Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased > > his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: > > > > Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that > > sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking > > for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a > > 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were > > supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your > > assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.....?? > > > > WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it > > home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. > > Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the > > button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd > > get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. > > > > AWESOME!!! > > > > Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is > > on the face of her microwave.> > > > Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that > > it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? > > There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting > > little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really > > needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must > > admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and > > thought better of it. > > She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my > > wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance > > that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?> > > > > > So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading > > glasses perched delicately y on the bridge of my nose, directions in > > one hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second > > burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was > > supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a > > three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the > > ground like a fish out of water. > > Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. > > All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" > > long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded > > with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? > > > > I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one > > side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second > > burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I > > decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.. I touched the > > prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . > > > > HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE > > HELL!!! > > > > I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me > > up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and > > over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the > > fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on > > fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body > > in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making > > meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging > > above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by > > my body flopping all over the living room. > > > > Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one > > note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap > > yourself! > > You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand > > by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would > > be considered conservative? > > > > IT HURT LIKE HELL!!! > > > > A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at > > that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and > > surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of > > the fireplace. > > The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it > > originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still > > twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my > > bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. > > > > Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and > > my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head > > which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm > > offering a significant reward for their safe return! > > > > P.s... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the > > gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
