...like the entire Starbucks phenomenon. ...or the whole "Twitter" thing. Sounds like something Michael J. Fox would be required to check off on his next résumé. At any rate: I get a text message this afternoon from someone calling themselves "Kathy." It reads: "Hey this is Kathy. If u need something TEXT me on this number today. K." OK. "If I need something." How am I to decide what I need from someone I don't even know? (Of course, I'm not a moron, and I realized that this was probably an attempt at soliciting the sale of sex or drugs - a business approach I wasn't quite aware of, to tell the truth. I mean, even if I were interested in purchasing either, would I do it by answering a SPAM text message?) So, I decided to have some fun with it. And, yes. I did take into account this whole thing just might be a police sting designed to arrest people whom lead lives pitifully enough that they feel the need to employ the services of a complete stranger via a TEXT MESSAGE and buy sex or drugs. So, I reply (in 2 messages): "Hi Kathy. I was in the market for a heart, Scarecrow's looking for a brain, Lion's hiding behind Toto, & Dorothy needs her slippers so she can go the fuck home. Think you have the wrong number. Have a great day." I was actually surprised to get a response after that... "No Mr. Wonka I dont. Its Kathy 3rds girl." OK. Someone is either really fucking with me, or there's someone out there this stupid. Fucking amazing. Not only did 'she' get the movie wrong, but she's sounding like "Kathy 3rd grade" now. What a world... What a world... To think that we live in a world bankrupt enough that even our own prostitutes have to resort to their Cricket wireless phones to drum up business! Naturally, I kept fucking with 'er. "Wait... I get it... 3rds = washing the laundry, fixing dinner, & doing the dishes? Where have you been all my life?" (If she's degraded herself to soliciting jobs to anonymous people over the phone, just think what that one did to her pride...) Of course, I thought I was a bit too rough on her, so an hour later, I asked her: "...as long as we're on the subject of needing things... You got any parts for a '73 Chevy pickup?" Still no response. Either the undercover cop got wise to my smartass comments, or the actual entrepreneur decided she wasn't going to scam anything out of me. Since she won't answer any of my text messages, please feel free to message her via a text message at the following number: 830-305-2609 Remember: She said to text her if you need ANYTHING. If you need a Volkswagen full of three dozen midget clowns... If you require the services of an astronaut to fly you into Jupiter's eye... Should you need a fresh replacement liver, and don't want to be on the waiting list... Whatever the fuck you need - CALL KATHY! 3rd base man! (or whatever the fuck she said...) Tell your friends, too! Post it on your forums & blogs! KATHY DELIVERS @ 830-305-2609 (If I know you, and this was just a joke on me, sorry - my bad. Paybacks suck, though, eh?)
Just got a text from a friend - he asked Kathy to join their coven (not going into details, but I can imagine - he's a pretty sick fuck, too.) Auto parts, Wiccans, and Oz... what next..?
Well that number would work via yahoo messenger however it said it was blocked from recieving. I wonder why
I just texted her, I asked her if she was free to help me dig a hole in the back yard, "not big enough for a full sized adult, but lets just say, a few years after 3rd grade"
I'm asking her if she's still up for some 'action' right now... Next message is, "Know of any bug-catching/gift-giving parties coming up?"
"you can join in if you like... hmmmmmmmm?" :biggrin: I can't help but equate this to when I was like 14 and had this undercover Kmart secret shopper on my ass (even though I wasn't doing anything) - so I wasted an hour of his time while he followed me around the store carrying a mechanical pencil, which I ended up placing right back on the same hook I got it from an hour later. Fuck knows how many people actually were stealing from the joint while I was fucking with this one moron that pissed me off by stereotyping me.
I had some old bitch follow me around an antique store once. Most of their stuff sucked and I was offended. It's way out in the middle of no where and it's gross and run down. They sell food there and it stinks. Like one old green hotdog spinning around on a wheel and pus yellow ice cream. I guess the food is antique too. A few years ago, my husband had to shit and he had to use the bathroom. I wish I had a picture of the bathroom. The wall didn't go to the ceiling. It was literally about 7 feet of plywood with a door. If you leaned on it, it would fall down. So he was in there farting and shitting and laughing I am talking to him from across the room. I wanted to start throwing antiques at him over the wall. I gotta go back and take a picture. It can't be legal.
I would pay money to be able to film a 'hidden camera' skit there. Seriously - no shit. Just a lot of sound effects.
