People who stink

Discussion in 'General Mayhem' started by Nauseous, Feb 1, 2008.

  1. PM5Kfreakforever

    PM5Kfreakforever New Member

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    11
    i have to agree with you, i hate it when i am at the grocery store and i'm looking at like canned veggies and some guy goes for the can right above my head so he has to reach over me, i about barfed and then when i made eye contact he was checking out my tits, i just wanted to take that extra large can of green beans and beat him over the head with it.
    I like the carrying perfume idea. But i could get my ass beat around here for that. haha.
     
  2. Nauseous

    Nauseous Active Member

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    10,886
    Some people I can tell before I pass them that they are going to stink so I hold my breath when they walk by. I farted in an aisle where there was a stinky guy. Figured it was the least I could do.
     
  3. phatboy

    phatboy New Member

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    6,956
    Thats awesome. Did you crop dust, or just go for shock and awe?

    If I have to bust ass I like to crop dust old people, that way everyone else will think the oldie did it.

    :( - shamed
     
  4. darthgus

    darthgus New Member

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    i like to cropdust kids. its way funnier since their faces are at ass level.
     
  5. Lomotil

    Lomotil Active Member

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    There used to be this rather obese blind lady that would come into the store. She was so large that it would be logistically impossible for her to actually touch her crotch (or asshole, for that matter.) She fucking reeked of month-old urine and feces all rolled into one corpulent, walking, radiating package. If she was in the store, I don't care where you were in relation to her, you would KNOW she was there.

    It's the worst stench I've ever known.

    I absolutely refused to be anywhere near the broad, and at the time, I was a cashier. If I saw her feeling her way towards the register, I would bolt. I told them that there was no way in hell that I'd be able to stand a few feet away from her and not vomit, and made this bitch-ass boss of mine check her out every time.

    We did have these 'time release' air fresheners mounted strategically around the store, and whenever she'd come in, I'd go and rob one of the cans out of one of these things, take a deep breath, and run a blitz by her, spraying the shit directly on her fat ass, as many sprays as I could, and when I could tell I was needing some air, I'd hastily run away and breathe elsewhere. Then I'd do it again.

    I caught a lot of shit for doing that, with people pitying that poor, handicapped, walking sewer... But I'll be damned, it's not my fucking fault she's incapable of cleaning herself, and nor is it in my job description to have to endure stench that could make a pig vomit.

    Afterwards, I'd walk the perimeter of the sales floor, hosing it down with the air freshener (one shot of it is supposed to 'cleanse' 5,000 sq. ft. of area for at least 15 minutes.) You could still smell that bitch. It was that fucking bad.
     
  6. tommy710

    tommy710 Active Member

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    2,246
  7. Dwaine Scum

    Dwaine Scum New Member

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    11,130
    there you are Tommeh, I was telling your MUM she had to let you off probation, and let you out. You know, just because i beat her, is no reason for her to take her frustrations out on you
     
  8. tommy710

    tommy710 Active Member

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    2,246
    Thats awful decent off you dwaine and heres me thinking your a cunt all these years,i stand corrected.
     
  9. Dwaine Scum

    Dwaine Scum New Member

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    no, Im still a fucking cunt, I just wanted to make sure you wern't dead. I always need a good cocaine mule, or male whore to work the convalescence home when the pension checks are issued. Go put your fucking dress on.
     
  10. Schmed

    Schmed New Member

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    4,009
    IT was me!!!
     
  11. Dwaine Scum

    Dwaine Scum New Member

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    11,130
    was that the day you cooked green beans?
     
  12. tommy710

    tommy710 Active Member

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    2,246
    whatyou mean 'go put my dress on'??
    i never take it off.
     
  13. canine_STD

    canine_STD New Member

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    1,386
    I really should check back here more often; you guys have some of the most stimulating conversation anyone could hope for. I'll have to think of a stink story now...

    When I was 14 or 15 I got kicked off my school's Rugby team — and missed playing in the national schoolboys' — and got 12 tonnes of shit kicked out of me by my "friends" for losing them a match due to my refusal to scrum (and therefore stick my head into someone's armpit) opposite the school's "stinky kid". We were all sweaty and stunk, but this kid's kit had stink seeping out of it. He always fucking stank.
    I think I refused/failed to scrum 4 times before I was subbed, and the penalties I gave away lost us a huge lead.
     
  14. Nauseous

    Nauseous Active Member

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    10,886
    Where the fuck have you been?!
     
  15. Lomotil

    Lomotil Active Member

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    No joke! WTF?
     
  16. Nauseous

    Nauseous Active Member

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    10,886
    He's like the neighbor's cat I always think is dead and then he just shows up at my door and it's like seeing a ghost.
     
  17. Lomotil

    Lomotil Active Member

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    10,267
    It is a ghost.

    So were the raccoons, all those times...
     
  18. Nauseous

    Nauseous Active Member

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    10,886
    I miss my raccoons. I really do. I haven't seen one since I moved from my apt. That was over 4 years ago.
     
  19. dusken

    dusken New Member

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    5
    Jesus...

    People f*cking reek. I don't even pretend to be polite. Had a breeder huddling close to me in the grocery line the other day, letting his fumes wash over me like a brown tide of sewer. This is how the exchange went.

    "Take a step back, you smell awful."
    "That's f*cking rude."
    "No, what's rude is the fact you smell like you've been out of sh*t paper for a week."

    He then went to another line, tell me to f*ck off. I then loudly warned the person that he stood behind that not only did he stink, but I felt him reach for my wallet.

    I mean christ almighty. Walk your fat ass to Walmart, take a left at the Tony Stewart poster, and grab the sample can of axe off the shelf and make yourself tolerable.
     
  20. MAJ Havoc

    MAJ Havoc Active Member

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    3,123
    Stink leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Suffering leads to stink.

    It's a vicious cycle.
     

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