HAVE YOU BEEN ARRESTED?

Discussion in 'General Mayhem' started by phatboy, Aug 13, 2007.

  1. Dwaine Scum

    Dwaine Scum New Member

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    man, i seem to always get arrested around my birthday for some reason, it's coming up too
     
  2. phatboy

    phatboy New Member

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    Old Fart.

    You know at your age you should be getting passed your rebelious age and start looking for AARP applications........

    Will they let you ride your 'rascal scooter' into the detox area?
     
  3. Dwaine Scum

    Dwaine Scum New Member

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    11,130
    with my boombox thumpin' "I get around" by the beach boys
     
  4. Nauseous

    Nauseous Active Member

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    The whole thing was stupid. This guy was 6'3 and 230 pounds and I was 5'7 120 pounds. Really fucking scary I tell ya! There were actually two occasions where the police got involved. The domestic battery was because I had ahold of the fat on his arm and wouldn't let go and he pulled his arm up and it took a chunk of skin out. He's lucky I didn't mash his fucking head in with a skillet.

    The second time was vengence. I found out that he was cheating and went to his apt while he was out of town. I found his private stash of porn... this is from someone who was completely against nudity in films. We couldn't watch a movie if there was nudity or he would take it out. So imagine my surprise when I found a trashbag full of it! So I decided to 'redecorate' his apt by putting pictures EVERYWHERE even weird places like inside the VCR (god, how outdated is that?) up arms of his shirts.... I wanted him to find pictures over and over. I hung a picture from the inside window on the front door of a naked man holding his dick saying, "I need cock. Gay men welcome". (It was an ad in the back of one of the mags... maybe he was gay.. hell I dunno) I wanted his neighbors to see what a perv he was so I lined his windows with the boxes of his videos.

    I put Texas toast under his mattress, took all of his trash out and dumped it in the floor, took a scrub brush and scrubbed everything down into the carpet and put it all back. It was August and I turned the a/c off so everything would get nice and moldy. I took his new electric razor set, dumped it in the toilet, took it out, dried it off and put it back in the case.

    I wanted my couch back and he wouldn't give it to me, so I very neatly cut all of the fabric off of the couch and placed it back on it (so at first glance you wouldn't realize that the couch was now fucked) and stabbed the fuck out of the cushions. I took the toilet seat and threw in the dumpster (I bought it) and everything else that I ever bought or left there I threw away. So when he came back, he had no couch, toilet seat, sheets or blankets.

    At the police station, he was literally crying about how he thought I put his toothbrush in the toliet and I replied, "Who the fuck leaves town for a weekend and doesn't take their toothbrush?" The cops hated him because he was such a mess and me because I was being such a belligerent bitch. That was seven years ago. I am A LOT less crazy now. :)
     
  5. Joeslogic

    Joeslogic Active Member

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    8,426
    Damn your mean! :eek:

    When I worked at the jail there was a chick there that poured popping hot Crisco grease from a skillet into her live in boyfriend’s ear while he was asleep. Well not asleep for long I would say. Your skillet comment reminded me of that. Chicks can be mean as hell.
     
  6. Nauseous

    Nauseous Active Member

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    Pimp... your story was funny.

    Nursey, your story was scary. It reminded me a little of the time when I was 17 and in the driveway of my parents house smoking pot in my car one night and three state police cruisers came flying down the dead end road with spotlights going all over the place. Turned out that they were looking for my drunk neighbor who had a hit and run accident. I narked him out because I had heard him flying into his driveway some 10 minutes before and they swarmed his house while I watched from inside the comfort of mine.

    Oh, I also remember the time I had an encounter with a park ranger for having sex in my car one night on park property (which was like 1,000 yard from my parent's house). He rolled up on us in a Jeep with spotlights. I had seen him coming and luckily I had on a skirt so I just got back in my seat, started my car and tried to take off, but he chased me and put on his lights RIGHT in front of my parent's house. I also had to prove that I lived there and he let me go. Luckily, my parents were asleep as I hope the rest of the neighborhood was.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2007
  7. phatboy

    phatboy New Member

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    Speaking of getting caught.....

    ...I was out with this girl I had dated on and off for a while and we had gone out to eat and all and were just kinda looking for a place to 'hang out'. So we go the high school football field parking lot in this little country town my mom moved to after my parents split up, this little mayberry town cop was always home at 6, and never left. So we are parked in the corner of this lot, near the tree line, facing into the woods. She is 'checking me for ticks' so to speak, when I notice headlights coming across the parking lot. As it gets closer I notice the trouble bubbles on the roof of the car.

    So instead of stopping her, in my teenage horny toad mind, I decided she needed to hurry up before the cop got to the door. When he flicks the light in through the drivers side window she looks up, she doesnt sit up, she just looks up, deer in the headlights type deal. So I kinda jump up in the seat and 'arrange' myself.

    We get a stern lecture from the police officer. "I should call your parents, you should be ashamed of yourselves" yadda yadda. So he lets us go. She is sitting there, in shock I guess, I am trying to talk her into 'finishing the drill' and she says, "Did you not see him pull up" to which I busted out laughing.
     
  8. Nauseous

    Nauseous Active Member

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    10,885
    We were let go too. We told him that we were "talking". The guy was actually really scared of us. Either that or he had a shaking problem... anyway, he told us that we since I was pretty much in my own back yard that we could go back and he wouldn't have a problem with it. He just didn't want people partying. Needless to say, I quit going there.
     
  9. phatboy

    phatboy New Member

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    6,956
    I hate to admit how many times I have been caught 'in process' and let go. It's amazing the places you will think are 'ok' when you are young, have a girl willing to throw it on you, and cant go home.... :)
     
  10. phatboy

    phatboy New Member

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    If you were 5'7" 120lbs he was probably hoping you would come back so he could sneak a peak and rub one out.......
     
  11. Nauseous

    Nauseous Active Member

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    10,885
    I know. I would never do that shit now. I had sex during classes in college in the parking lot in a conversion van. :rolleyes: Kids are soooo stupid.
     
  12. ucicare

    ucicare Active Member

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    Until the next time somebody cheats.
     
  13. phatboy

    phatboy New Member

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    Shit a conversion van would have been a step up! It's like a little motor home.....the back seat of a 75 plymouth duster is whack. I cant believe the chicks that would get back there....
     
  14. Nauseous

    Nauseous Active Member

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    10,885
    Naw... first, I don't date losers anymore and second, I'm getting married and I am 100% positive that he won't cheat. If I wasn't, I wouldn't be getting married.
     
  15. TheGrimJesus

    TheGrimJesus New Member

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    3,893
    Of course he won't cheat you gave him the HIV no one will have him. See told you shouldn't have been banging creepy old men in vans for black tar.
     
  16. phatboy

    phatboy New Member

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    Is the HIV like going to the wal-mart?
     
  17. Nauseous

    Nauseous Active Member

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    I have you beat! How about a 1990 Ford Festiva? When I met my ex, that's what he was driving and then he got a Nissan 240 SX which wasn't much bigger but a helluva lot more classy. :)
     
  18. TheGrimJesus

    TheGrimJesus New Member

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    Fuck Wal-Mart is like every STD rolled into one I go to Target anymore.
     
  19. Nauseous

    Nauseous Active Member

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    10,885
    Isn't giving someone a fatal disease how you show much you love them?
     
  20. TheGrimJesus

    TheGrimJesus New Member

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    3,893
    That or a VW Bus either works
     

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