english mag (cant remember which 1) and his quote came from Bottom - Hooligans Island where the seagull shits on Eddie. u twat

 

I dont get the last one, maybe i shoud smoking all that weed

 

For what it's worth, I think he was trying to say that the person with the shoes was going to outrun the guy asking the question. Doesn't make it much funnier, but fuck it. My $0.02...