Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring news from the frontier...

Ladies and Gentlemen of Fugly:

***BREAKING NEWS***

This may come as a shock to some of you but Schmed "ROUND EYE" is off the Asian Sensations, he has settled for the time being, for a nice young lady who is going to school (I presume grade 8) somewhere in Washington D.C. and surrounding area. She is of the Caucasian persuasion.

How Checkmate spent his weekend....

Friday

5:05 pm GMT Friday August 11th, The Ship, London, 5 pints of Guinness, excellent conversation discussing world events, Chelsea vs. Liverpool, super league rugby etc..

Depart 8:30 pm GMT for Oxford Circus Underground Stop, Carpenters Arms, meet up with my mate, 6 pints Becks Vier (fantastic beer) meet a group of 4 fine upstanding young birds (women to you uncultured yanks), change plans, head off to a club in the district of Leicester square, can't remember the name...arrive 11:30 pm.

Start drinking water so I can "sober" up a bit, continue drinking bottles of Carlsberg export. 4 am take bird back to her place; bang her silly, sleep for 3 hours, head home.

Saturday

Wake up 2:00 pm have a shower. Head to pub for full English, 2 pints of Guinness. Back to my flat at 3:30 pm sleep until 6pm. Get up have another shower, clean flat, get dressed and head to west end to meet tonight’s date for a show at the Noel Coward theater, saw Avenue Q, brilliant show. Head to the pub for a few casual drinks, 5 drinks later, we are heading back to my flat to bang her silly.

Sunday

Escort guest to the door after making her a nice breakfast of organic yogurt, fresh fruit, and egg whites, my diet is important seeing as it was neglected the day previous. We have made plans to see each other again Wednesday night, she is coming over to cook me dinner, and do the dishes if she knows what's good for her. Head to gym work out, return home about 5pm. sleep until 11pm start work at 2 am.

That's it for this edition of the London correspondent. Until next time.

May the sun be upon your face, the wind at your back, and may your shadow never grow shorter.

Cheers!

Checkmate

 

THIS JUST IN:

Security camera footage of the "girl" leaving Checkmate's hotel room. Nice one, Checkers. :wink:

 

Do Orangutan's have eyebrows?

I only wonder because this particular orangutan had them pencilled in.

 

HEY! Not cool! :x

That's Checkmate's lover you're talking about.

 

Whoever told you I was cool has done you a terrible disservice. I'm not, and anyone who says otherwise is a liar and willful slanderer.

 

That's quite a coincidence because I was reading a blog about this 50 year old (very homely looking) virgin English chick who so happens to have been talking in her blog about how desperate she was to get laid for once at least. In her blog she said she had gone to a pub and met a tourist who was nearly blind drunk, kept bringing her martinis and saying he was having the same though she knew he was actually drinking water and trying to get her drunk bur she was a willing accomplice and finally left with the guy. Ends up just as he was dropping his trousers at the room he passed out. She waited patiently for three hours that’s when he awoke looked at her and shrieked and ran out the door. She is still a virgin and going to try again this time by making him dinner. She is hoping he won’t get so drunk and to spike his dinner with Viagra.

 

Joe, is that story really about you and how you pick up guys?????

 

I guess everyone has got a stratagy. I guess if I were really desperate I would troll forums for a cute little buxom blond looking for attention. To respond to my PM's at little attention goes a long way. :wink:

 

Thanks for that Grapey, for a minute there I thought I had slept with another aussie, at least this time I can keep my dignity. FUCK'N BANG!

 

Joe, standards are for those who don't know better. No matter how ugly the goal, it still counts on the score board.

And for the record, I am not a tourist, I was born in England, and now have relocated back to London. I hold a valid British Passport and Birth Certificate.

 

:roll:

 

Hell Check I thought there was some humor value in it. Actually I'm glad to see your having a good time and good luck on the dinner and the potential dessert after words. :wink:

Cheers , Tally Ho whatever they say over there.

 

Don't roll your eyes! Ugly people need love, too! Thanks, alcohol.

 

I'm not rolling my eyes at the ugly people. They aren't the ones I feel sorry for.

 

Fear not, Ferine, you're about to hit your first run!

 

Toodle-pip usually does the trick.

 

FUCK'N BANG works wonders as well.

 

so does "get in the car, I got a gun, bitch!!!"

 

You actually meet people in real life ?

I would never hurt my jobhands feelings that way.

 

I've never seen either here. I guess the words have a different meaning in Canada.