I Got a Lot of Problems With You People...

and now you're gonna hear about them!!


Happy Festivus everyone.

The only thing I want for this Festivus is to not have Dwaine pick me for the feats of strength. Last year he sat on me for 3 days straight. Fucker.

 

too late I picked you yesterday, And I have already greased myself up

 

God fucking damnit! Did you use your jar of bacon grease like you did last year??

 

naw, this year I used lard. I'll wear a speedo so you can pretend we are playing WWE smackdown

 

I volunteer to be the official videographer of the event.

 

I don't think so Barry. The videos of the past have proven you can't hold the camera and beat off without the picture getting all shaky.

 

It's early onset Parkinsons. I swear.

 

That's very unprofessional.

 

Pot/Kettle rule.

 

barry, can i take your daughter out for new years eve?

 

Sorry Dwaine. She never dates guys who's tits are bigger than hers.

 

ZING

 

you got me there, but date/kidnap, what's the difference? Schmed is really good at holding a burlap sack drenched in either open

 

You are a humble man Dwaine. That is why I love you so.

As far as my daughter, she is high maintainence. You would never be able to lock her in the trunk of your car, because she won't go near anything that doesn't have a BMW hood ornament.

She is just like her mother. You can have them both if you want, as long as the "no refund no exchange" policy is clearly understood.

 

If I were you, I'd get my own apartment. I can't stand label whores.

 

Me, too. Makes me want to upchuck all over my Armani.