Lomo's Testicular Catastrophe

Discussion in 'General Mayhem' started by Lomotil, May 19, 2008.

  1. Lomotil

    Lomotil Active Member

    Messages:
    10,267
    Friends,

    It is of the gravest of consequences that leads me to post the following story.

    First, let me show you the scene of the crime:



    What you're looking at is the *illuminated* picture of the location that this account occurred at.

    Here's the scenario.

    Late last night (early Sunday Morning,) I was on my way to my bedroom, which, lies 'ahead' with reference to the picture taken. Now, those speakers sitting on the floor were recently placed there, when I upgraded one pair of the 'Jukebox' speakers. That particular night, I had an electronic dartboard (still in the box), propped up on the left, against the keyboard box.

    Now, the light switch for that room is behind me, as I take that picture, and on my way to the bedroom, I have turned off the switch, as I'm familiar with the path to my bedroom door. The next part is a bit sketchy, but as near as I can figure, the dart board (in the box) had slipped and fallen directly in the walking path I was about to traverse.

    Somehow, my left foot must've managed to trip me, and with nothing to brace in front of me, the edge of that 70's Kenwood speaker managed to break my fall at the expense of my groin. Luckily, the edge of that wooden speaker cabinet did not make direct contact with my testicle, but it certainly came within a quarter of an inch.

    The next few minutes (who knows, at this point, it could've been half an hour,) were spent crawling across the floor, writhing in agony, and barely summoning the breath to groan, or spit out the inevitable cussing. Eventually, I was able to stand again, and found my way to the bed.

    The next morning, I awoke and was immediately reminded of my mishap the night prior, yet still decided to go to work. Honestly, in the shower before I left the house, it didn't look all that bad. I took some pain killers, and went to work. A few hours into my stay at the job, I noticed that the effects were wearing off, and it seemed that my scrotum had grown in size.

    A quick trip to the bathroom confirmed that suspicion, and I couldn't help but notice the deep shade of purple that encompassed half of my scrotum.

    I went home, tried to rest a bit, and eventually decided to go to the clinic. I'm not even going to go into that in this post, but suffice it to say, I got an IM shot of Toradol, and a script for some Lortabs and an anti-inflammatory.

    I am to go back there tomorrow, where they will see if my ballsack condition has improved, and then refer me to get a testicular sonogram, to make sure I haven't severed any of the important wires.

    I will tell you all, with no degree of embellishment, that this is the greatest degree of physical pain that I've ever had to endure.

    And for anyone that's never had a purple nutsack before, take a look at mine:
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    *warning* - to all the men out there... If you have a weak stomach, look ye no further...
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    Yes. This shit fucking hurts.
     
  2. Fernando

    Fernando Member

    Messages:
    926
    My inviting thread with cheerfulness and glee...Lomo's one about how he managed to turn his nutsack purple.

    They seem to cancel each other out lol.

    Anyway, fucking a lol.
     
  3. Lomotil

    Lomotil Active Member

    Messages:
    10,267
    You just fucking wait until you find yourself breaking your fall with an old-school Kenwood speaker to the crotch.

    I'm going to chase a few more of these Lortabs down with some straight Vodka (fresh out of the freezer) - I'll talk to you nuts tomorrow...
     
  4. MAJ Havoc

    MAJ Havoc Active Member

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    3,123
    Damn. I had a vasectomy and my sac didn't look that bad.....EVAR!
     
  5. Meanobeano

    Meanobeano New Member

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    2
    Your Ballsack sucks dude. Shave it.
     
  6. Lomotil

    Lomotil Active Member

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    10,267
    I hope I didn't just give myself one...

    Oh, and it's an ultrasound, not a sonogram I'm due for today. Maybe they'll give me a copy of the video.
     
  7. Lomotil

    Lomotil Active Member

    Messages:
    10,267
    I'm humbled that someone's first post on this forum was a critique of my nutsack. Quite the expert on scroats, are we?
     
  8. MAJ Havoc

    MAJ Havoc Active Member

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    3,123
    I know a little something about blue-balls, but purple is out of my scope of expertise.
     
  9. darthgus

    darthgus New Member

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    6
    purple balls

    i feel mthe pain. I once had to have blood drained out of my balls to keep the swelling from rupturing my sack.
     
  10. Lomotil

    Lomotil Active Member

    Messages:
    10,267
    I wish I could say the same. :frown:

    I've been wanting to bust a nut for a few weeks now, but this isn't exactly what I had in mind.

    Be careful what you wish for, folks...
     
  11. Lomotil

    Lomotil Active Member

    Messages:
    10,267
    **This was in reply to MAJ's post! (blueballs)**

    Not what "darthgus" posted!!

    So, darth... how'd your incident happen? Did you ride the mechanical bull at the honkey-tonk bar with running shorts on?
     
  12. Joeslogic

    Joeslogic Active Member

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    8,426
    Yow! Or go riding a mountian bike with running shorts on. Listen to my advice do not do this.
     
  13. Nauseous

    Nauseous Active Member

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    10,886
    I have known someone in my life that bruised their balls also. I just can't remember who.

    I'm really sowwy, Lomo. I hope the pain gets better. That had to have been torture.
     
  14. phatboy

    phatboy New Member

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    6,956
    **Notice she didnt offer to kiss it and make it better.....


    :)
     
  15. Nauseous

    Nauseous Active Member

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    10,886
    They need a shave or trim.
     
  16. Lomotil

    Lomotil Active Member

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    10,267
    That was after the trim, young lady... ;)
     
  17. Schmed

    Schmed New Member

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    4,009
    Ouch! Well you are still one up on Dwaine and I...har har har.
     
  18. GAS

    GAS New Member

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    865
    Holy fuck that sucks Lomo!!

    I feel your pain sir, I had a testicle shattered when I was about 12. Bad times.......bad times.
     
  19. dsetters

    dsetters New Member

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    1
    youch thats gotta hurt!
     
  20. Lomotil

    Lomotil Active Member

    Messages:
    10,267
    Visit to the clinic again today, then a trip to get a sonogram on my nuts.

    Swelling has gone down quite a bit, and I'm in less pain today (although, I'm still quite aware of the problem anytime I move.) I thank the pills, and the fact that I haven't been quite as active today.

    Apparently, no permanent damage to the testicle itself, still quite a bit of swelling, and I've noticed that that purple stain has not only traversed further across the right side of the scrotum, but also traveled up the base of my shaft itself...

    Got a CD-ROM containing the Xray of my pelvis (which they initially thought might be fractured, or wanted to bill my insurance for some more scratch...) Apparently, this is not the case, and I'm to lay low for the next week and see how well this shit heals...

    Went in for a testicular sonogram today, apparently everything looks okay (aside from the obvious scarring and what-not)... Doc says that I should expect to heal in the next few weeks, but my skin will probably heal and become 'thicker' than it previously was, and, I couldn't care less. I'm not all that uncomfortable with the notion that my scrotum will adopt a leather-like hyde...
     

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