What's the lowest lowdown meanest shit ya ever did

THis better be good or this forum is going to lose it's gangster swagger and have to give up the title "worst forum" on the internet unless Barry posts a bunch of shit and then it will be worst but worst in Opera sense of the word.

 

In Marine boot camp while on work detail I acquired a good deal of pink fiberglass insulation. Well we had this platoon leader that was an idiot put there as a token favor. I'll leave my reasoning as to why out of it. Anyways graduation day over two hours on the blacktop in full Alfa uniform (a green wool suite) Sutter was mighty itchy that day. And it was not because of the wool. I thought that was pretty sneaky and low down.

Then there is the time also that I CS gassed my wife. CS is tear gas and you can get it in other forms than a grenade. It also comes in gelatin capsule form inside a fine powder. Well as a joke I rubbed it into my BDU’s fairly innocuous at that point that is until I asked my wife to iron them. Pretty low down cause she was ironing my cammies which was a nice jester. When that steam iron hit that CS the fun began.

I wish I had some more of them…. Major can you help me out here?

 

I'd have to think about that. Most cruel, vile, shit always happened to me. Once I painted my uncle's toenails fire engine red as he slept. He dressed in near dark and didn't notice until he finished his shift at the steel foundry and headed for the showers. He noticed my handywork and quickly dressed and went home dirty. Would have been funnier had his cronies seen him. Not too lowdown but it was funny at the time. Oh, and there's the time a guy cut me off on the freeway and I shot him in the face. Ah, good times.

 

Once, before I was a Christian, I threw water balloons at cars......and then there was that time I freaked out my brother by making him believe he was adopted. Oh, and the time I put grease under the assistant coach's door handle on his car.....boy that was mean!

My goodness I was horrible! I once put shaving cream in my friends hand while he was asleep, and then tickled his nose! The same night I also placed his hand in warm water and made him pee on himself. Gosh he was mad!

Then there was the time that I shot those three crack heads for walking across my grass. Oh, and the meth dealer that I drug behind my car until he was naked for trying to sell my kid a hit. I don't really consider that mean though, because they were really asking for it.

I guess that is all.

 

One of my funniest practical jokes involved spending about six bucks just to buy random items from random slots in the food venting machine in the break room I then replaced all my buddies lunch items one at a time in different random slots. Where he could spin the thing around and see them but could not get to them. Even if he tried to buy his apple, Pudding snack, sandwich, coke, celery sticks. The machine said that slot was empty.

It is not as funny unless you know the whole background and that’s a long story but it is rather hilarious.

 

I concerns me that you had red nail polish in your possession Maj. Care to explain?

 

I was still living at home and my uncle was staying with us. My sister/accomplice supplied the polish. The red polish was NOT mine. It clashed with my mauve crotchless panties, anyway.

 

Yes, the red polish was phatboy's Thanks thweetie.

 

Hey you were in a dress........

.....I always wondered why you kept saying 'dont ask, dont tell'.....

 

Let's see I used someones tooth brush to wipe my ass then put it back.

I chained someones tires together. They had 5 star rims and I ran a chain from one wheel to the other and padlocked it.]

Stapled gunned some guy who passed out at a party.

some I can't talk about....

 

Once I was at the Chinese buffet and didn't get a clean plate for my return trip to the food bar... :shock:

 

You fucking rebel you.

 

This is off-topic but I visited a Chinese buffet once and there, in the banana pudding, struggling to free itself, was a skateboard-sized roach, doing the Numa, Numa. "CHECK, PLEASE!" I left but a pittance of a tip because I, sir, am a rebel, too!

(note - the buffet has since been razed and a parking lot now exists there)

 

Pittance. Razed.

You know lots of big words for an Auburn boy.

 

A little too many. I think he's being tutored.

 

My Auburn degree is in English, not Sociology (I actually had to go to class).

sorry, i fergot my audiense. sam, your hot, LOL

 

I lied on the internet once. No, i'm not proud.

 

I knew it! It was the time you said you hated me, right?


Barry

 

I've never lied on the internet. Ever.