(apologies for the caps, I'm too fucked up to bother with fixing it.) A PASSENGER IN A TAXI TAPPED THE DRIVER ON THE SHOULDER TO ASK HIM A QUESTION. THE DRIVER SCREAMED, LOST CONTROL OF THE CAB, NEARLY HIT A BUS, DROVE UP OVER THE CURB, AND STOPPED JUST INCHES FROM A LARGE PLATE GLASS WINDOW. FOR A FEW MOMENTS EVERYTHING WAS SILENT IN THE CAB, THEN THE DRIVER SAID, "PLEASE, DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN. YOU SCARED THE DAYLIGHTS OUT OF ME". THE PASSENGER, WHO WAS ALSO FRIGHTENED, APOLOGIZED AND SAID HE DIDN'T REALIZE THAT A TAP ON THE SHOULDER COULD FRIGHTEN HIM SO MUCH. THE DRIVER REPLIED, "I'M VERY SORRY, IT'S REALLY NOT YOUR FAULT AT ALL.TODAY IS MY FIRST DAY DRIVING A CAB. I'VE BEEN DRIVING A HEARSE FOR THE LAST 25 YEARS."
Heard this at work tonight. A guy came in from work one day looking rather miserable. "What's wrong?" Asks his wife, "Oh, nothing" He says. This went on for a few hours, until after they had finished dinner she demands to know what's wrong with him. "Well it's like this. Our sex life is...erm.. it's quite.. well, um...boring. THERE! I said it. Sorry but it is" The wife was taken aback, "Waddaya mean by that?" "We've been married for years, same positions, same time each week, I just don't enjoy it as much as I used to." "So what do you propose then?" Says the wife, more than a little upset. "This" He says, dropping a tattered copy of the kama sutra in front of her. "What's this?" "This, my love, is an ancient book of Chinese origin dating back lots of years, illustrating every sexual position known to man. One of the lads at work gave it to me, I just thought we could try something out of it to spice up our sex life a little. Why don't I just drop the book on the table and let's try whatever page opens." "Oh.. ok then.." She says reluctantly. Down goes the book and opens on a page called THE WHEELBARROW. "What do we have to do?" Askes wifey. "Get yer kit off, and lie on the floor face down. I will come round from behind and lift you up by the legs, it says here we have to walk forward fucking, you walking on your hands" "Ok, I will do it with two conditions" "What are they?" "one, if it hurts, you must stop." "Ok," He says, "and the other?" "Don't take me past my mothers" Dunno if you yanks will get this, but I thought it was funny. And if you didn't you can fuck off cos it was a cunt to type.
fuck man, that was utterly shit. try to beat this one! "There are 10 people in this world. those who understand binary, and those who dont" HAAAARRRR!!!
