As most of you know, Twilight came out this weekend. To those not informed, Twilight is a poorly written book for pre teen girls. They apparently like the plot or some shit, which is weird, because the plot sounds like it really sucks. Here's a bullet point list of what went down during the premiere. -The first thing was a girl got to the theater and waited in line at 2 a clock, skipping school for it. She apparently read the first book in it's entirety before 12. This raises the question, why are you seeing the movie when you literally just read the book...and where the fuck are your friends? -I wasn't there for the first event, but this was rather pleasant. An older woman came in and talked to me about movies for about an hour while waiting for what she called "Her dumb kids". She was very enjoyable to talk to, knowing more about movies than I did, which kind of made me feel good even when she was like 60 something. To my horror, her kids were not girls...but what looked to be emo Juniors in high school. -All the girls that came in looked at the poster we hung on the wall and said shit along the lines of "Oh my god....I can just get lost in Edwards eyes" or "MMMMMM.....Bite me" which is a bit fucking weird. What was weirder was that girls came in with shirts on that said "Team Edward" and below that it said "Bite me". This wouldn't be a problem if every fucking girl didn't wear it. Literally, 3/5 girls were wearing twilight shirts...and a gay guy who winked at me...but yeah. -I eventually got sick of girls saying shit about the guy and put a piece of paper on his face so you could only see the girl to be a jerk. The girls eventually got up the nerve to walk up to me and tell me to take it down. I told them I wouldn't and they left. I guess I won that one, but in reality I was working and they were seeing a movie with friends, so I kind of lost hardcore. We later made jokes about throwing away the rest of the Twilight posters, didn't go over so well seeing as no one seemed to care. They kind of knew I was fucking with them. This sort of killed me inside. -Now it was time to patrol the theaters; And by god, it was like where's waldo but looking for a guy in the theater. Literally, I was alone to make sure everyone had seats and to tell them to not sit in the isles like dumb asses. To my horror, people had cameras....a lot of people had cameras. Not the fun click click photo cameras....video ones. We had to confesticate them, and the teens were pretty dumb founded....they didn't even try to hide them...why? BECAUSE THEY WERE FILMING THEM FUCKING SELVES IN THE MOVIE ARE THEY GOD DAMMED RETARDED? We didn't kick them out, because we realized that they were just dumb and would most likely not learn a lesson and that we enjoyed their money. -Loud Bitches, every one's favorite. Every five minute interval while waiting for the movie, these fat bitches in the upper rows screamed the amount of time left for the show. This was followed by a 10 second woooooo. I didn't think anyone cared at first, since they weren't really doing anything wrong since the theater was loud as all hell anyhow. Then I got a bunch of people asking me "Please shut them up, it's giving me a head ache". I walked up there and said "Yeah, guys...don't do that." They shut up, a bunch of jocks sitting in front of them cheered me on and one said "That's my new favorite guy". This would be the end of the tale of the loud bitches, if they weren't bitches. I left the theater to tell them to turn up the fans since it was hotter than Florida in there. I was walking back into the theater when I heard "10 more minutes WOOOOOOOOOO". I quickly turned the bend and up the stairs, the look of terror on their face was epic as hell. A lot of the guys were laughing their asses off. "Yup, tried to be nice, do it again and your kicked out with no refund." This scared them shit less, they no longer did it, rather raised their fingers in the air for the remainder. Best part of my night, considering what happened next. -The district manager decided he was gonna pop into my theater, to make sure everything was up to par. Oh fuck me. He was standing there looking at the audience a bit...bored. As I walked down the stairs, he said to me "Man, I really dislike teenagers" I wouldn't think the words to pop out of his mouth. I responded "Then this must be what hell is like for you" and to my utter surprise, he started to laugh. We had a pretty pleasant conversation, then I remembered that I had to do an announcement, and he wanted to watch it. This wouldn't be a problem except for mine are a bit over the top in terms of how I do them. Hand gestures and lame jokes to get everyone in a good mood. I felt like I was going to barf, in front a sold out theater....and my district manager. I kept saying just to do a normal announcement, but then I said fuck that, and did my normal shit. The crowd was full of teens so they literally exploded as it ended, they cheered me off. When they do this I say "Thank you thank you, I'll be here all week unfortunately." I walked past the head honcho and he said "Now THAT'S how you do an announcement." I felt like I just punched out Tyson. Yeah but fuck, night sucked.
Could we create a new thread called 'Nando's lame ass stories'? I have never heard an announcement before a movie, not by an actual person. Its always the stupid commercial with the phones and stuff. Good job Fernie.
dude, you are ONE SLOW WETBACK!!! dude, all these little whores are half wet, going to watch these pretty boys in "homo-erotic" vampire movies. Now, how many guys were there? Im sure the ratio was low, and with a little finesse, you could have gotten SEVERAL blowjobs all night. Sheesh, Im at UNC hospital right now for my dad , and even I got one of those twilight whores to slob me off yesterday, by pretneding that I really give a shit about that fake vampire crap. I can tell yoiu the rest of the story if you care,
This movie died down considerably. By sunday the theater was only selling for bolt. God damn that word of mouth is strong.
I DID spell it right muppett! I am ENGLISH we wrote the language that you abused, changed and got wrong. CENTRE, METRE, SPECIALISED etc!!
I hate it when people spell a simple name all funky like, Cyndy Cyndi Syndi Syndy Sindy Syndie Cyndie Cyndey Syndey Cyndee Cindee, etc. It's fucking Cindy.
Holy Crap. Somewhere Spo0o0ns dishes just rolled over in their grave. What is the proper spelling of 'shawn'. Shawn - Sean - Shauwn - Juanaman And what is Shawn short for?????
