I've always loved Raccoons...when I lived on the Island, I had a family with babies coming up to my back deck every night...whenever I'd open the door to shoo them away they'd just turn and look at me as if to say "Who the fuck do you think you are?"...it always made me smile.
Is she working or are you using this as an opportunity to talk her down from the "we-need-an-8,000-sf-house" ledge?
I actually have a raccoon story from about 3 years ago, I posted it in some myspace thing or something years back, if I can find it I'll cut and paste it.... as usual, I'm sure you will ALL be glued to this thread while refreshing it every few seconds....
This was March 9th 2004 at approx 4 am.... I was almost attacked by a raccoon in my parking lot... i saw what i thought was a cat running at me from like 40 feet away so i decided to befriend it ...which in my drunken state meant i would do this by making squeaky kissy noises at it... it got about 4 feet away from me when i suddenly realized that this wasn't a cat at all, but a racoon...it just sat there and looked at me for like 10 seconds... i froze up and thought about running for my life... it looked at me as if to say "what?!!?"... then it took off... that bastard... i should hunt it down for fucking with me... The End
I can see the headlines, "Local man claims midget Assault" "Late last night a local man, returning from a bible study group, was attacked by what was described as a small person, wearing a mask, fur coat with beady eyes. The dwarf was said to be hurling insults and was last seen hiding in a trash can. The 'small person' kept mentioning "lips and assholes"......
My God, the three 'coons were the three Dwarves incognito weren't they!! I believe now. Yes, I believe! Runs off to the Doctor for an MRI and Rabies shots.
