Follow up - would you want to know if your mate cheated?

The vote is pretty evenly split on the tell/don't tell issue.

So here is the question - If your mate cheated, then ended the affair and was committed to staying with you, would you want to know about the affair?

 

That's tough. If I really suspected it, I'd have to know but I can't say that it wouldn't end the relationship. Or I might use the guilt to parlay the relationship into a neverending sex-a-thon, whenever, however, forever. To use it as currency to have an extramarital affair of my own wouldn't work for me because I still believe I have to answer to a higher authority. My stoopid conscience!! Otherwise, as I said previously, ignorance is bliss. If I had no suspicions, I'd rather be kept in the dark.

 

I would want to know, then I would end the relationship. Lifes too short.

 

I wouldn't want her to tell me, and I wouldn't tell her. She did her thing, I just hate how it's so wrong to indulge in a little lust if she takes the necessary precautions.

I know for a fact none of the women I am seeing are only seeing me, I am not only seeing them.

 

I see.

 

I reluctantly made my choice in that survey. I'd say I want to know but it goes against my understanding of the way the male mind works. For instance I do not know how many times I have known a chick to be screwing around on her guy and the guy goes into a state of denial. I bet we have all seen that. Is that you classic case of wanting to know? Does not seem that way to me. Of course there is the control freak guy that goes around accusing his girl constantly of being unfaithful. I just see that more as an insecurity usually unless she did something to warrant it.

As for as a relationship goes I have not a jealous bone on my body. If it’s happening I want to know about it no guess work. And if it is then its over was not meant to be time to move on. But I don’t want to waste time guessing and wondering either.

 

Why is there this constant search for perfection in relationships? If you want your relationship to go the distance, then there needs to be room for people to make mistakes and move on. There also needs to be trust.

So ... if my wife cheated on me, decided it was a mistake and that she wanted to be with me, I don't want that shit bouncing around in my head affecting my trust of her. Better she keeps it to herself.

 

Hey Checkers, you need to vote, man. We're seriously outnumbered on this issue so far.

 

Exactly. And too precious to waste on selfish, weak, shallow turds.

 

So if she is lying to you, by not telling you, it is okay to trust her, meanwhile she is out fucking around. I dont get it.

Im not saying it has to be a perfect relationship, but if she wants to be with someone other than me, then fucking go. Its that simple.

"Oh I made a mistake" (He only used me for sex and isnt leaving his wife)

"I really want to stay with you" (you are my last resort until I find someone else)

"Im stupid" (for telling you any of this, if it wasnt for the crabs and the bald pussy youd never have figured it out)



In my day, when I was single, I spent my share of time bouncing from bed to bed, and at one time or other I had some feelings for every chick I hooked up with. So for a woman to cheat, females who are so much more sensitive and in touch with their feeling to have unattached sex with no feelings seems like a far fetched Idea. So if she is willing to have sex with someone else, then she must have some feelings for that person.

 

... or she's feeling unappreciated and looking for a bit of fun. (It happens you know.)

If she's out screwing everything that moves, then that's a different thing. And you'll find out about that one way or another, with or without a confession from her. But if you've been together twenty years and she has a one night stand after a few too many wines at a party, is that really worth throwing the relationship out over?

As I said before, it seems many people here expect complete perfection in their relationship(s). Which is, my friends, an extremely rare commodity. Good luck finding it.

 

Reminds me of the old joke:

A couple are celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary. He gazes into her eyes and says, "Tell me darling, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

She looks at him and says, "After 20 years, I can't keep a secret from you." She then reaches under the bed and pulls out two eggs and ten thousand dollars in cash.

Our man is puzzled and says, "What are the eggs for?"

"When I slept with a man other than you, I placed an egg under the bed," she replies.

Our guy thinks, "Twenty years, two eggs, that's not so bad."

Then he asks, "And what is the $10,000 for, darling?"

She replies, "Well, each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them."

 

The interesting thing about this issue is the poll (so far)


Therapists are evenly split at 50/50 about tell/ don't tell, yet an individual states nearly every time that "they want to know."

I think that there is no 100% right answer. It depends too much on the situation and the personality of the involved parties.

 

Maybe I am just one of those individuals that doesnt have to always be in a relationship, if someone is not happy with my company, then leave. No relationship is perfect, being faithful does not make for a perfect relationship.

After 20 years, she should respect the relationship enough not to get tipsy on wine and sleep with someone else.

 

Expectations about what your partner "should" think don't usually make for a good relationship.

 

How about after 20 years she should know that if she fucks around her ass is gone?

Then I have no expectations. Or make any assumptions.....

 

Yeah! Just write that 20 years off as a massive mistake on your part and move on, huh? Just like that.

 

Yea, basically.

Not that it would be an easy thing to do.

 

What if she didn't actually screw the guy? What if:

- She just blew him?
- She just gave him a handjob?
- She just kissed him passionately?
- She just danced with him?
- She just looked at him?

Where exactly do you draw your (in my opinion very concrete and overly prescriptive) line?

 

Call me old fashioned, but i'm in agreement with Phatboy on this. If a person can't be faithful, they shouldn't be with someone who is. If someone is willing to betray their lover's trust, they don't deserve the sort of loyalty that stems from that trust. People will risk their life without a moments hesitation for someone they love, because it goes beyond our selfish, personal physical requirements. So if the person who you'd die for can't even honour that bond enough to excercise self-control over their selfish, physical needs, and not even those of survival, but of lust, then the depth of their 'love' leaves a lot to be desired.