A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things..... 1 - The bartender is a blonde girl. 2 - The bouncer is a blonde gal. 3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter. 5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber runs out of a bank and shoots her three times in the abdomen. Luckily, the babies were OK. But surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate. The woman gives birth to 2 healthy daughters and a healthy son. They were fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asks the mother. "I was urinating and this bullet came out", replied the daughter. The mother tells her it's OK and explains what happened 16 years ago. About a week later, the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was urinating and this bullet came out"! Again the mother tells her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago. A week later, her son walked into the room in tears. "It's OK, says the Mom, "I know what happened...you were urinating and a bullet came out right"? "No" says the boy...."I was masturbating and I shot the dog!"
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating Ireland's draw with Germany. Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy"....Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then." Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. “Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. "Shoite, Shoite!" He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He falls flat on his face. "Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked," he says. He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way". He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "Fock it" and falls into bed. The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?". Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' p*ssed. But how'd you know?" "Mick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub."
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 6 year old daughter naturally took an interest in all of the activity going on next door and started talking to the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew, gems in the rough all of them, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them during coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with a crew building a house." "My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again next week, too?" The little girl replied, "I will if those useless sons of bitches at Home Depot ever bring us any drywall that's worth a shit."
A teacher was having her students all stand up one by one to tell the class what their fathers did for a living. Mary stands up and says "My daddy is a firefighter. He helps people when their houses are on fire." "Very good Mary" the teacher replied. Paul stands up and says "My daddy is a doctor, he helps people when their sick." "Very good Paul" the teacher replied. After the kids stand up the teacher realizes that little Jimmy didn't stand up. "Jimmy why didn't you stand up and tell us what your father does" Jimmy stands up and says "My daddy is dead" "Oh Jimmy I'm so sorry, why don't you tell us what he did before he died?" Jimmy thinks for a moment then says "well...he turned blue and took a $hit on the carpet." Ah-Thank-You
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Tiffany: "well...he turned blue and took a $hit on the carpet." Ah-Thank-You<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> its okay to say shit, you fucking moron... i don't know you, but I already hate you
O I'm soooo sad you stupid dickheads dont like me. ::wipes a tear:: Go put your helmets back on and try not to run into anymore walls okay?
thats just stupid all of them they're all just stupid and so are the people who thought they we're funny....and dont talk shit about my helmet bitch.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="verdana">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Tiffany: O I'm soooo sad you stupid dickheads dont like me. ::wipes a tear:: Go put your helmets back on and try not to run into anymore walls okay? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> hey if you ask me, it looks like you are the one who needs the "tard" helmet:
