my dad was on MTV cribs... showing off a fancy coffee pot saying.. "lookah here, if I get up at 6am, I set my coffee pot to start making the coffee at 5:55am." everyone was in amazement and I was pissed saying "He bought it at WalMart!!!... whoopity fuckin do"
Thanks for the laugh this morning. You should keep a journal of stories like that you could do stand-up.
what was funny, I told my dad today about my dream...He said he bought a new coffee maker on Tuesday, his old one broke on Sunday. Then he started bragging about it....like he was in my dream. "well it aint no Walmart Coffee Maker, I got this at Sears ... its a ______ model _____ makes ___cups in _____minutes, has the auto maker like my old one, Stainless Steel finish... bla bla bla" That mother fucker went on and on forever... He did not find the uniqueness that I dreamed it... and have not talked to him.... he made fun of it and called me "sandy brown" but he meant Sylvia Brown... and the fact he started bragging like he did in my dream was just funny. Then got on the subject of his cars that have been on Cribs- "My 68 ya know I sold to that nigger ball player" and "that Luminus fucked that 19__ I sold him, made it niggery as hell" FYI - Luminus is Ludacris. I swear I need to record my dad's convos... but I would need to add subtitles
We should start a dream thread. I found some of my old ones: from 2005 had a dream that i was institutionalized. the nurse was going to give me some kick ass meds, but i was afraid that the meds were going to kill me.. they left the meds on my gurney and i was going to have to have some tests ran... i think one was a stress test, anyway, i had to pee and they showed me the stalls... they were like wheelchairs and they had no bowls, only a mesh tablecloth and i guess you were to pee on them. there was a sheer curtain in the front and a window on the side... people kept coming in and i couldn't pee, so i got up and went into my bedroom and peed there. there were crazy scary mentally handicapped people there and i keep wanting to tell someone that i was not mentally impaired, just sad. i was also the only one wearing a hospital gown, everyone else had clothes. and i was high as fuck! i was walking around and ran across a motley crew who were smoking and i asked for cig and sat down and smoked with the people and this one girl was freaking out and making dick sucking motions with her hand and talking about get fucked... she was really gross and everyone talked like hilljacks and i was thinking that i was in a place with a bunch of inbreds... first i was told we weren't allowed outside but when i was smoking, we were? then rico from six feet under came and told me that i was getting fired. he was really short and i was leaning on him and he was crying and i was reassuring him that it would be okay... all the while, his fat gf was with him and she started crying and freaking and they had to leave... then i found my nurse (but before doing so, stole all the meds on my gurney) and told her that i needed to leave and that i would sign a release form or whatever, i just needed to go because i was going to get fired. she said that she needed to give me some kind of release exam and she started pushing on my ovaries really hard and it hurt, so i kept pushing her hands away and she was just pushing harder and was really close to my face, like practically kissing me and i just remember pushing her arms away and then i woke up ---------------------------------- Had a dream that I was going to Kroger with this girl from some heroin addict documentary, but I couldn't find my shoes (found one shoe and couldn't find the match) and had to wear a pair of shoes that I used to wear in the 9th grade. Then Deliliah and Todd (ex bf) must have been in town because I was at the Holiday Inn with both of them. We were walking through the restaurant and deliliah was telling me to look out for her (sister, cousin, niece) because they had been missing and I happened to see something that looked like a monkey in a blanket sitting at a table with some Arab looking people. She freaked out and said that was her and we ran to tell the cops who were conveniently outside. Then I got keys to the room next to theirs to spy on them (must have worked there to get the keys) and then I remember running down the street all scared with Todd. I think we even kissed at one point, I dunno... -------------------------------------------------------- had a dream that i really cool cute boyfriend and we had plans to do something like go to some movie/game/house, it kept changing... and i went to the bathroom (i was at someone's house) and saw this zit and i wanted to pop it really bad, so when i went to squeeze it, i saw like white and red dots all around it and it seemed to spread and my skin tore from the corner of my mouth to my ear and it was hanging all gross, but not bleeding. somehow i managed to tuck it in and i was thinking about trying to pull it off, but i was afraid that he would wake up and see my face hanging in the middle of the night and he was soooooooo cute i didn't want to gross him out... anyway, i went out of the bathroom and told him that i needed to cxl plans because my face was all mangled and he was so cool that i felt comfortable enough to show him and when i did, i bleed pretty bad. it was nasty and i don't remember much else... i remember it hurt, but not a ton like it should ------------------------------------------------------- dreamt that I was in a cemetery and saw a mausoleum and the ceiling has bowed in and I was looking inside the crack at these two dead people. Their pictures and names were on the front but there were two people in the mausoleum and three names on the outside. I was trying to figure out which woman was in there. I had a flashlight and was freaking out that I was going to wake them up with it and then they wouldn't go back to sleep because they had been asleep for so long... then, i'm trying to look at them while hiding in an entertainment center in the middle of the street and peeking at them through a car window (they were both in the car) and then I ended up talking to the people and they were sitting up in a car. I was telling the woman that I was trying to figure out which person she was and I had guessed right. The woman looked alive and healthy, but the man was all gross and moldy. They had both been dead 40+ years. The woman was the man's second wife and she was quite a bit younger than the man and his first wife.
