I did something similar to that one year in high school... I took some fish with me during the 'late registration' period, went into the Social Studies hall bathroom, reached under the horse-trough style urinal and crammed them up between it and the wall. Afterwards, I got a shitload of paper towels and crammed them underneath the fish, ensuring that the fish wouldn't fall down after they dry out a bit... I swear, they had that bathroom's windows open all the time, even through the winter months... "Glade Stick-up" air fresheners all over the fucking place, and they still couldn't get rid of the stench... Sometimes I miss high school...
Ah yes, high-school pranks - my most memorable was: I hated those stupid Friday morning "pep rallies" - the P.A. announcement, the collective shuffle of the student body to the gym where we assembled in the bleachers sectioned by class, the cheerleaders trying to whip up "team spirit" among the mostly apathetic and bemused crowd, the pseudo-heroic one-by-one introduction of the football team starters for that night's game, etc. I mean, mostly we didn't mind getting out of class for a half-hour or so, but for me the boredom factor of such a sad ritual far outweighed that of the curriculum. And I didn't give half a shit for football to begin with, much less our pathetic team in particular. Now, I had a friend who held a p/t job clerking in the sporting-goods section of K-Mart-style dept store. He was the big hookup for many. Once he was involved in a car accident, and while no one was seriously injured, the many boxes of nicked .22 shells he happened to be transporting in his trunk ended up scattered all over the highway like confetti. Can't remember how he explained that away to the cops. Anyway, one day Mike shows up with this starter pistol and funny little blanks to go with it. "Check it out - they're tear gas rounds, man." Sure enough, they were .22cal OC blanks. Neither of us could figure out just WTF they were legitimately supposed to be for. No matter - I immediately conceived an application for them. Mike and I test-fired a few rounds, and were delighted to find that the noise was negligible (like a paper-roll capgun), the discharge almost invisible but the effect definitely noticeable. I arrived at the next pep rally packing. As the cheerleaders were across the floor working the sophomore section in the "cheer challenge" (see which class can cheer LOUDEST, hence indicating the most "team spirit" #puke# ), Mike and another co-conspirator arrayed in formation around me to provide optimum visible cover while I withdrew the pistol and placed it behind my back, pointed it upward & squeezed off a round. We were on the top row behind everyone. Couldn't hear the report at all over the yelling. Excellent. Squeezed off 2 more, stowed it away, then we watched for any sign of effect. It exceeded our wildest expectations, and was fascinating to watch. In a slowly spreading radius - at an apparent propagation velocity of about 5' per second - the senior section one by one stopping yelling or talking. Some began only looking around quizically A slow, straggling exodus from our bleachers began - first one, then another...a few more...then mostly everybody headed for the doors. The admins on the floor finally noticed something was up & walkie-talkies were pulled. The vice-principal gestured futilely at everyone to halt but he was ignored. Then the process repeated in the juniors section and, a bit later, in the sophomores across the floor (although I'm not sure that wasn't just a cattle-like herding instinct on their part). We were holding our noses too, but mainly to conceal with our hands our controlled giggling. It was great! We'd broken up the pep rally AND probably confused and pissed off not a few of our fellow students - whom we didn't much give a shit for anyway - and certainly all the teachers and admins, whose illusion of control and order had just been punctured. Well, that's the best part of that story. No need or desire to go into the aftermath, other than to say: my main regret from school days was failing to exact revenge on that ass-licking squealer who ratted me out.
Hey peeps. I've decided that in order to get over my sickness, I'm going to have to go out and do things. I tried to get a loan at a bank this week but I was denied (Those fucking cheap bastards). So I went in there today and got me a "Safe Deposit Box". After getting it, I placed a dead fish inside and locked it up. Here is the beauty of my plan. The bank is not allowed to open the box without my permission. So the fish will continue to rot and stink the entire place up. I've decided that if I'm caught, I'm going to tell the officials that it was a fish my grandma gave me before she died and it has great sentimental value. Why am I doing this? Revenge of course. And to be a real asshole in general. Fuck it. I hate my life. Later guys. PS: Hey IMC... where can I get a free copy of Microsoft Word?
