Random Thoughts From A Diseased Mind

Here are a few snippets from my book, "Random Thoughts From A Diseased Mind"....copyright 2004, ISBN pending.

Here's a funny little story, it's true, I swear it. Back in September, this was maybe a week or so after the attacks, me and my girlfriend were riding along, and saw these two kids(maybe early teens) standing on a street corner, painted up like the American flag. Only wearing a pair of shorts and shoes. I flipped them the bird as we rode past, cuz they were waving to everyone, and looking like a pair of "shouldabeenaborteds". The look of shock on their faces was absolutely priceless. Hey, dipshit, welcome to the REAL world. Anyway, about an hour or so later, we came back past the other way, and they were about a mile up the road. They spotted us, and I flipped them off again, they started jumping up and down, yelling "Fuck you!" And that
kinda shit. They returned the finger, and the really funny part was, no one saw us flip them off, just them screaming "Fuck You!" and apparently flipping off everyone in sight while painted as the American Flag. I laughed so hard I almost pissed myself.

If I was a parent of say, a 7th or 8th grader, you know, that age where Halloween was still FUN! Assume for a moment, that I am the parent of twins this age. Those kids would be wearing some matching, but custom made costumes. Oh yeah. And you are going to say, "You wouldn't send your kid to school like that." Bet your ass I would. And I'd have my girlfriend right with me. Just goading me on. Bet your ass on that. The costume(s) I'm talking about are the twin towers of the WTC. Oh yeah. No shit. I said it. I'd dress my kids up with home made costumes of the WTC. Not only that, but each kid(tower) would have a plane sticking out of it. Maybe even toss in some army-men(the 2-3 inch tall plastic jobs) painted to look like civilians going to work. Just so they could fling them off the "roof" of the costume. Maybe if we put the fun back into childhood, maybe those kids wouldn't be shooting up the schools. Or even be shooting up IN the schools!

Another health alert I've been hearing about, using rubbers when you masterbate. Who the fuck is dumb enough to believe they are going to catch something from their own penis? And to this point, I'd have to ask, would you put the rubber on your dick, or your hand? Maybe the really fucked up kids, the ones who are majorly paranoid, will put them on BOTH! I suppose the skitzophrenics will argue about wether it's the hands responsibility, or the penis' responsibility to wear the protection.

Here is something you never see on the evening news; During the report of a string of break-ins in a small neighborhood, some guy standing in front of his house yelling "YEAH! Let that motherfucker break into my motherfucking house. I'll bust a cap in dat nigga's motherfucking ass! Right here, this address, come on motherfucker, break into my motherfucking house! Punk ass bitch!"

You know something I do when I'm driving? When I pull up to a red-light on a multilane street, I look for who is going to go the fastest when the light turns green. I get behind them. You ever do that? Probably not. I figure it has never occurred to you. But I do it, I never end up behind a school bus, trash truck, or anyone with a "Proud Parent" bumper sticker. I hate being slowed down when I'm running late. And I gotta tell you, there isn't a vehicle on the road with a faster take-off than me. No one gets the better of me at a red light. Doesn't happen. I refuse to let it. I fucked with a cop one time, we were both in the lead position, and I took off like a bat out of hell. Flew up to the speed limit, and stayed there. It's not illegal, there is no law on the books that says you have to take 30 minutes to reach the speed limit(take note of this, most of you DO take 30 minutes to reach the speed limit!) So I get there as fast as possible. If there is a cop around, I hang right at that speed limit. And don't fucking tailgate me. I hate that shit. It pisses me off, because I am a whole lot smarter than you are, and I know where the cops sit to give out ransom tickets. If I'm doing the speed limit, there is a speed trap nearby. Bet on it. I have on occasion done two things, depending on my mood. Either I slow down to 10 MPH below the speed limit, or I pull over and let you fucking pass me. Sometimes I do both, so you get nice and pissed off before you go flying into that money trap. I've gotten several people quite pissed off and then pulled over right before the speed trap. They go flying by, race up to 60 MPH, and I pass them within a minute while Officer Friendly is giving them a lecture on the necessity of obeying the speed limit, while writing out that ticket. I usually smile and wave as I pass them. Being that I am such a naturally friendly human being.

 

A "Diseased Mind" is a terrible thing to waste!

 

How would you know?

 

if people tailgate you, that means get the fuck out of the way, you asshole. i hate people like you on the road, ill get just fast enough to cut you off within inches then let off the gas, ill drop it down to about 10-15 below the speed limit, then just cruise.

 

i know what you mean matthew, that aways happens around here, the cutting you off with bearly any inches. what i hate most are those people who pull in your lane with out signals or enough space between and and them. its like they think that you are making a spot just for them. i had this one woman just slowly move in my lane bearly 6 inches away oblivious to a 50 mhp 2 and a half ton vehical moving paralle to her. i blasted my horn and nothing. this week im getting 130 decible air horns, we will see if she notices then. fuckin bitch.

 

Did you actually READ it, and fail to COMPREHEND it? Or did you only read a little bit of it, and go from there?

Which part of: "I hate being slowed down when I'm running late. And I gotta tell you, there isn't a vehicle on the road with a faster take-off than me. No one gets the better of me at a red light. " : did you fail to understand?

 

I like the George Carlin school of thought on this one...."pull up alongside, wave your arm and scream PULL OVER!!! PULL OVER!!!! keep doing this until they do. You keep going, and they get to pause for a moment to think it over."

 

eh now i got 130 decible air horns from hell. not that electric shit, but the compressed air ones. i blast them when people are on the phone. they tend to listen better then.

 

As long as we're on the Carlin kick, might as well point out that he holds the copyright on that bit right there... Perhaps the ISBN shall 'pend' longer?

 

And don't fucking tailgate me. I hate that shit. It pisses me off, because I am a whole lot smarter than you are, and I know where the cops sit to give out ransom tickets. If I'm doing the speed limit, there is a speed trap nearby. Bet on it. I have on occasion done two things, depending on my mood. Either I slow down to 10 MPH below the speed limit, or I pull over and let you fucking pass me.



No you stupid arrogant prick, i read this part and went with that...

 

Yeah....but you apparently MISSED this:

I say this, as I have done it....Pissed off someone bad enough, that they sped past me, and right into a radar trap. While the cop is writing them a ticket, I smile and wave, because I just got an annoying shitball a hefty little fine, simply for being an annoying shitball.
Hey, here's the point...I'm a leadfoot, and the only times I do the speed limit, is if I *KNOW* there is a speed trap nearby. I know where the cops sit in my area...if I'm doing the speed limit, they are there, and waiting for someone who isn't. Someone riding my ass(nearly impossible when I'm doing my usual speeds), doesn't make me happy...so I fuck with them.
Not my fault they get all pissed off and it costs them money...that's what having a bad temper will get you.

Fuck me running....I just explained that to you.....

 

and this little piggy went wee wee wee all the way home.

 

I realise this is an old thread, but i just wondered what does the kaptin drive? Also about the condom thing, check this out:-

a freind of mine, Gilly, once told me about this young lad that came up to him at this party and asked him how to put a rubber on. this kid was on a promise, apparently, so Gilly told him how.

" you just get a hard on, and roll it down so it covers all of it."


20 minutes later, a fucking heart renching scream blasted out from upstairs over the music. everyone ran up stairs to see just what the fuck was going on.

there, lying on the bed, curled up sobing, was this kid. compleate with one bollock inside the rubber along with his schlong.

now i dont know if this is true or not cos my mate can bullshit abit, but its still funny ( its the mental picture!)

 

Actually, I drive a 1997 GMC Jimmy. In the past, I've driven a 1985 Dodge Charger(yeah, the 4 cylinder model, 2.2L engine that had a giant set of balls...fucker could MOVE)...I've outrun V6 tricked out hotrods with it. I'm also working on getting my 1978 Honda motorcycle on the road.

Oh, as far as your little story there, about the condom(yours was amusing)...you reminded me of something that happened about 10 years ago...I'm gonna have to add it in my second book...

A bunch of us were having a month-long party(this was fairly common for us)...and there was this guy there, real geeky looking motherfucker. Well, he had never had sex(and probably never would)...and didn't even jerk off(he didn't know how). This guy in the navy was "volenteered" to show him the ropes, as well as how to use a condom. This navy guy "went beyond the call of duty"(none of the rest of us wanted anything to do with this), and not only demonstrated, but assisted the geek(whose real name I forget...but his computer handle was "Gemstone") with putting the condom on, AND jacking him off. I know this because one of the women went down to the basement to check on them, and "caught them in the act".

 

You posted the story about the painted kids before, but its still fucking funny.

When is this book comming out, I have got to read it.

 

asskissing nigger

 

Go fuck yourself, you inbred cocksucking redneck motherfucker.

Just cause I can actually read, and not just look at pictures like you, you dumb fuck, doesn't mean I have to take shit from little ahitkicking hillbillies like you.


have a nice day.

 

Well, the copyright is still pending(should be getting it within the next 2 months, I sent it off about 4 months ago)...I have contacted several agents, but no takers as yet. I would do a self publishing, but I simply don't have the up front capitol. I did see something on the copyright website about publishers that simply contact people who have recently copyrighted their work, just because they filed the copyright. Since we are in the heaviest part of our busy season at work, I don't really have the time to dedicated to it(or it's follow-up; "Who Stole My Soap-Box?!")...so I'm kinda stuck at the moment. But don't worry, if/when it get's published, I'll be posting something here about it.


More likely than not, I'll offer to sign copies for my Fugly peers(for cost of shipping only).

 

Okay, cool

and IMC, why dont you do us all a favor and give a shotgun a blowjob?

 

Big horns are great, Noone dares to honk me back because I have a nice set of airhorns, despite the fact my car is French and sucks. I had to give it at least one redeeming feature.