I guess it's time for me to come back and set things straight. I was gettin' very bored leaning on the Pearly Gates, so I figured I would stop by and lend my insight into the true purpose in life, which is football. Well, more specifically, winning championships in football. Here goes - 1. Someone needs to step up and take my mortal place as the one coach the NCAA was afraid to mess with. Where is the coach that sends fear into the NCAA leadership? It's time the game got back to the way it was made to be, where the school with the best boosters got all the best players, and nobody cared it the quarterback drove a new demo every year. 2. Make Auburn decide on a mascot. What other school is represented by TWO animals? I mean, it the Florida GATORS, the Georgia BULLDOGS, SC GAMECOCKS, and the Auburn TIGERS/EAGLES. Think about it. They let the Eagle soar before each game, yell "War Eagle" with a drunken slur, and then paint a lazy tiger eye in the center of the field. The NCAA needs to straighten this out. 3. Pass a mandate that at least one white athlete must be on the field at all times. I conceded the superiority of the black athlete in 1978 after Charles White embarrassed the Tide. My point is that without at least a white hope, the money people may lose interest and there will be little funds left to intice the great ones like Micheal Vick. More later. In the mean time here is the word on the upcoming season. Alabama - Nick Saban is not my reincarnation. Although Saban will do well here, he will break hearts. Mama didn't call him, mammon did. Expect him to get that elusive championship for the Tide within five years. Then, expect him to hop ship to the highest bidder. Oh, and Alabama beats Auburn at Auburn this year. Alabama will clearly be lucky to get the win, but the wheel of Karma can't be stopped. On the karmatic wheel it's been 25 years since God mistakenly granted Shug Jordan's plea for a miracle, and Auburn overcame a 16-0 deficeit with two blocked punts in the final 10 minutes. The universe is overdue for a rebalance. Auburn - The Jungle will rock as the dual mascoted plainsmen complete another excellent season under Tuberville. Hearts are broken as a potential (first time ever) BCS title game is dashed after the above predicted miracle destroys an otherwise perfect season. Georgia - Their mascot drools and licks his balls. What more do you need to know. Tennesse - Karma. Fuller sang like a crybaby and hurt the Tide. God was upset over this, as it was a distraction for our weekly golf game. Expect misery for the Vols, with a injuries abounding, and a scandal of STD's among the coaches and cheerleaders. Notre Dame - News Flash! God is Jewish, not Catholic! Duh! Oklahoma - Welcome to purgatory. You won't be lonely for long. Miami has sent an investigator to check out the accommodations. Vanderbilt - Actually has a chance to beat 'Bama in game two. Saban will underestimate the brains, and will have to fight for his life. Notice I said "a chance". Expect the usual "moral victory" for Vandy. SC - Spurrier pays the price for teasing the 'Bama faithful. Hell has no fury like a program scorned. LSU - Works themselves into an emotional froth over the chance to beat Saban in T Town. Embarrasses themselves in a lop sided loss, but manages to drink their way back to LA without a problem. All is back to normal in the universe as Alabama returns to an exact 2-1 win/loss record with the drunken cajuns. Mississippi State - This season will forever clarify why Alabama passed on their native son as head coach. Croom has a great pedigree and heart, but lacks the genius required to compete in the SEC. Eventual National Champion - Arkansas. You heard it here first. Forever Crimson, THE Coach.
Georgia - Their mascot drools and licks his balls. What more do you need to know. Ok I don't give a shit if it isn't cool ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL
Alabama - There mascot is an elephant. The only elephants in Alabama are riding around the wal-mart on the handicapped scooter. It will take Saban 5 years to get rid of all the players he didnt recruit. Auburn will have a good year, apparently because all the smart kids in Alabama go there....
I have a pretty good view from here, and a T3 connection too. I just thought I ought to post a few things that you college football fans, especially you SEC fans, (since that is still the gold standard), ought to do something about. I'll start with this - what self respecting Auburn Tiger fan lets a pussy wear the orange and blue? Somebody ought to do something. This is why I call it a "cow college." I was misquoted. Ain't nothing but a winner. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGHi9D8_wgs&NR=1
You all are hopeless. Back to football. Only 44 days 'til they tee it up. Still time to get the NCAA staightened out. I mean, today Auburn finally released a document to the Newspapers that revealed their self reported violations. It seems that they accidentally projected some recruits picture up on the jumbo tron, which is a violation. The kid was at the game, and was accidentally placed on the screen as part of a crowd shot. Oh boo hoo. How ridiculous is that? Why don't the colleges FIRE the NCAA? It can't exist without them. Simply get the 20 or so schools together that really matter. (You know the ones) and pull out of any affiliation with the NCAA. I promise that the money for TV will follow the schools.
I dont know about a 'war eagle' but I could think of something to give her, like my wallet, the keys to my truck, a thumb in her bum, and the best 2.5 minutes of her life.......
give it up, coach. there won't be another reply without that titshot included in it. you called this one wrong.
This just feels wrong. Bear Bryant's memory is bigger than this crappy site. I do thing the prognostication is wrong though. As much asI hate to admit it, I think Auburn will win that elusive national title this year. The Bear impersonator says Arkansas. Why? It has been exactly 50 years since Auburn won that one title under probation in 1957. There is something in the stars that dictates national Titles for the SEC on 25, 50, and 100 year intervals. See Alabamas 100 years in 1992. Many others.
I hope they lose only one. ...and that it feels like a knife in the heart, just like 1972. Isn't it crazy that I still remember that? I was 13 at the time. I really felt like the end of the world had come. My parents owned a car wash at the time, and we washed 500 cars every Saturday. On the Saturday of the 1972 games, we only washed 9 cars the entire time pregame. It wasn't even on TV then. Everyone listened on radio. After the game we washed a ton of cars, but they were all Auburn fans. All the Alabama people were in shock. Strange that a football game could traumatize a kid like that.
I think "Who Let the Dogs Out?" will be blasting from the speakers at Bulldog and Falcon games this year.
