Good Morning FUGLY.COM! Reginald T. Walker reporting live, with an update on everybody's favorite Marvelously Mischevious Monkeys, the MMM... Let's jump right into the most exciting news--Doug and Headee have taken their DOG reverence one step further and have vowed to never worship a false idol by actually adopting real DOGs. Doug plans for his newborn Jackson to be very active in the DOG ministry in future years, and Headee's newly acquired four-year-old beagle Scarlet is already well-known in the church of DOG. Following the MMM tradition both DOG's are bisexual in cyberspace, and plan on being wed in years to come. This is truly a match made in hell. As many of you already know Momofesp is expecting her baby girl on May 18, the holy day of DOG. Her potty is Kohler and her clothes will not be home made. This will be no kee-id. In sadder news, BeanerJ9, Rimjob Queen 2006 and Reigning Champion of Cumfest, has been Missing In Action for over one month. It is unclear at this time whether or not she has "pulled a Tails," or if there is something tragic keeping her from logging online or returning phone calls. Friends of Beans are asked not to worry too much, as she could very well just be too high to get off the couch and log her lazy @ss online. This reporter will keep you aware of any updates to this mysterious disappearance. Due to an unusually long time between emails, the MMM was worried that Sheistysean was trying to skip out on the G-unit Gmail list, however Sean finally responded to the Monkeys. Apparantly he was just taking a really, really, really big dump. Pink was so elated at his return email, that she tard-arted a pile of poo. When Sean saw the drawing made of love, he teared up and read a passage from the book of DOG: MMM 69:69 Pink Wept DOG is great, DOG is good, Let there be light. And there was. Good night and DOGspeed. the end. Former Monkey DevilishDeva will finally undergo the operation she has been in desperate need of for quite some time now--a breast enhancement. This Friday, she will go from having the chest of a 12-year old boy to the silicone lumps of Pam Anderson. When asked WHY she, a 27 year old happily married mommy felt it necessary to have such a drastic thing done, she only drunkily mumbled something about "keeping it real in the party scene." Jeff was last reported doing her best friend in the bathroom, and Joey was last reported killing field mice for supper. Tailsiwin is going through a real life divorce. And, surprisingly, this had absolutely NOTHING to do with his fugly chick romp with Fiona in the swamp. It is rumored that he found out about Headsulost's break-up with her boyfriend, and couldn't miss out on the opportunity to bang his dream woman. His flight lands in Boca Raton next Saturday. Unfortuantely for Tails, Headsulost is allegedly having a lesbian love affair with none other than Lvn2LuvJC, otherwise known as Barb. Both women have swore off men, and pleasure each other with dildos and crucifixes all the live long day. This is definitely an improvement to being online all the live long day, so who's complaining? However, Headsulost has gone over the deep end, and psychosis appears to be setting in, as she believes the MMM is really, truly stalking her 24-7, and plan to do her physical harm in REAL LIFE. The MMM was baffled when they found this out, because ever since the great fake Christian prank of 2005, they have backed off both the crazy bitches and moved onto fresh meat. Headsulost is advised to seek psychiatric care, and to lay off the DayQuil. Margaret is dead. Caleb is banging Rachel, and Matthew has come out of the closet. Since Margaret's suicide, they have all swore off Christianity and now follow the ways of DOG. Stay tuned for future updates. Reginald T. Walker signing off.
Probably something WAY original like dyke or carpet muncher. C'mon Dwaine. Thrill us with your vast knowledge of offensive terminology. *sits and listens raptly*
People like our friend Dwaine here lack chromosomes which causes them to think a little slower than average people. Don't get me wrong, though! He makes a MAD souffle.
