How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..." How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There's a clock on the oven. Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. Why do men die before their wives? They want to. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Why does the bride where white at the wedding? So the dishwasher will match the fridge and stove. What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you done told her twice.
Q: What does a battered woman do when she gets back from the shelter? A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her. Q: There are over 100,000 battered women in the United States every year. What do they all have in common? A: They don't fucking listen.
Why do they place a watermelon next to the alter during a nigger's wedding? It helps to keep the flies off of the bride. What does her pussy taste like? Eating mayonaise inside a brillo pad.
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